舞蹈 时间 生命 生活



时间已进入2009年，生命进入另一个阶段。舞蹈的道路越来越难走，目标离我越来越远。自己本身也越来越累。进入2009年就代表我的舞蹈生命又进一步跨进了尾声。这一路走来，心力交瘁，而自己也搞得遍体鳞伤。我的生命之泉似乎快断了。

今年是2009年,刚好距离我生命中最开心的日子十年。整整十年，又是一个九头的年份。真的难以置信自己已经老了那么多。相信在未来的日子里,我会陆陆续续地再次体会这种感受吧！

1999年是特别的一年,也是千禧年的来临，一个很愉快的一年, 距离现在已十年。。。
快乐的时光总是只能在回忆里独自回味。。。

十年如一日

心星的泪光

时间是2009 4月4日。今天没什么事,傍晚才需要到福建会馆去彩排。所以在下午时,我竟然有时间看电视,哈哈。。。毫无目的的我就随意转台,结果看到了这部偶像剧。由关颖和言承旭主演；《心星的泪光》 这部偶像剧还挺不错，依然是爱情剧,但处理手法比较细腻，不会太做作。

如此细腻的手法来诠释爱情，我已许久没有看过了,或许是因为我根本已很久没看电视了。但是，我真的有被这部剧感动到,而我只看了今天一集。如果把整个剧看完,我不知自己会有何感触？

如此细腻的手法来诠释爱情，竟勾起了我对爱情的憧憬，不禁想起过往的种种。以前，一切是多么地单纯，简单的爱。今天的这部偶像剧不自觉地使我想起了妳。。。

爱情时常会变质，我的preference 还是纯真的爱情。因为不喜欢成人式太复杂化的爱情，太多的顾虑,太多的外来因素，太多的人物关系。常常有电视剧这么说道: 爱情是两个人的事,为何要牵扯这么多的人? 虽然这种说法在新加坡是不适当/ 不切实际的, 但我就是单纯地喜欢这种任性的理念。=）

爱情的憧憬
与妳共度的时光
所曾拥有的回忆
妳的离去
爱情的幻灭
再也见不到的身影
无情的雨
漫长的人生
晶莹的泪光
永恒的星星

夜 / 叶

Quote

Time is 22/3/09. Was looking thru my stuff and tidying up my room, happened to see a piece of paper given to me by my GP teacher back in JC days. I remembered i kept it all along with me in my wallet back then. I remember the feeling when i received this piece of paper from my GP tutor. It's juz a encouragement quote which we always see on those posters / signs to motivate ppl moving on. But then i really like it. As the piece of paper now is like almost trash, i was wondering how can i KEEP this quote with me? Then i happened to think of blogging it down. The then almost torn piece of paper can rest in peace while its value is still embedded in my memories =)

Quote from Woodrow Wilson:
We grow great by Dreams. All big men are Dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great Dreams die, but others nourish and protect them.

End

Things are going rough again =(

This post is for u all. Due to the unforseen circumstances that suddenly churn up, i cant help but feel tired once again.. really tired... There is still maybe a glimpse of hope but its only 1 last chance only. % of success is abt 30% only? and the 30% is not in control of my hands, so basically i can only wait... Im really tired.

Tired once again.. Nobody understands, nobody knows, nobody can help... Even i cant control the way things go, what to do? I haf already worked v hard le, haf already tried my best. Dunno wat else i can do le. Its really bad... The outlook is v bleak.

This entry is for u all; Its really a pleasure to meet u all. Im really fortunate to haf at least met u all in this period of my life. Unfortunately, unforseen circumstances arise and things develop in such a way. Over There i juz kanna 1 x big blow from tt grp of ppl, then here i kanna 1 more blow from the vitiating factors, though i know its not caused by any of us la. Its juz vitiating factors, tt hender us... But then ya, unless the 30% is successful, i dunno how to overcome this thing this time rd....

Pain, Fatigue, Tired...
Its so damn hard to branch out of this whole situation..

华丽上班族之 生活与生存
Design for Living

时间是2009年2月1日，昨日在Esplanade 看了林弈华导演，由张艾嘉编剧的作品 - 华丽上班族之 生活与生存。整个作品有13位演员，其中包括张艾嘉，王耀庆，郑元畅。作品通过很多细腻的手法与细节，将现代人的都市生活搬上舞台，暗喻 / 探讨生活与生存的议题。

有趣而值得一提的是，就像我以前写过“永远与永恒”的差别，这作品写了生活与生存的差别。它没有直接地点出两者的定义，而是用了很细腻的手法来表达。而更精准的说法，这作品反映了很多上班族的挣扎以及不同层次（错综复杂）的关系。在13位角色当中，穿插的关系实在很多，而且每个角色之间的关系又有着不同的层次，（真的很像洋葱，一层一层），我在观看的当儿，真的用了很多精神。
编剧张艾嘉可以写出这么好的剧本，我真的佩服得五体投地。在一个3小时的长篇舞台剧，她写出的关系很多，而点出的社会议题也不胜枚举，更在其中添加了幽默，最后更因在新加坡演出而改编其中的一些对话，竟然让对话出现“Wah Lau”，内容谈及李光耀等的本地内容，使得演出有本地色彩，真的是用心良苦。

剧本中的多种关系同时在舞台上发生/表述，就好比一支舞蹈在舞台上一次过有很多动作在进行，其中的mechanism有多复杂，我在编排舞蹈的时候常体会到，而导演林弈华有本事将这些在文本里的画面实体化，展现在舞台上，真的很了不起。

我在这向《华丽上班族之 生活与生存》的13位演员致敬，你们真的很专业，而且真的太棒了！

我真的很想把所有的关系分析都写出来，但是真的太多了，而层次方面更是深不见底。昨夜在Esplanade看完这作品后，我真的是精疲力尽。虽然它是写实主义剧场，不是什么前卫剧场，但是在“很容易看得懂”的表面下，还是有很多细节要花精神去发掘，才看到导演编剧的奥妙编排。简直是“Magic"。

这部作品给了我很大的冲击。以上所述皆为作品的奥妙之处，接下来要写的是作品带给我的情绪/精神上的冲击/感动。一直以来我都认为舞蹈员应该向舞台剧演员学习如何扩展energy，让观众感受到表演者的energy，而看了《华丽上班族之 生活与生存》之后，我更加这么认为。所有13位演员的那个能量真的传达到我这个观众身上，我真的进入“戏”里，自己的情绪和角色们一同起起落落。（也解释为何演出后，我会精疲力尽）在这里想特别向一位演员致敬；饰演“苏菲”的谢盈萱。她的演技超一流，演得入木三分。“苏菲”的情绪以及内心戏真的brought my emotions on a roller coaster ride. 看了她那一场内心戏，我的情绪久久不能平伏。

而郑元畅饰演的角色“李想”（取义自理想-ideals）最后在剧中死了，（可能暗喻都市上班族都没有理想，抑或理想根本不应存在于你争我夺的都市生活里，所以最后被扼杀了）。“李想”是一个我到最后都没有完全参透的角色，他在戏里的功用，我也没法完全捉摸。张艾嘉编写的这个角色真的如浩瀚大海，深不可测。剧中的序幕以及结尾都是由李想包办，足见“李想”在《生活与生存》的重要性，以及他/它暗喻的讯息。

最后，在结尾，我想再次向《华丽上班族之 生活与生存》的13位演员致敬；
身为舞者的我，不论从演员的表演方式，导演的编排，舞台的设计，我都学了不少；而身为一名观众，我更是享受这部作品，真的太棒了！！！

（我或许也应该因这作品的启发而想想我今后的生活与生存。=））

Last night was a roller coaster ride for my emotions, be it mentally / emotionally. Living and Surviving, there is really a difference.Work is part of Living or part of Survival? Emotions, relationships, career, family, commitments, materialism, Ideals all come into PLAY.....

End-less

人类的生活

Time is 21-Dec-08. Nutcracker with SDT has juz ended. The collaboration with Jeffrey Tan has ended. Its my honour to be in this proj of his, which coincides to be his last dance choreography with SDT when he leaves in Jan-09. At a age of 40, he is leaving SDT aft 19 yrs with it and then he intends to teach in schs or freelance ard. Well, in the normal society's eyes, tt is like retreospecting right? For me, i beg to differ and i really admire and respect him for this decision.

This incident led me to think; its like quiting a well-paid job to take up something more insecure. In many's eyes, this is a silly/ immature/ irrational decision but then, is it the only way to look at tt? Though it seems like referring to Jeffrey but then, me myself oso face this thing ah. Its only a matter of whether i can bring myself to do it or not only.... =(

Haha, on a side note; interesting thing worth mentioning is how come artists called Jeffrey are all Talented ppl? =) In fact, the person who introduced me into the world of theatre is oso called Jeffrey Tan. In fact, cos he knows tt SDT has a Jeffrey Tan, So he prefers to be known as Jeff Chen 陈日辉, the ex-director of The Necessary Stage TNS. In fact, JC is oso well-versed in Dance. He graduated from Laban Movement Centre. Well, I hereby salute to the 2 Jeffreys in the arts industry, the 2 super talented ppl. =)

Well, 人类的生活 is just so contradicting and full of dilemma. But then, yet for some, 人类的生活 can be just so simple. Still dun understand why we gotta complicate it so much? I think i shall go back to be a caveman soon... Life shld/ can be v simple, ain't it? Work so hard is for?
I cannot ans tt qtn, i dunno how to ans tt qtn yet...

Perhaps many in this world realize their dreams at an expense of other ppl, tt's y... Eg. A person can persue his dreams in whatever way becos his family is rich, so in a way, he is realizing his dreams at the expense of providing for his family. Cos his family doesnt need his income, so he can juz either support himself or even take $$ from the family to finance himself till the day he realize his dreams. Another scenario, if family not rich, worse, He is realizing his dream at the expense of his family and they haf to live a v frugal life so as to make ends meet. Children cannot enjoy some material goods, wife gotta work hard so as to contribute to family income.

So perhaps in a way, Dreams are v often realized at an expense of the others... Sigh....

Unknown, Despair, Lost

Going into depression soon? Audit peak comes again....

ANYHOW ART 2008

Time is Dec-08. AHA 2008 has ended on 7-Dec-08. I had a super long journey this yr. It was a success but audience turnout was lower as compared to last yr. This yr turnout is abt 160+ ppl but last yr it was 200+.

This yr put up an item abt 8 dancers. This time the ppl who collaborated in this project were mostly from CCHY. Vanessa, Yiting, Vivian, Alpha, JK, Ron and lastly Xinyu & Ivy from NH. Supposedly, there were more NH grads joining in this dance. To the best i can recall; I was told Jeanette, Audrey, Qiaoyu, Joanna. Haha in the end due to schedule issues, they withdrew.

This yr it was quite an interesting event. The less than perfect thing is tt the CCHY dancers are a little inexperienced, but nvtheless hardworking. =)
One of the few things that struck me and left an impression in me was a few comments from some ppl as listed below.

Weiyang; Mentioned that the item was interesting with the Mario music and the structure of the item was fluid and smooth.

Michelle Tan; Haha this girl said she liked my item and it stood out from the rest of the items. =) Though cant really pinpoint why she liked my item, but nvtheless, it's always nice to know tt audience understands and like the item.

Zhenyu; Haha he mentioned tt my item was one of those with more distinct characteristics throughout the night. What i felt more interesting was tt he once mentioned: 一看这个Dance 就知道是Zhongyi 的作品, Zhongyi 的style.

Jinghui; This girl from NHDS said the same thing as Zhenyu above on the v same night of the perf. She juz said: 1 look at the dance, u know its Zhongyi's choreography. =)

Well, these are the few comments that left an impression on me tt night. Hope every1 who watched/ participated in my item enjoyed it, u ppl are great. =) Its a pleasure working with u ppl. Its a super long journey, Im kinda drained now and the peak for my job is coming back again, so im like a bit sian....


Being Production Manager for AHA 2008 was not easy. Gotta coordinate among all the diff various dance troupes requirements. Each different dance troupe got their own requests/ pattern, i still gotta consolidate and work them out (on top of which i haf my own item to tc of...) It was an enriching exp but super tiring la....

For the ppl who haf helped/ supported me throughout this difficult period, thank u so much. Couldnt haf done it w/o u all. For e 8 dancers who danced my item, thank u so much, w/o u ppl, the item wouldnt be able to be presented to the audience in the 1st place. For audience who like my item, thank u so much, it makes me more motivated to continue in the creation of danceworks =)

With much thanx & appreciation

一些由衷的感言

时间是27-10-08。其实我过得有点累。在面临自己的将来，我不知所措，很犹豫，很挣扎。经过了一个又一个的挫折，我虽没有完全放弃，却不得不承认我筋疲力尽。

值得一提的是最近遇见了他们。因为这一群年轻人，我的生活多了一些比数字更有意义的东西。谢谢你们！=）是你们让我有机会做自己真正想做的东西。我其实懂得很多工作以外的事，却从来只有少许机会一展所长。常跟朋友说，其实星期一至五，我是一个活死人。周末的时候，生命注入了生气，到了周日，一切又恢复往常。所以在一个星期里，我只活两天。

对于一直以来支持我的人，认同我在做的事情的人，以及承认我另一方面成就的人，我在此由衷地感谢你们。有几个人想在这里特别感谢他们；Kah Hon, Kenneth, Teddy, 老爸，老妈, 谢谢你们没有用世俗的眼光来评论我这一生的成就。Kah Hon, thanx for telling me everytime tt u respect me for my undying passion aft 12 years (to date), though i know u are then the really successful person in terms of financial position. Kenneth, thanx for giving me pointers everytime i face a delinma whether to proceed on with anything in my line. Though we are not in the same industry, but we can still claim tt its all creative work we are doing..... Thanx to Teddy, though u always say tt im zai but i know for sure, u are actually the zai person. I know u will definitely sore high someday in the corporate world.
老爸，老妈，谢谢你们没有因为我赚的钱不多而觉得我是没用的儿子。（或许你们有那么觉得，但我还是感谢你们没有阻止我做自己想做的事。）

至于你们这一群年轻人，真的很高兴遇见你们，也其实珍惜与你们度过的时光。你们在不知不觉中其实在我的生命中有留下一些脚印，不论未来如何，我会记得你们。 =）

Wedding at Marriot Hotel - 4-Oct-08
Concept of Multi - Intelligence

Time is 6-Oct-08. Just attended Samantha's Wedding on Sat. It was a nice experience. Finally my task is done, her wedding is over, i completed the dance =D. Well, though she nv visits this blog but all the Best wishes to her in her next phase of life..... =)

Having done the dance item for her at her wedding, it somehow reminded me of the concept of Multi-intelligence, a concept learnt during NTU times from the Module OB. Came back and looked thru my txtbk regarding this concept and felt like jotting everything down in this diary.

Under the framework of MI, there are 10 types of intelligence, as opposed to the orignal intelligence of only IQ (Which consists of Logical/Mathematical Int, and Verbal/Linguistic Int) and EQ (Emotional Int).
The 10 types are as follows with specific characteristics and some examples:

1) Logical/Mathematical Int - Processes thots thru Analytical, calculations etc - Albert Einstein
2) Verbal/Linguistic Int - Processes thru Language/ Words - Consultant Tom Peters
3) Interpersonal Int - Processes thru interaction, humour etc - Entertainer/ Magician
4) Intrapersonal Int- Thinks in quiet, goal orientated, independent - Business Tycoon Howard Hughes
5) Visual/ Spatical Int - Uses mental models, thinks 3D, pictures & visualizes - Architects
6) Musical Int - Sensitivity to pitch, melody, rhythm - Composers
7) Bodily & Kinesthetic Int - Physical movement, cycle-motor, processes by motion - Michael Jordan
8) Naturalist - Needs to be with/ survive in nature - Singer John Denver
9) Existential - (Nothing to do with religion) Knows why he/she is here in this world - Civil Rights Leader Martin Luther King
10) Emotional Int - Emotionally mature, reacts to emotions of self & others - Pacifist Leader Mohandas Gandhi

And most imptly, the concept of MI acknowledges that Int is not inborn and decided at birth but can be nutured....=)

So why after Sam's Wedding i will be reminded of the MI concept? Cos at the Wedding on Sat, the guests were impressed by the dance the bride & bridegroom danced to tt they asked who choreo the dance for them... So of cos, effectively the person is me la. The interesting thing to note abt is tt On tt night, When i saw them dance, I had the sense of achievement. Being to able to convert 2 adults from non-dancers with no musicality to Dancers who can actually perform in front of a huge audience, i really had a great sense of achievement. It reminded me of things such as Job Satisfaction. In my current job, im like a zombie with no job satisfaction everyday. But then it really surprised myself tt such a short item on a wedding can give me satisfaction. Its not a concert /watsoever, but then I still had tt feeling...

Its Amazing, issit it? The job tt feeds me & my family, dun get any satisfaction, but the activity tt doesnt generate any income for me gives me the most satisfaction... Diaozz right?

Actually if the concept of MI holds for human beings, then actually though i dun haf high IQ, my other level of Int are perhaps rather high... Perhaps a person's Int or even self-worth shldnt be decided on absolute things such as IQ. This brings me further to think, in current society, ppl judge status/achievement based on Financial position, issit v superficial? Eg. Wah he v successful leh, 30 yrs old can earn his 1st $1mil etc.

Actually, there is more to e evaluation of a person's Self-worthiness, aint it?

Sometimes i cant help but think, am i living in a screwed-up world? Cant the society be more adapting to ppl from diff professions, and yet give recognition? Haizz.....

Interesting Insight to the "Real" me

Did the quiz below and the results were as follows.. Well, all i could say is that its really quite interesting to know that im actually still ME, and not devoured by the society as at Today.. Perhaps many years later, i'll be devoured by Society but tt's all in the future, i'll nv know...

I recall the 2 months (Jun-Jul 07) where i did full-time dance, i was really HAPPY. Genuinely happy. Everyday v tired but then really happy. Also recall when i did the Dance project with Georgia earlier this year in May-08, Mum looked at me when i was having breakfast, and said: U seemed really Happy & Relaxed... To think tt u took Leave from work not to rest but u seemed really happy huh?

I guess that was really the genuine happiness i felt in Life ba....... I mean i really felt Alive then, and not doing work cos i had to do. I did what i really felt like & work was enjoyment at the same time... Of cos, i let it pass cos eventually i have to take care of family, contribute to family income etc. Nvtheless, i knew that was the "Real" me, and surprisingly, Mum noticed that too, during subtle times like "having breakfast"? I guess it was really shown on my face that Happiness is in my life and i enjoyed my work then.....

Having taken this test, i somehow feel that im really Still the "ME" that i all along thot i m... Im happy that im not yet devoured by the works of Society & harshness of life...

* Note: If readers intend to take this test, the best way is to ans the qtn by Instinct. Dun stop for a sec to use the brain to think.... My colleagues haf taken this test, some say its not accurate, i guess it really depends on what our sub-conscious think, and not our brain....

Still tt very Same Old Zhongyi 10 yrs ago

Interesting Insight to the "Real" me.....

Introduction
The Dewey Color System® is the world's first and only validated, color-based personality career testing instrument.





Based on our experience and your interests, your best suited occupations are listed below.
Best Occupational Category



You're a CREATOR
Key Words:Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional



These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.



CREATOR OCCUPATIONS


Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.



CREATOR WORKPLACES


Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.
Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.



2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a SOCIAL MANAGER
Key Words:Tactful, Cooperative, Generous, Understanding, Insightful, Friendly, and Cheerful



This very social type enjoys working in groups, sharing responsibilities, and being the center of attention. Fields of interest are instructing, helping, nurturing, care giving and instructing-especially young people. They discuss and consider feelings in order to solve problems, lead, direct, persuade, guide, organize and enlighten others.





http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/colorcareercounselor.aspx

每次面对抉择或甚至处于"被动"时，回来跟不回来之间有什么差别？

自愿走或“被动”而走，回来或不回来，有分别吗？
这又会对自己的人生有什么影响？

Sad.........

星光二班 - 魏如昀 - 音乐的热忱
喜欢一样东西是因为有过人的成就，有人给予recognition，还是纯粹的热爱？


时间是2008年8月24日。今天在YOUTUBE游览了一下，忽然去看一看超级星光大道第二季。有一名参赛者引起了我的注意。她是魏如昀。看了她几次的比赛，我真的有一种莫名的感动。因此决定写这一篇entry，更决定以她的名字来命名。

从预赛到前六强在她被淘汰之前，她大多数在PK时都是演唱自己创作的歌曲。她的词曲都作得不错。的确，她的声音不是绝无仅有的，也不是星光二班里最出类拔萃的。她在前六强的时候被淘汰了，而之后她也自动从败部复活赛中抽离，不愿再进入冠军赛。

让我感动的是她的辛路历程，她从来没有放弃创作，也一直持续地创作，即使没被星探挖掘，她的热忱还是没有退减。即使比赛没有得奖，没有成为超级星光大道的前三名，但这些都没有影响她个人对音乐的热忱。这是让我最感动的。。。这真的是纯粹对音乐的热爱，对于有没有外在的赞赏，还是一直努力不懈。我真的很感动，其实看着她的辛路历程，我除了说感动，我找不到更好的形容词。因为身为一名歌手，她的声音或许不够特别，但也就因为这样，我才感受到她的热忱。她不是因为在音乐有很高的成就/得过很多奖，才爱上音乐的。相反的，她没得到什么奖，但还是不停地创作，作自己喜欢的东西，这才是纯真的热忱。

很多人喜欢一样东西是因为他们在方面有成就/有外在的赞赏。但试想想，若没有这一切成就，人是否还会喜欢那个活动？多少人还会像魏如昀一样，做自己喜欢的事，根本不管有没有外在的recognition？ 喜欢舞蹈的人是因为自己会跳舞才喜欢舞蹈，还是纯粹喜欢“正在跳舞”的那个过程/感觉？我清楚地知道我为什么喜欢舞蹈。

正因为如此，我在DI已经很久没有十足地开心过了。。。我已很久没有跳舞跳到一身疲惫，一身是汗。最后一次那么感觉到是2007年，《你我他》和Jeffrey一起跳舞，那个时候就真的辛苦，真的努力过，奋斗过。。。

看着魏如昀对音乐的热爱，我会引以为榜样。我会持续这一段路，即使会一个人走下去，我都会一直坚持着。要学会懂得不要在乎别人的眼光，不要在乎是否有外在的赞赏，即使自己的舞蹈作品没有被发布的机会，我都会坚持创作下去。。。

感动

Time, Tasks, Friends & Fate

Time is 19-Aug-08, Recently every night when im alone, i start to feel tt time is passing by me damn freaking fast, almost at lightning speed... I got really not enough of time to match all the tasks at hand.... Tasks come in all forms & patterns, for instance, my room has been piled up with "chicken" files from audit and its so freakin messy. Didnt haf time to clean up my room & table, didnt have time to do a dance properly for Anyhow art, not to mention the other dance. Plus, no time to look for other career options in life. So many tasks to do, yet time is not enough.

Friends & Fate? Recently due to busy schedules betw all circles of frenz, I didnt get to meet up with them for quite a long time le. Passed by Sam's blog and the song "Tian Gao Di Hou" was played on his blog. Really brings back lots of memories with my diff groups of frenz. Now, all these frenz have entered diff phases of their lives and we are almost all mutually exclusive le. Not blaming anything, this is juz Fate. Time passes, Life goes on, and Frenz move on, all controlled/ influenced by Fate.

So its really kinda saddening, esp when im typing this every entry, the song by Shin - Tian Gao Di Hou is being played....

Careerwise, some frenz are leaving the firm soon/ intending to leave within next few mths, im like...... a little sad? Cos in a way, im happy for them tt they leave this place in search of a better life that they deserve. Really happy that they are leaving for better prospects, but at the same time, i get a tinch of sourness in my heart. Its like....... I dun really know alot of ppl in the firm now.... as in really know, not hi-bye only, then now these ppl leaving only leaves me knowing less ppl in my firm.... =(
Then at e same time seeing these frenz leave, i wonder how i will be like in 1 yr's time? Cos i really dun haf much time left le, and e career options are damn limited, which is oso a task actually, to look for alternative careers.
Back to Sq 1, lost at crossroads as to where to go, what to do......

Amidst all these, i haf not even brought in DI's O/S issues to settle. Though i know DI's issues cannot settle one, and its not worth it oso, but then diaozz.... Im still the Chairman anyway, though i think aft this yr, i can pass on le...

So ya, the pt is : So many tasks, so little time, so many frenz no longer there, all part of Fate?

Even tired cannot describe the current me, perhaps overwhelmed & flooded is more appropriate, to the extent im a little disorientated and blur now........ =(

你我他

今天是七月三十日2008年，晴。
晚上在家没什么事做，思考年底《随艺》的表演，我应该编些什么？灵感都不在，结果选择拿《2007你我他》的录影来看。这还是我第一次以观众的角色来观看自己的作品。时间过去了，其实连我也不记得自己编了什么。结果今夜以观众的角色来看自己的作品，真的别有一番风味。

我第一次这么看这个作品才觉得：喔！这个作品真的是有深度，是经过深思设计的。。。
有这种感觉，连我自己都感到兴奋开心。因为以编导的角色来看自己的作品，当然知道自己的作品在讲什么。但是，过了一年，连我自己都忘了时，再来看这作品，仍发现这作品有深度，那种兴奋的感觉非笔墨可形容。

其中的舞蹈动作以及我编排的手语，我已经忘了那个MESSAGE 了，但还是感受到作品的深度及内涵，我真的对这作品感到满意。没有满分，因为我觉得自己的音乐手法还是算粗糙，但对于作品的构思以及编排，还算满意。

值得一提的是，当我作品中的舞蹈员在诠释那个MESSAGE时，他们出奇地整齐，给我这个观众一种很庄严，淡淡哀伤，一点愤世嫉俗的感觉----一种无声的反抗。那个感觉HIT到了！当然，舞蹈方面不整齐，但无所谓，因为我知道在窄小的空间跳舞，他们不习惯，亦不自然，所以没关系。

由于到了最后我仍想不起MESSAGE到底是什么，结果去翻查自己的文件，幸好我有储存在电脑里。哈哈！终于让我找到了。这个作品我真的觉得不错，有深度，有内涵，有讯息，结构也不错。

在这里，想对那些替这作品当舞蹈员的朋友说：“谢谢你们所有人！希望你们在过程中有所收获，亦希望你们仍喜欢（或有喜欢过）这作品。希望这作品在你们的回忆中留下脚步。因为，我忘了那个MESSAGE的手语了，我想我或许再排不出同样的作品了。这是我舞蹈生涯中，有别于我过往的作品。”

今天的心情还不错。。。。。。

执迷不悔

词/王菲 曲/袁惟仁

这一次我执著面对 任性地沉醉
我并不在乎 这是错还是对
就算是深陷 我不顾一切
就算是执迷~ 我也执迷不悔

别说我应该放弃 应该睁开眼
我用我的心 去看~去感觉
你并不是我 又怎能了解
就算是执迷~ 就让我执迷不悔

我不是你们想得如此完美
我承认有时也会辨不清真伪
并非我不愿意走出迷堆
只是这一次这次是我自己而不是谁

(Chorus)
要我用谁的心去体会
真真切切的感受周围
就算痛苦 就算是泪
也是属於我的伤悲
我还能用谁的心去体会
真真切切地感受周围
就算疲倦 就算是累只能执迷~而不悔

Dedicated to all the Ppl in the world who are in dilemma...

无题

今天突然心血来潮，突如其来想写一些东西。甚至想任性地牺牲自己的睡眠时间，只不过为了写一些看似没意义的篇章。

天空开始下起雨来，在一切空荡荡的生活里，时间继续流失。星空不再耀眼。

钢琴上的键盘，一黑一白，虽衬托了彼此，却无法融合在一起。

落叶飘落在残秋，淡淡萧索。秋风徐徐吹过，寒冷的冬天即将来临。

钢琴上的白玫瑰依然冷艳，却包含了浓浓的爱意。

在冬天里，雪花纷飞，在早晨的阳光下瞬间溶化。。。

当杯里的酒洒了出来，染红了白玫瑰

在过去的每一个季节里，我仍然没有忘记。。。

酒能消愁？借酒消愁，愁更愁。抽刀断水，水更流。

每个季节陆续过去，我仍在远处等待，等待一个不会出现的倩影。。。

泪水流向海，形成一片泪海

在等待的日子里，孤独寂寞不断在生命中徘徊。。。
泪海传来一波一波的旋律，形成悲哀恋歌

徘徊在过去的记忆里，即使到了曲终人散的时候，我仍独自在街头。。。

岁月无情地流逝，事过境迁，我却仍留在煎熬的旋涡中。。。

耳边响起一首熟悉的歌：“爱是女尔眼里的一首情歌，轻扬着飘于旋律。。。。”

前浪，后浪，中流砥柱

时间过得真快，转眼已是2008年，其实我也老大不小了。在过去的岁月里，我花了很多时间在舞蹈上，无奈因环境和生活的经济关系，我在舞蹈方面到今时今日还是一事无成。最近几年，我加倍的努力，却总是不得要领。或许真如KENNETH 所说，因为别人还年轻，所以他们不认真对待 “自己的兴趣”- “舞蹈，音乐等”，但是像我和他这种“老人”，要追求自己的兴趣的时间已所剩无几。他这几年来也是勤奋努力，而他的乐团的专辑也即将完成。而与他比较，我本人，在舞蹈界翻番滚滚了这么多年，始终一事无成。心寒。。。

最近，知道几个好朋友，也是越来越累，以往对舞蹈的热诚也逐渐褪去，究竟有什么可以让朋友再组织起来？或许这样东西已不存在，或许只剩下我这个老人，在用剩余的时间去追求自己的兴趣。。。但是，放弃是可悲的，我的人生已经够悲哀了，不想连追求兴趣的权利都没有。
从现在算起，我应该还剩五年的时间，亦是最后的挣扎了，因为我知道再过五年，环境会比现在更残，机会也会比现在少。

回顾过去，我一直是一个人，走在这舞蹈道路上。在2003年，机遇巧合之下，遇上了一批年轻人，舞蹈的道路还OK，但五年后的今天，大家都越来越忙，所以一切都不了了之。前浪已将逐渐退去，却不见后浪接踵而来。在过去的岁月里，犹如中流砥柱的我，跟不少代的舞者一起合作过，然而，这一次真的是“当前浪退去后，已再也见不到后浪”。人数，技巧，合作关系，团结性，对舞蹈的执着，一切都大不如前。。。连人数都已寥寥可数，其余更不足为论。

其实跟KENNETH比起来，我真的是毫无成就，仿佛这几年来都在原地踏步。。。

在剩余的岁月里，我应该做些什么呢？时间仿佛如流沙般从我手中流走。。。

不知所措 等待

A Fresh Start

Well, 1 year has passed and due to all the happenings in NDP 08, everything takes a new beginning.... Let's have a fresh start again, in Dance, and in Life/ Career....

After so much talk with Mr Low and others, decided to let it go, and let things have a new fresh start... Shall move on loh....

Let's carry on from here.... Time is 06-Jul-08, the last few weeks b4 NDP, and aft tt, all will end... =) Then shall resume the busy schedule i had along... Its fun planning for Samantha's Wedding...

This week although i on TOIL, but super lots of things to do ah...
To draft up the outline for Georgia & Mann Weng and still got to pass the disc to Sabrina, hopefully i can fork out time to meet her, that is....
To format my super lag laptop, i think muz revamp the whole laptop... Haizz...
Then the NDP Media Preview already take up 2 days of my time le,
not to mention on Wed i still gotta go back with Diana to client's place to work... Diaozz, can u imagine? Working when on TOIL? But bo bian, better do it this week if not next week when im back to work, i will have super lots of backlogs to clear... Nbz....

All in All, everything is a fresh start.... Let's finish all the stuff this week.... =)

新不了情

心若倦了 泪也干了
这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老
已不见你 暮幕与朝朝

这一份情 永远难了
愿来生还能再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切 我不知道

回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了

缘难了 情难了