Juz Enjoy What U r Doing, Easy to Say but Hard to carry out (Part1)


Haha, so interesting.. Dian and Qianhui asked me when we were doing our project, who do i think in today's entertainment arena can dance well? Quite interesting so i decided to pen it down..

Cos this qtn by them is linked to my qtn of what is a good dancer mah, thus i found it v interesting to ans this qtn. B4 i answer this qtn, i wish to say: tt after these days so long in dancing, i honestly can feel what Mr Low said tt day during his workshop in PA. He mentioned tt ever since he stepped into the dance arena and realized how big the world is, he doesn't claim anymore tt he knows/ understands DANCE. Well, i seriously understand liao... Cos recently went thru so much i think i fucking wake up my idea liao... Its v sad and it's the harsh truth but it really woke me up, Esp what Jeff Tan said abt Performing Arts, i quote him (word 4 word);

"In this world, it's really the hard truth, regardless whether u haf worked extremely hard or not, when it comes to the FINAL Judgement, there can only be 2 answers; It's either u haf it, or u dun.. It is so harsh, & regardless whether u can accept it or not, it is still the truth."

So in his explaination, actually he meant when it comes to eventual judgement, 3 parties will agree on the same thing, whether the person has the talent/gift/ X-factor (or whatever u call it) or not.. 3 Parties r: The one judging the performance, the one watching the performance (audience), the performer (or the choreographer). All 3 will come to the same conclusion ultimately: The item is good/ bad, no in betweens; no not bad, ok lah, so-so etc. Even the performer(choreographer) himself, if being partial, will oso come to the same conclusion.
So its v sad/ disheartening, cos its in-borne or cultivated, NOT trained. Which means no amt of training can make up. which oso means PASSION isn't enough...
So Honestly, I know i DUN HAF it, and of course i think will nv haf it... Which i think i still decide to carry on dancing cos i think i juz cant let it go... As for achievements wise, i think i can only take things as they come ba... I know i'll nv and i can nv achieve far....
I'll have to just enjoy what i am doing and disregard the achievements thing but i know this isn't going to be easy...

Really hor, Dance is so wide and limitless, i dunno dance at all, in fact, i m still nothing.. which makes me feel v useless... =( With regards to Kpop Arena, Artists like Rain, Se7en are ard my age, yet they r so far ahead in dance liao, i really wonder what i haf been doing so far.... Rain is 1982, Se7en is 1984, i'm 1983, but i m nowhere, & nothing too...

Dance is really borderless, even if u limit urself to the A-sphere or E-sphere, it's still limitless...

End of Part 1

Juz Enjoy what u r doing, Easy to say but Hard to carry out (part 2)

So Qianhui & Dian asked me this qtn, i responded as follows: Well, in my opinion, alot of ppl dance now cos an artist no longer needs to know how to sing but oso need to know how to dance, but dance well ones really v few.. in order not to complcate matters, i shall answer the qtn with regards to Cpop & Kpop arena only lah..

So in Cpop female artistes, my top 3 are: Evonne Xu, Elva Hsiao, Landy Wen
Evonne ranks first becos she can carry all sorts of dance genres off v well... Dian said she thought Evonne only knows Ballet but she is v wrong lor.. In my opinion, she has already obtained the essence of dance, hence she can carry off many genres of dance v well.. I told Dian to take a look at Shi Lian Bu Ba MTV, she will see how Evonne can bring off E-sphere Dances too... Take a look at Da Feng Chui she will see how Evonne can bring off Social Dances such as Waltz... Hence, i rank her 1st.

For Male artist in Cpop, there r alot of good dancers i agree but ranking wise, i only manage to rank out 2 most extraordinary one... Cos i feel that they r worth mentioning..
1st: Aaron Kwok 2nd: Milk (Energy)

Aaron Kwok will always the 1st in my list cos the reason is the same as Evonne.. He carries off all genres of dance v well.. Even martial arts he oso zai, so no disputes lah.. Milk is good but imagine Milk dance Ballet? Cannot right? So tt's y he ranks below Aaron...
There r many good dancers but i personally feel tt they lag behind Aaron & Milk by alot, so i dun bother to rank cos it's madness... But honestly, someone worth mentioning here who is good in Hip-Hop or MTV dances is Alex Toh.

Moving on to Kpop female artists, no need to fight
1st is confirm: BoA 2nd: Lee Hyori
Both these artists are good, but i think Hyori is too westernized (kinda Destiny Child pattern), so will not carry off genres such as Ballet well... BoA a bit more versatile than her...

Kpop Male Artists, sad to say: NO ranking... Cos they all to F***ing zai already, cannot rank ah, it will be madness.... =)

There r juz too many of them... But i would like to mention if Dance Choreography Skills is included, (i.e not juz dance techniques) the outstanding one would be Jang Woo Hyuk.
He is ex-H.O.T member, current JTL member, choreographer of all H.O.T's dances and of course currently of all JTL dances. Equivalent to Milk's role in Energy but honestly his genre does not limit to Hip Hop only, he can choreograph alot more kinds of dances.

Honestly as compared to Rain & Se7en, their genres are only hip-hop, R&B, Woo Hyuk is far much better...
Still, i would like to list out some of the good dancers in Kpop Arena:
(Not in order of merit) Rain, Se7en, JunJin, MinWoo, H.O.T, Black Beat

So yup, Dance world is damn big out there, i haf not included Western Pop artists yet...

Anyway, in this big world, i realize i m nothing....

End Of Entry

Hatred, Frustration, Anger

Time is 20 Sep '05
Today mood is damn bad... Dunno how to describe, what to say, how to pen down...
I can feel the Hatred, Frustration, Anger all burning inside me.. Life has make me damn sick recently. All those talk abt cherishing life suddenly dun ring to me anymore, currently now i feel overwhelmed by Hatred, Frustration, Anger...

I haf nothing against life just tt i m very angry NOW... (N/B:It's just a day only lah, hopefully tml things turn out better... This entry is not important lah, just for venting's sake...)

Life is hard, Life is tough, Life is difficult, I dunno what i m doing.... Why is my life like tt?
Wah Lau.......

Where should i go from here?

Today is 11 sep '05. I juz came back from DI. i realized things changed so much.. though i see light every now & then, & get depressed over dance issues, but somehow i always pick myself up. Actually i dunno whether in the future i will get over this or not, maybe few days, maybe few months, but i really want to pen this down...

Is it i really should not dance anymore? esp with this new batch of ppl? its not solely NH only lor cos there r still dancers fromother sch, so things r getting out of hand. Since i cant influence ppl with my good intentions, i decide not to care anymore... Is there any other soln? I sincerely pen down these thots of mine: Where should i go from here? How should i carry on from here? Leave? or join some other troupe? i think neither may make me happy (there r several possiblities), nor will staying make me happy too? How?

Cant believe it tt I haf to face such a situation someday. Come to think of it, i haf danced for quite some time, but i dun think its long cos honestly i still wish to continue for as long as i can..
I started out at 13, ever since i graduated from NHSS, i haf danced with many diff ppl, nv haf i faced this kinda of situation whether to carry on or not... A dancer dance until ask himself whether to carry on dancing or not? what is e world coming to?!

When i read this entry in the future, i may understand my current state of mixed-feelings..
A little sad, angry, feel unappreciated, disappointed, plus a kind of 'running out of time' feeling, & lastly a kind of 'praying for surprises' feeling...
I sincerely wish to meet & be with a bunch of super-enthu dancers willing to practise hard & sweat it out everytime, doesn't complain abt bordem n yet continues to create & innovate everytime..

I shall end this entry with this hope of mine....

End of Entry

Hope

A Glimpse of Hope

Today at home do nothing, quite slack but there is something worth blogging abt.. Seriously i read something on other blogs & i was quite happy (or should i say comforted instead?). I m entering this entry cos i sincerely feel tt they deserve an entry in my 'book of memories' tt i know when in the future i look back & read this entry, i might be rather happy, no guarantees but yah there is a possibility i may be happy...

Well, all along i haf been blooging abt how NHDS has sunk in standard & other aspects etc. Maybe one of the things out there tt dun look so bleak to me may be the youngsters themselves. Yes, the youngsters nowadays cant make it but whenever i spot/ (or rather sense cos i nv contact with them anyway), i feel a glimpse of hope. I sincerely feel all is not lost & if i can influence these youngsters, i would be very happy & as a matter of fact, if they really follow my 'teachings/ philosophies in life', i will even feel more honoured.

I went around reading their blogs today, i realized many dancers are still v interested in dance. Mostly all girls' blogs due to nhds blog, cos their links mostly girls. link to those sec 1 & 2s then their personal blogs oso all girls... so read lots of girls' entries today but yup, quite happy to know tt they r interested in dance. Actually, i dun haf good impression of them cos Cultural Pot '05 was a disaster, so i dun believe them. But since they show interest, i mean maybe i can mould them slowly ba.. Maybe their maturing process in thinking has slowed down, but anyway got interest most impt.

Whether they eventually can make it or not, i cant say 4 sure & like in previous entries, unless 'approached', i shall not intervene anymore cos the age gap too big liao, imagine this yr sec1 is 1992, diff of 9 yrs from me... Wah Kao... But I see a glimpse of hope lah... Yah lah, 4 guys i dun see the light yet but 4 girls okie lah, got hope lah... Now the issue is who go mould them & influence them only.. There is this sec 1 grp called phay, i think they got hope lah, dun learn any bad stuff from their seniors, i think can nuture them ba....

Bottomline, today i quite happy... Seriously everytime i so sian NHDS become so weak, it always nice to let me c a glimpse of hope in the young generation.. It is so interesting & encouraging for me =)... The worrying thing abt NHDS is like wat Zhenyu has mentioned b4, dunno NH will turn into SA or not... Some1 muz go train the boys to become man ah..... Some1 pls.....

But anyway, as long as got hope can liao, the boys dun wanna become man, tt's not gonna be my problem anyway, i can juz sit back & laugh.... =p

End of Entry

Dark Dayz in Life

Actually wanted to write 'darkest dayz in life' but realized tt i cant do it, cos in the future confirm got even darker days waiting behind.. Since life is a struggle & fighting process, then i think things will get tougher as days goes by.. Which of course makes us 'stronger' in a certain way, adapting to the hardships & challenges..

There is lots of types of hardships in the world today, i can divide them as financial difficulties, relationship problems, self-serving problems, and even many more... In amongst all these, i realize i haf every single one of them... Though i should not complain cos there r always ppl who r more unfortunate than me but there is one very simple question i juz cant simply avoid/ ignore...

Can i survive in this world in the future? By 'survive' i mean everything above; Financially, emotionally, psychologically etc

Frenz who r reading this entry, & yet not my age yet, u can ignore it or think abt it but actually this is the real world.. (This is very controversial, depending on ur own point of view & which stage of life u r in) Yes, every1 views this world differently but my view is not of the extremists & in fact, i m actually looking in an objective point of view.

I dunno whether i can survive or not... Even if i haf a degree, i m facing immense competition.. I doubt i can get Honours Degree judging from my results so far apparently to many others in Acc Faculty, & though i intend to Minor in Chinese, i dunno whether it is of any value or not cos There r ppl taking Double specialisation degrees now in Acc & moreover, there r competitors from SMU as well... Wah, Fuck!! Can i really survive? My degree may be worthless by then.. It is cheaper for an org to hire a Poly grad to do low-level jobs such as book-keeping etc. i.e. if i cant secure a position for a high level job, then most likely low level will be taken by Poly-grads due to lower cost. So it's really an irony; u study so hard, fighting like shit to get a degree but it no longer serves as a guarantee ticket to employment; unlike what my parents told me when i was young. So the feeling of studying in Uni now still makes me insecure; above all, it makes me lose focus & intention. If there isn't any value in the ultimate outcome, can u stay focused? Who says tt degree is a sure tick to employment? & also, my relationship with bro is not close, i can imagine in the future tt aft my parents pass away, me & bro like no longer family.. Tt is rather pathetic. Amongst all these future problems, Lets get back to present; I can no longer enjoy what i like doing most: Dancing

It can no longer be pure as before... Though i really dun wish to attribute blame to others, but i haf to say tt its them who make it like this. It wasn't like this in the past when i used to dance with my seniors. Frenz reading this; Honestly speaking touch ur heart & answer, who now in DI can practise until sweat like hell but still v enthu & dun complain abt fatigue? Pathetically almost none... Ppl now regardless in DI or NHSS dun prac unless pushed by seniors/ Mr Low himself...

NO!!!!! It shouldnt be this way.. It used to be: Ppl prac on their own till damn tired, Mr Low comes in, does simple coordination, minor corrections, then moves on to teach other ppl... He does not need to give special/additional attention to ppl who haf 'grown up'; even more particularly those who haf graduated from sec sch... Everything in DI is auto-run, self-initiated, not afraid to admit mistakes.. Adapt to changes appropriately

The situation now: Included many ppl from sec sch who in my view, claims to be enthu in dance, but in reality, i dun think they deserve to claim 'enthu & passionate'. Take a look at other troupes, u will understand y i made tt remark... Prac so little, complain so much, slack so much & worst, Dun adjust to mistakes... Corrections made were rendered useless eventually... Full-up 3-4 times, the same mistake still exists.. Dunno is dancers stuborn or wat....


In this scenario, pls lah; i wanna dance with a small group of interested ppl oso v difficult.... Tt's why i say i can no longer enjoy fully what i like most... The sad thing is i know i cant force ppl to be passionate abt dance, so how? what can i do? I seriously dunno... Is like i haf to adjust myself to the 'crowd' but i juz cant take it lying down honestly... Esp when i know Mr Low oso wants things to turn for the better...(Cos this means the prob is really not with me, Mr Low oso see the prob is with the dancers) Everytime we talk & i realize he still has not changed, it juz makes me feel so sad tt actually he has already written down his expectations & yet those ppl r still unaware of it, and remain self-conceited...


Why is it dark dayz in life? Cos i dun see any light... I mean i dunno if i can survive in the Future, & i cant fully enjoy every single moment of Present, ain't i juz living aimlessly? Future or present, i oso cant live life to fullest... The reason i m alive is becos i really dun wanna lose out in the fight against life... I will wait till the tide is over, but honestly, i oso f***ing dunno when it will be over... The most interesting part is i haf not start working yet so the darkest part is not even here & yet i m waiting for shine... Haha.... F***ing lame....


I dunno how m i going to go thru this phase in Life... Maybe when i look back, i oso can be amazed if i could survive this.....

End of Entry