距离也是一种美

滴答滴答。。。细雨绵绵而下，犹如那绵绵不断的思念。相见时难别亦难，我真的不知如何面对你。思念紧紧纠缠着我的思绪，想见你，但又不希望因我不定的情绪引起不必要的争执。“你是否感受到我所受的煎熬？”不安的情绪使我无法全心全意地面对你，却又不愿让你伤心。。。

我曾说过：“得不到的东西永远是最好的。”我希望在你眼里的我永远是完美无瑕的，因此才不想见你，以免引起争执或负面的情绪。或许你会误会我不在乎你，其实因我在乎与你在一起，所以完美主义的我才不希望我们的爱情有任何瑕疵。情到浓时情转薄，距离也是一种美。。。

生病的时候感情特别地敏感与脆弱，一件微小的事物可以在心中掀起惊涛骇浪，所有的感觉似乎都被放大了。生病时是很矛盾的。一方面希望有人嘘寒问暖，能细心地喂你吃粥吃药。另一方面却不愿别人看见自己的脆弱，所以要表现得更加坚强，事事亲力亲为。

遥远的他是否听得到我的心声？他是否依旧是最懂我的人？不是每个人都能感应“距离也是一种美”，他呢？Dear, 我渴望你感应得到。。。我内心深处所承受的煎熬，还有加上病魔带给我的痛，早已使我身心交瘁，疲惫不堪。

一丝丝的思念在这时像是一根弦，联系着两人的心。这根悬挂着的弦是否会像断了线的风筝？

滴答滴答滴答，遥远的他在雨中淋湿了--- 仿佛一直在不远处，等待着魂牵梦萦的那个她。。。

Endless Rain

Endless Thoughts

遥远的她

夜阑人静的时候，一个身影依偎在窗边，隐隐透出丝丝的遗憾。冷风无情地刮过，心中的死灰依旧没有复燃。苍白的脸庞，那消瘦的身影，带着一丝遗憾美，在风中摇摆着。不论时间过了多久，秒针不停地转动，还是不见她的倩影。那熟悉的倩影如今显得很遥远，两人的频率是否有偏差？这是否在试试这份爱的真与假？

遥遥万里，两人的距离不知能否经得起时间的考验？转眼之间，两年已过去，他只是日益消瘦，深深被寂寞缠绕着。黑暗的人生，再也感受不到阳光的光与热，遗留下来的只是阵阵的冷风，狠狠地吹打这饥渴的心灵。空虚的心灵，除了遥远的她，还有谁能够将其填满？

遥遥万里，心声是否有偏差？痴痴地在窗边等待，夜夜任由风吹雨打，只为听到她借风声倾诉。“对不起，我真的从来没有想过伤害你，我只愿你会幸福。至于幸福是否来自于我，这一切不重要。”那颗冻结的心是否夏融冬冰？热情若没变，那管它沧桑变化。。。

遥远的她，再也见不着了，伊人却连在梦中都想着抱紧她。在人群中寻寻觅觅，依旧没有答案。平日的不闻不问是否是伪装？其实他的世界只有单一颜色，仿佛患上了全色盲症，而她恰恰是他的唯一色彩。如今遥遥万里，再也等不到她的出现，随着时间的洗礼，心心相印的频率逐渐会出现偏差。人，依旧依偎在窗边，大雨倾盆而下，淋湿了他，亦似浇熄了心中的死灰。

但，热情并没变，那管它沧桑变化。。。

As I sit by the window, writing this song, the Rain outside continues. When I have finished this song, the love still lies in my heart, unfinished..... I lay on my bed, thinking of you...... Yet there, you will no longer be.....

End

小情歌
词曲:吴青峰
演唱:苏打绿

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着人们心肠的曲折
我想我很快乐
当有你的温热
脚边的空气转了

这是一首简单的小情歌
唱着我们心头的白鸽
我想我很适合
当一个歌颂者
青春在风中飘着

你知道就算大雨让这座城市颠倒
我会给你怀抱
受不了看见你背影来到
写下我度秒如年难捱的离骚

就算整个世界被寂寞绑票
我也不会奔跑
逃不了
最后谁也都苍老
写下我时间和琴声交错的城堡

The End - 曲终

Injured once again, Lost in Faith

Well, recently at home, ppl who know it already, hi, i dislocated my elbow. Well, the incident as to why it happened i dun wish to go into details. The summary is due to some choreographed dance steps with other ppl, they "threw" me onto the floor, which i fell, the force was great and there, i dislocated my right elbow. As it happened too fast, i dunno & dun wish to go into detail whether it was intentional or not, after all, it wont make me recover anyway.

What i sincerely felt in this whole thing is tt I lost faith in the "Almighty Being", I.E whoever is up there, be it God or whatsoever. Why is it Destiny always makes it so hard for me? I simply wish to work hard and dance, and i end up with multiple injuries everywhere. Why cant i be allowed to just work hard and excel? Im juz being hardworking, believing that putting in effort will lead to returns (Im not talking abt proportionate returns). Even if returns are less, as long as they are positive, its ok. But now, I getting negative returns. In fact, after my recovery, i haf to train back my strength, afterwhich is then the improving. So basically everything is back to square one. I believe i will need abt 1 yr to get back everything i lost...

Amidst all these, I will lose flexibility too, which will take donkey of years and PAIN to train back... Tt's the most shitty thing. Next, There will be vitiating factors such as my damn job occupying most of my time in life, leaving me with minimal time to train back my well-being. Come on la, If i haf to work till 3 am everyday, what makes u think tt i will haf time to stretch, warm up and do physiotheraphy training? F*** It!!!

Life sucks at this point of time. As age catches up with me, It's already v hard to keep up the normal training to maintain my physical agility, not to mention Freaking injuries juz bump into my life and make things worse. Life is such, i am doomed and condemned nv to be a dancer. F*** it.... =(

I sincerely lose faith, as life is giving me negative returns when i put in hard work....=(

Unknown, Despair, Alost

The End

Music can change moods

Well, time is 11pm 6 Oct 2007. Got lots of things to be busy with. Basically I have burdens from CDAA, asking me to organize Anyhow Arts & Dance in Unity, which is a freaking CMI thing, i feel. Then i have my audit jobs, coming in will be big assignments next week. And i have rehearsals from MI Arts even on weekdays. Last but not least, every sunday i gotta rush for 3 dance places. Ballet, PA, MI.

This is damn pressurising, but the worst is the CDAA thingy. Cos honestly, CDAA is not something i wanted and it should haf been something tt haf closed down long ago. All the ppl in it are tired, they oso haf their own stuff to be busy with, their passion is long gone, they are not comfortable with working with one another, so why?? I seriously think why hang on to this association if they no longer feel its essential? Can it be done in a more gentlemen way? Simply juz declare tt every1 is tired, henceforth, decide to close the assoc. It will as simple as that. Dun keep complaining & refusing to pump in effort for the assoc.

Its super tiring and im worn out. But still the world continues revolving.
Well, enough for complaining. Let's go into today's topic. Music. It really can change a person's mood. Due to Juncheng's intro, I have once again gone back into X Japan Music. Yoshiki's piano pieces are really good, and im once again visiting X Japan, Luna Sea, Dir en Grey, Glay, Larc en Ciel old pieces. Those bands which r still intact today haf evolved into diff styles, but i still stick to their old styles, basically the visual rock style in the 80s & 90s. Aft 1999, Jrock declined and survivng bands move into diff bandwidths. Eg. Dir en Grey is still intact & i would say they are still super good today, in fact haf achieved international fame. But i still prefer their old style of music - the style influenced by X Japan.

Music really works wonders. Listening to X Japan pieces, really appeal to the dark side of my moods. Thanks so much to e music, it helps to relieve stress. The thing i like abt e Past Jrock music is tt it releases dark energy in a classical way, not like punk rock or heavy metal. It's rock with lots of technical skills needed and combined with orchestra instruments to release a dark, yet classical energy. In Kpop, there is only 1 person who can do tt, Moon Hee Jun. Simply listen to Outside Castle by H.O.T and u will get wat im saying. Dark Energy coupled with classical feel. In fact, Outside Castle is already v pop. Aft Hee Jun went into his solos, his music took a different turn and he has managed to combine rock with classical, releasing a unique sorrowful feel in his music. Talented.

Yoshiki now writes music for UK Violet etc and his lyrics and music are getting darker. Its good but UK Violet is not as technical as X Japan, hence the classical feel is not up to mark. So from rock, we move on to classical & orchestra. This brings me to Yoshiki's album, Eternal Melody II. I have an entry entirely written abt this album i think, but i shan't dwell on it. From Yoshiki, we move on to orchestra, and here i m with a French Musician, Yann Tiersen. Another talented musician with extremely good music. Imagine Korean B-boy crew, Expressions, used his music to do breakdance? A 9 min presentation, totally using Yann Tiersen's classical & orchestra music. Woah!!!! =)

Well, typing an entry all abt these musicians seems boring to my readers. But honestly, if u would just go listen to some of the artists whom i intro, read their lyrics, listen to their music, u will get a v diff feel from the normal poppish music u hear everyday.... Well till next time, I think i will dedicate another entry to all my favourite music artists/ musicians.

Music is Soul

解脱

Time is 23 Sep 07, ain't really happy recently.. Just got news abt a fren who quit her audit job in EY where she had worked only few months? Life's hard for us auditors... The above title of my entry is the latest song on my playlist, Jie Tuo by Li Jiu Zhe (Aka Xiao Pang of the Machi Gang) This song is really nice and the lyrics are so meaningful. Though the song title usually misleads ppl to thinking tt it is the song by A-mei, but nope, this song has its own uniqueness too.

My fren's MSN nick is: Thinking of what i really wanna do in the future, Audit is definitely not for me.
Having read that, i oso dunno what i want. Perhaps, ppl of our generation are too fortunate, hence too self-centred on thinking what I WANT. Its all abt ME, & I etc. My parents generation slog their whole lives out just to make ends meet tt they dun even haf chance to talk abt their dreams & ideals. Which side should i be on? Be a daring person, and go search for my ideals, which may not even come true in a lifetime (Artists usually led a poor life till they r dead, then their works get cherished, Sigh.... Irony), Or just stick by my job everyday and slog my life away in OFFICE? There is no right or wrong, but just tt if i go for dreams etc, it seems impractical & self-centred. I shld be working to support my family, repay all my debts to parents etc, be responsible for their costs of living etc. Life is v brittle, esp mine i think.... Im perhaps just not strong enough.... Then again, whats the definition of "strong"? F*** it lah..


Anyway, all these are just side notes. Basically i just felt like introducing this song to the readers of my blog. Its nice. The lyrics are below and readers out there (if any at all), do take note of the lyrics ya? Many a times, Love happens/ evolves into what is written in the song, so ppl, when dealing with Love, Handle it with care. =)

End of Entry

歌手：李玖哲
歌曲：解脱

爱永远都是难题失去分寸太容易
谁都是凡人不够小心翼翼
有时候忘了珍惜伤害来的太无意
有时爱太急需要空间呼吸

争吵愈狠痛愈深刻然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的

Chorus:
如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过
遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱, 连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着

让你哭泣对不起为了爱承受委屈
说过的承诺其实还没忘记
愈是在乎的关系愈是相处不容易
伤害了你我也失去勇气

争吵愈狠痛愈深刻然后不断自责
我们都忘了最初的快乐
拥抱越紧痛愈深刻谁不会舍不得
现在我给的或许并不是你要的

如果分离是唯一的解脱
最后的话我来说
如果永远你不必再难过
遗憾让我来过
就算过去的回忆太脆弱, 连未来也没有我
爱着你仍是我的执着

走到感情关键时候却握不住你的手
还能有什么藉口让爱再回头

多少的爱说不出口
就让时间帮我说话
我一个人拼命挣扎
总比两个人一起难过还好吧

Chorus *
爱着你唯一的解脱

Life as @ Sep 07

A month has passed since I started work and shant mention the unhappy issues cos as i always say: this blog is a paperless collection of all my memories, i wouldnt want my memories to be filled with worthless stuff when i re-read my blog like perhaps 10-20 yrs down the road?

During this month, as it is off-peak, i still got some time for myself, dun haf to work thru midnights but unfortunately, it didnt mean tt i could knock off on time. Life's hard. I got my first pay and alas!! It was pro-rated and i got a v little amt, which i dunno how im gonna survive for this following month. Frenz out there who still owe me $$, pls return me this time, cos i really really need it. Every single dollar now seems helpful.

Honestly, for this month tt has passed, it wasnt a happy month. All the more, i begining to miss my frenz, all the outings we haf etc. All the dance pracs etc. Dancetitude 07 has ended and i have some personal comments on it. Basically, it can be summarized in juz a sentence. Dance is not all abt Hip Hop only, and i seriously symphathize those ppl who really think tt as long as they know Hip hop, they are good dancers. Hahaha, after dancing for so long, all the more i feel tt i dunno how to dance. Its like what they say: The more u know, the more u realize u dunno.

Hence, i sincerely feel so sad for those MJ ppl who really gets stuck in Hip hop only. After a trip to Sarawak, Kuching, for the dance festival, now that im back, i really realize how much i dunno abt dance. Its so Wah piang.... =( And the irony is tt when i look back at MJ ppl, i realize how much more they dunno, yet thinking tt they do know; Which is the most comical part abt this irony. Honestly Dancetitude in Mitran's item was quite fun, at least the bare minimum there is no politics, no back-stabbing, no bitching ard. We juz dance, and yup even if i cant dance well, I still enjoy the "process" of dancing. That's the enjoyable part. Anyway enough abt MJ, shall move on to another topic.

Dance with the de-funtc Dance Inspiration always turns out to be v tiring. The political issues are killing me and i gotta help sort out the things ya? It's tiring. Worse still, This year's Anyhow Arts at PA which is org by CDAA, Guess what? I kanna arrowed to be the overall Program Planner. Congrats! I gotta write proposals send to ask for funding, coordinate among all the choreographers' items and eventually settle the logistic issue. Dun need ask me ask for help from anyone, becos in the CDAA committee, I am the freaking most junior person. Who to task? Diaozz, i cant possibly task all the senior teachers to do things for me right... Haiz...

Ok, gotta rush back to do my work liao, brought work from office to home to complete. So shall blog again the next time when i free.

Not v happy recently

Work is not fun

Communication is IMPT

Actually language is used to communicate with each other. However, the irony seems tt as more is being spoken, more MIS-communication is caused. So is it best not to speak at all? Till today, then i found out tt the "UNI saga" has not ended and yet even elevated to a next level. Things are going way off. Actually, its really a BIG misunderstanding.

Its hurtful & disheartening to see a 14-yr old troupe juz go like tt, and a long partnership torn. Who caused this? I dunno, i know tt miscommunication caused it. The interesting thing is tt msg/info gets distorted everything it is transferred from one person to another. Original msg may be a whole deal diff from what eventually reaches the intended receiptant. Amidst the transfer of info, there may be malicious parties trying to benefit from the misunderstanding. Hence, it escalates the level of miscommunication. Above all, when the msg finally reaches the receiptant, its v subjective of how it is interpreted. Having studied Drama & Theatre b4, i know its really a whole deal how diff interpretations can be.

Dance seems so dangerous now, i dun even dare to talk to anyone, except for Sam & Zhenyu they all, whom i treat as close frenz. The rest juz seem so dangerous. Everything tt gets out of my mouth now is subjected to all distortions. As long as some1 hears it and decides to upscale it, Tt's e end. And worse still, keeping quiet doesnt help too, cos keeping quiet can be subjected to interpretation as well. It may be interpreted as "He's guilty, ashamed, tt's y dun dare to speak up", or "He trying to act blur only, actually he is the $%^&* person" etc.

This makes me v upset actually. I honestly know tt in the Real Working World ouside there, everything is like tt. Imagine if some1 badmouths u in front of Boss, (not once but many times), gradually Boss will tend to believe tt maybe there is Some truth in the person's remarks. Inevitably, ur yr-end performance appraisal will be affected. Imagine me go to work need to guard against these stuff, now in DANCE, oso haf to like tt? Its so tiring for me. =(
Dance shldnt be this way but I simply dun understand why there r ppl who enjoy creating choas out of nothing. I know tt i go to work need to face such stuff & there's no escaping but in my interest, i oso haf to face these stuff??

Some ppl are juz too dangerous, yet e most scary part is tt nobody realizes they are dangerous, except me. Thereby, even if i do voice out they are malicious, its unlikely tt any1 will believe. Hence, the way i can opt is only to distance myself from them. Hopefully, when they realize tt im not obstructing their path of **"Success & Glory", i can be abstained from being MISUNDERSTOOD.

**The irony is this - what success is there in becoming a troupe's most senior person or tt equivalent? A dance troupe is always non-profitable, hence there is actually no success to mention at all. If u r looking for authority & power, mind u, every1 basically only listens to Mr Low, nobody has authority over anybody, becos this is no longer an ECA back in sch days. So, if power is e objective, then u r oso in the wrong place.

So the issue is - Why back-stab any1 at all? Dance is juz an interest. Pulling down some1 from grace and EVEN replacing tt person eventually, there is no success at all, why go thru all the trouble? So funny, so comical......

End of Entry

Super Tired

Towards the End

Dance Inspiration was established in 1993 by Mr Low, it was meant to let students with passion in dance have a place to express their interests & hone up their skills, as well as provide a platform for them to showcase their talents. Over the years, different batches have come & go, students have changed, the passion has worn off. But it has nv come close to a halt.

This time however, I sincerely think tt the troupe is in crisis, has gone towards the End. I was talking to Wan Ling today and being the 1st Gen gen of members for DI, (I belong to the 2nd Gen), we talked alot abt the past. I mention alot abt the current status of the troupe. It's not optimistic. Lets take a step back into History.

1st Gen - Wanling, Han Qiang, Yong Hao, Guang Ming etc
2nd Gen - Myself, Zixiang, Zhou Xiu, Angeline, Shan Bao etc
3rd Gen - Hui Ting, Connie, Thresa, Claire etc
4th Gen - Kai wei, Sam, Daryl etc
5th Gen - Xiao Sam tt batch + Wei Hong, Yi Long, Khoon hui etc
6th Gen & above - Kee Lui, Hann Bin, and the younger rest

Things dun look optimistic. In the past, we used to do lots of shows, in fact i dare say even till the 4th Gen, i was still doing shows with them, though i was over-aged in their batch. =P But things took a downturn when 5th Gen onwards ppl came along. That was also when we moved from BVCC to Kallang PA, if there are 4th Gen readers out there, i believe u all will know. How we used to talk cock in Holland V Breko after dance pracs. =D

The issue is this: It's an egg & chicken scenario. When students dun commit to take part in performances, Mr Low will not dare to undertake show requests. {Eg. I always remember becos those idiots nv commit (even when free), tt's why in 2005 Lao Jiu, Mr Low originally promised TTP 8 dancers, in the end only 4 - me, kw, yx, kenrick. Then he kanna upside down from TTP. =( }When there are no platforms for performing, students MAY (not absolute) see no pt in practising, cos no need perform. So coming for practices is not as impt. Hang out with frenz better.

So the cycle goes on and now in DI, everywk, many dun come for practices. Even if they appear, they dun practise at all. Then standard becomes lower & lower. Of course i do agree tt the INTENTION OF COMING is diff. I used to come cos i wanna hone my skills, improve etc. Now, the kids come becos of companions. But the issue is this, This troupe belongs to MR Low, he gets so disappointed & tired tt he oso dun feel like coming. HOW? I can really understand his stand, if i had a family, my Sundays will be precious to my family, why shld i come to spend time with the UNAPPRECIATIVE students at all? He spends time here, only to be disappointed to see ppl talking cock, fooling ard, nv practise anything.

Recently, he keeps telling me; "Zhongyi, i dun belong to this troupe anymore, u all like to do what u all do lor.." I seriously dunno how to react. i Always keep my mouth shut. Any readers out there can teach me? =(
There is nobody organizing the troupe. Nobody gives warmup at all, nobody pushes for anything, nobody turns up. This troupe was a free & easy troupe origianlly from 1st GEN. But back then, things still got some control. There were still some shows every yr, and approximately always got some ppl will wanna perform. Now, the ppl dun even perform, they juz come here for fun. Which they freaking forget one thing: Mr Low can easily ask u to pay $$ for using the tramp, the studio, the mattress etc. By right, there is no free lunch in this world. I daringly say: By right, we nv give Mr Low any $$ at all for all he has taught us, so rightfully, we could help him out by offering to perform for those shows so tt he doesnt haf to turn down requests. (Esp those shows which r becos of Ren Qing 人情)

But UNAPPRECIATIVE kids juz never commit. Diaozz, i was a student b4, if u cant commit when u in sec & JC/Poly, then Army liao all the more cannot commit what....

Bottomline is simple, IF all dun wanna commit, PLS juz dun come at all, then NOBODY comes at all, i dare say Mr Low at least can spend his Sundays with family. Now the troupe is neither here nor there, everywk, he oso dunno wanna come or not. He come, then he see things tt disappoint him again. He dun come, he feel tt like MAYBE there are still some enthu ones who will turn up, and being the nice teacher he is, he feels like shld treat us better etc.

This is getting nowhere lah. Talked to Wanling this morning, we talked so much tt i felt so apologetic taking up her work time =p

THE above mentioned is all my personal analysis from all the information I have. Perhaps there are some readers out there got more updated info than me, so things may be different. But back to topic, readers out there with abundant info, esp abt the "UNI saga", U tell me honestly, how to react to Mr Low's comment above? He mentions it so often, I everytime oso stumped, nv react. Ask him to stay and re-org the troupe, he may rebut : "Whats the pt?" Ask him to disband the troupe, then i become the BAD Guy who initiates the closure of a 14 yr old dance Troupe. DI -1993 -2007. And even IF i be bad guy, then HOW to disband? Send mass email to YahooGrps, tell every1 dun come anymore from now onwards? And DI will adopt another name? Then what if the new-born troupe, still got those ppl coming back, wont everything return back to sq one?


Totally sianz diao these days

End of Entry

Teaching experience @ Mayflower Sec

Time is 30 July 2007, Time has passed and i taught at Mayflower Sec for quite some time, shld be my last job b4 i step into audit line now. The teaching experience there was not fantastic, preferably because i couldnt really get in touch with the students due to the short lessons, i end up only having some vague impression of the students, shant blog down the CMI students so tt i dun bring along these CMI memories with me in the future.

In this entry, shall blog down those impressionable students tt really made teaching quite enjoyable in Mayflower Sec. Basically, they are 2007: 1E, 2A, 1I, 2E, 2I. Out of all these, of cos i had the most vivid impression of 1E which is the class selected to do a showcase, which i did up a 2 min item for them within 5 periods of lesson, ie. 2 1/2 hrs only, from non-dancers to performers. This one i oso quite stunned by myself tt i could change them in such a short period of time. I did up 3 versions of the item for them to choose, basically - Pop by N'Sync + Music makes u lose control, Pop (remixed version by myself), or Throw it on me (By Timbaland) + Pop. In the end, the students opted the easy way out and chose Pop (remix version) so ok lor, my other efforts went to waste but alright lor, the dance steps not v difficult. So in the end, they put up a showcase, and tt almost marks the end of my session with Mayflower, since this week is the last week.

Anyway, something worth mentioning is that the TIC of this Artist-in-School program, Mr Lam, he is really a good teacher. He really super good la, committed etc, now NHDS is really cos lack of this type of teacher, tt's y so CMI. Nowadays the teachers just lack this type of passion which the elder senior teachers used to haf... Haiz.....

Back to topic, teaching experience at MF Sec is ok ba, due to the presence of these few classes & Mr Lam, my life there is still tolerable. =) Whatever the case, this may probably be my last job, so i shall be happy & complete it. Will always remember the students who put in effort during my lessons =) Give the hardworking students good grades, & Fail those attitude ones.

End of Entry

Give credit & punishment when due

Only then can {Evaluation} be considered a fair tool of assessment

VG Chalet at Aranda Country Club



Finally had a VG chalet juz b4 end of graduation.... hahaha... Life was so simple there. Apparently, first day when we checked in, it was already super late with me, hui qun & yong shun only, the others all cannot make it on the first day.

In the end, a loser thing happened and I ended up playing 3 players' mahjong for the night till 2am. Siao lor, it was like so diaozz... Then on 2nd day 3rd July morning, I left the Country Club early & freaking travelled from Pasir Ris to Mayflower Sec Sch for the dance lessons. Wah piang it was tiring.... Then aft lunch, i went back to join them where Jingxian finally arrived.

The 4 of us then went to swimming, sauna etc, spent the afternn leisurely, nothing much of activity to talk of actually. But the issue is that, this type of life where u can do what u like w/o any stress & juz let time pass by is v relaxing..... I personally find it damn enjoyable.. Simple & easy, no activity = most activity....

For dinner we met Tinghan & luckily as he was driving, we went down to Geylang for steamboat. Food was ok, the only eventual event was tt we went back to chalet for a super final mahjong showdown till early morning 5 or 6 am. It was super jia lat... Apparently i only won abt thrice in the whole night from 11pm till morning... Still cannot believe it...
But dunno why when they count winnings in the end, i ended up being the overall winner... Abit funny & unbelievable...

Finally, at the end of the chalet on 4th July morning, i left early with Tinghan, he gave me a lift to Toa Payoh then i travel to Mayflower again for lessons. Didnt know how the rest of the VG members checked out..

Overall, this is really the kind of life i looking for la.. Super relax, i think better than grad trip where gotta travel to many many places & yet cant really enjoy & relax... Diaoz? Think i getting old? Like i super behaving like those retired personnel leh.... Aiyoh....

(Pai seh to all readers out there, i know my this entry a little boring & short but i juz wanted to pen down a simple relax "trip" which i enjoyed alot =) )

End of Entry

Simple is Bliss

ICE SKATING once again in 6 yrs

Well, time really flies, and after so long, i finally set foot on Fuji Ice Palace again. On saturday 16 Jun, went to ice skate with VG members. Taught Hui qun how to skate, though she did everything almost all by herself, i only there to give her assurance only =p Then cannot talk too much to her, she will lose concentration... Though i thought by talking she can dun be so tensed up, but in end, she end up telling me to keep quiet... diaozz....

The feeling is a little different from last time but the 'cool feel' of speeding on ice effortlessly is really nice. When its cold, and u glide along the ice smoothly, it feels really comfortable. If i can find ppl along, i might go again perhaps even once every week. 10 am when the skating ring juz opened, its nice without all those ppl.. Not so crowded, which means oso less dangerous la.. But the only imperfect thing abt this place is tt it plays Freaking Out-dated songs. Wah piang, cant imagine they are playing Leon Lai, Britney Spears' songs, which are donkey of years ago la.

The only song which i heard on saturday which i really think Wah Zai, is Daft Punk's Stronger Harder Faster Better. That's juz a perfect song for popping man....... wahaahah. But really the feel of ice skating is really good... Really helped me relieve stress, when gliding on ice, i simply feel so relaxed, though i will topple sometimes but yah, its nothing to pai seh abt, the key is know how to fall gracefully.... wahahah... =D

But anyway, so much for now, i may go ice skating every now & then perhaps.... =D Life's good

End of entry

U.N.I 2007

This entry is to express my passion for dance, my thanks & gratitude to frenz & fellow dancemates, and some of my greatest regrets in life. When i turn old & look back into this entries, perhaps i will sigh at why my life turned out to be like tt...

U.N.I 2007 ended on 26th May, with 2 days of performance straight. This used to be a Dance Inspiration project but e process & outcome didnt turn out like tt at all, All the production crew & choreographers shld haf known & realized tt this concert wasnt/ cannot be called a DI product at all. Nevertheless, i held on to the last & completed a few dances.
As i mentioned to Yi Meng & other VG members on 25th May, though in name i choreo 1 dance, but in substance i did 3 dances. The effort i put in 4 this production was so much more compared some other choreographers la, but listening to Kenneth, "Just try ur best for ur passion, tt's the only thing we can do", I juz pushed on..

UNI 2007 has ended, apparently oso seems like marking the end of my dance life.. Without dance performances, i dunno how my life will change. I told VG to come watch the perf cos its my last perf, which may la, i dunno what lies in the future. I will try my best to continue dancing, but maybe got no more chance to perform liao, tt's sad.... =(

So, marking towards the end of my dance performance/ dance life, the paragraph below is dedicated to my frenz =)

Thanks to Sam, Zhenyu, Zhiyan and those who came to help out during UNI
Thanks to VG who came to watch; Hui Qun, Yi Meng, Yongshun, Tinghan, cos this may be my last dance perf, i really appreciate u all coming
Thanks to Kenneth who still came though none of the NTU ppl came, thanks for always spurring me on in this Freaking route of mine, Hope u do well in ur route of Music =)
Thanks to the dancers of my UNI item, though the item was not up to my ideal, i still thank you for being a part of it, though i dunno u all enjoyed/ learnt anything from this post-modern dance or not... This may be my departing piece of work, hence i truly appreciate tt u all were a part of it, Thanx so much

Thanks to Lao Shi; Mr Low, for giving so much advice & encouragement along the way; HONESTLY SPEAKING HERE IN MY BLOG, I dunno the other items in UNI got throw ur face or not, but i sincerely hope my item didnt, I really really hoped tt this production didnt tarnish your reputation, seeing how it eventually turned out... And i Thank you for everything u haf done for this bunch of students whom u treat as ur children. When the production almost came to a halt, u even posed me a qtn: IF I were to cease this production now, will u all be v sad? (Showed that u placed the students above ur own reputation.... Respect!!!)
For the sacrifices u haf made for all these students, regardless whether worthwhile or not, I thank you & respect u for all u haf done...

For this sad part, which may be the greatest regret in my life, This is / drawing near to my last dance performance. The thought tt a job which i dislike (auditor) is draining my life away, i cant do things i like; Dance is gonna be history for me soon, and im sad tt i cant become a dancer/ instructor as a job. Perhaps its an issue of no flair, no opportunity, no networks. Hence, I really lack all the essential elements. But the harsh truth tt im not cut out for dance eventually simply juz demoralizes me, and puts my morale down, worst to worst it may sometimes even put my self-confidence down.... I oso dunno dance is good/ bad for me... Haizz....

水能载舟, 亦能覆舟

End of Entry

百感交集

表演, 舞蹈, 艺术 (Thoughts from Rize)

My DVD ordered from Yesasia finally reached today, Its a Region 1 DVD, luckily my laptop can play, if not $$ wasted... Ordered the Documentary film RIZE, which is abt krumping & clowning.. But to my very own surprise, the dvd inspired me not only in hip hop dancing, it inspired me to think abt 表演, 舞蹈, 艺术.

The documentary film touched on the origins of clowning & krumping. Watching the REAL stuff, i realized tt MTV krumping is so commercialized & really runined the spirit of krumping... Krumping was actually abt ppl expressing their anger, emotions, hatred, frustrations etc via some unrehearsed movements. Its all abt culture, its not longer DANCE alone. The setting where krump really originated was in USA, where gang fights, Shootings, drugs are everywhere, Life is hard for these Blacks. They cannot go to dance academy (no ballet, waltz, jazz etc), no $$. And they got no sports (not even american football/ basketball, tt is only possible in the main cities, according to the film la)

Hence everywk, teenagers juz crowd together at some garage or open space, with some music, and u dance..... Got no other activity what..... Give out all the angst & fustrations. Hence everything is every wild & beastly, which the documentary film show some parallel clips of Ancient African/Red Indian?? dance, which really found many similarities. The issue here is tribal.... Which led me to think of more abt the 表演, 舞蹈, 艺术 aspects...

Krumping, as a dance, is v tribal & has 宗教性, which led me to think abt the 乩童 in 庙会, actually we can draw many similarities in these two 表演. And the interesting thing is tt, both coincides with a common theatre theory - Antonin Artaud's Theatre Of Cruelty 残酷剧场. I really find that extremely amazing, each form of performance haf so much in common & all can be classified together under some performance theory.

什么是舞蹈, 什么是表演, 什么是艺术? 有人说舞蹈是通过肢体来表达讯息,情感,剧情等. 真的只是这样吗? 表演,艺术, 舞蹈, 甚至剧场, 四者之间的关系又是怎样的? 其中的微妙关系实在难以清楚明确地刮分.....

而舞蹈更是与宗教有着密切关系. 远古时代,第一个舞蹈应该是巫师吧! 之后,舞蹈也成了战争的附属品, 所以有所谓的"战舞". 当然之后, 舞蹈开始有了娱乐的作用 (宫廷舞,街头戏,勾栏/瓦舍), 但是无可争辩的是舞蹈的最初形态是与宗教有着密切关系. 舞蹈是带有"宗教性"的. 而Krumping 更加有这样的色彩. 看了之后, 我真的对于表演,艺术, 舞蹈, 甚至剧场有另一种体会.

Hence, i pen down this entry.... Its really inspiring... =) It has been a long time since i blogged abt something so enthusiastically....

End of Entry

NTU Memories

This entry is dedicated to all those whom i haf met in NTU, whether by chance or by fate. Time is Apr 12 2007, graduating soon from NTU, life will be different. Read Weiming's blog, hence got a sudden urge to write something & list down frenz's name juz in case next time old liao will forget...

My most appreciative thanx to all those frenz whom i made in NTU, u all haf an impact in my life in one way or another.. =)

Top 5 - Teddy Lim, Kenneth Tan, Liow Ee Jun, Ou Weiming, myself
Jianwei with his critical comments, Zesi & Cow Lim Junqi with their nonsense on msn everytime, Lynn Tan with her addressing me as 'Da ge' everytime though i really think i dun deserve tt =), Angie Chin with her nice personality & screaming "Zhongyiiiiiiiiiii" when she sees me, Adelene Fong the gan jiong Spider, Gwen, the super tall girl, always making me feel so extremely short when walking beside her, Eliz the super blur girl dying to become like Faye (FIR)......

Vierte Gekijio members; Elynn, Yi meng, Yongshun, Tinghan, Jingxian, Wei Hao, Weichang, myself Thanx for all you all haf done... though our perf : Masquerade was a short performance, which oso turned out to be our only performance, hahaha but i really really really ENJOYED it alot...


Come to think of it, i made really v little frenz compared to many other ppl in Uni.... hmmm, something is wrong with me... Haiz, everytime lidat, CMI..... =(

Anyway thanx every1 for making my life different....

Next portion tribute to memorable events in NTU life, not in accordance of importance;
1) Masquerade perf at Nayang Fine Arts with VG memebers, plus all the Tea House gatherings
2) All Top5 Gatherings
3) Impromptu Taiwan Trip with Weiming & Teddy, tt was really a trip which i enjoyed alot
4) 2D2N trip at Desaru

Next, some gangs which i joined in NTU
1) Forming of Top 5, with Teddy Lim as managing director, wahaha...
2) Vierte Gekijio - 8 members
3) 3x Scorpio gang comprising of me, Weiming, Eliz
4) FIR - Myself, Ang Chih Yeong & Eliz, with Eliz as Faye, CY as guitarist, me as Chen Jian Ning, diaozz right? cos my glasses tinted, and i look more stern.... hahaha

Like v little right? Maybe tt's y my Uni life not eventful enough.... Anyway, now currently cant think of anything more, will edit this entry & update in the future...

Unfinished

I took a bus home from Bishan on Sat, 31 Mar 2007. Was really surprised & shocked to see this layout of the bus. It's an SBS bus 54, and inside the seats layout is like tt.. The whole Bus is being so-called sponsored by Nokia, to be exact, nokia 5300. Even the entertainment on board is something called Music Mobile, and it plays some latest MTVs. As long as u are in the bus, u can activate ur Bluetooth to d/l this song for FREE... Though i dunno issit only exclusive to Nokia Hp users. But this bus layout really stunned me, and in the end, i enjoyed so much, i didnt even alight, i decided to sit all the way till Outram Bus Interchange then walk home from there...

The Bus is really cool sia.. The layout uses a concept of a pub/ bar etc.. Follow the photos, u can see that there is even a design of a table & chair juz like tt in a pub... I, and every1 else who boarded the bus was so amazed and ppl started taking photos with their hp.

Of cos i most extreme la, go every diff corner to take, since im the only one who sit from Interchange to Interchange... Wahaahah.....

Photos from Diff angles, basically i captured the whole bus from front to end compartment... Ppl who visit my blog, hope u all oso find this interesting.... Though i may appear a little stupid...

=)

许久的一个笔录

时间是三月十九日2007，我决定在这一天把生命中重要的决定写下来。距离毕业还有两个月左右，而我始终一事无成，对于前途事业感到迷惘。那天，老爸的好友忽然间去世了，三天前才刚和老爸聚会，三天后竟远离人世。妈听到这个消息也吓了一跳。那天晚上，他们对我说：人生无常，所以要做什么赶快去做，要不然没有机会了。

听了我就不知道做什么了。其实，我对舞蹈真的没有天分，我是否真的应该全心全意投入舞蹈工作？还是安安稳稳地当Deloitte的Auditor? 一个有稳定的收入，一个没有。一个是只要肯值夜班，熬通宵，过了五年，一定会有金钱回报。另一个则不知是否能养活自己，更不要说养活家庭。其实，我到底该如何抉择？我不想选择，因为我知道两个选择都会严重影响我接下来会过什么样的生活。常言道：男怕入错行，女怕嫁错郎。

我真的不知如何是好。。。。。舞蹈虽然使我常常很开心很充实，但同样的，它也造成了我许多的不快。我不是出类拔萃的舞蹈家，我是否该投身于舞蹈工作呢？

Huayi Festival 07/ Movies / Music
(Countdown of 4 mths to worklife)


Time is 6 Mar 07. Recently spent alot of time on performances, movies, music etc. Last yr at Huayi Festival, i went to watch Fei Chang Ma Jiang (Mahjong), Cursive by Cloud Gate DT. This yr i went to watch An Lian Tao Hua Yuan and B.O.B The Final Cut.... Movies & DVD wise, i watched quite alot, did some catching up with the current/ past movies; Dreamgirls, Take The Lead, BoA Best of Soul concert, Luna Sea Final Act concert, Coyote Ugly. Did not watch The Protege by Andy Lau, Follow Law by Jack Neo, sianz....

But recently life is abit siao, kinda lost of direction liao, dunno what to do.... Last sem coming to an end, work life gonna start, i oso dunno now can do what... juz keep playing & playing but nothing concrete seems to be done.... Am i living my life the way it shld be? What exactly did i miss out?

Recently went to attend GE courses, realized tt i continue to learn alot, but OTOH, all these knowledge dunno got use or not lei.. Im happy learning it, but apparently its such a pity i got no opportunity to put these knowledge into use.... Shld i juz carry on like a clown, enjoying every moment & day of my life, but nothing concrete comes out of it, OR shld i go do something concrete out, but yet may not be enjoying the process though...?

How shld i live my life for the next coming 4 mths?
Time is early Mar, July start work.... Dance is coming to an end....

End of Entry

2007 CNY Coming (Where is the Prestige of being a NHDS dancer?)

Life is such, CNY is coming, Valentines' juz passed... Sigh... Time is 16Feb. My injury is giving me more & more probs liao, cant even determine if its remeuthism or injury... Jia lat, dunno still can dance till when? Life is hard on me, gotta struggle on...

Back to NH; a place i once could go back in the past whenever i feel down, now is no longer the same. Of cos everything in this world changes with time, but changes can be for the better too, unfortunately NHDS is changing simply from bad to worse. Things juz cant function la, now left wei hong & sam doing all the work liao, the rest are like virtual? Jie yim dunno what she busy with, the 1990 batch oso like totally invisible one, haiz..... NHDS cannot make it liao, I mean during Paul & wei hong era, still got grads to help "extinguish the fire" but now dun haf liao, and the TIC is worse lor, last time it was bad, now its worse.... Clearly, being a NH dancer has almost lost all its prestige. Whats the point now liao?

Back in sch, u haf kids competing & being uncooperative simply becos they feel they better than the seniors? The exco having such a bad time la.... Respect and stuff are not built on dance skills la... Dunno if they know what is respect? NHDS is getting harder & harder to manage... Hmmm, wonder is it cos i old liao, no much more drive & motivation? Anyway, my last try in helping this batch ba... Im quite sure next batch no chance liao... Hahaha got so many AP ppl, wanna help them they oso wont appreciate...

Things dun look postitive ah, Grads dun behave like grads, juniors dun behave like juniors, TIC dun behave like TIC...

Anyway, CNY is coming so shall F*** care everything first, aft holiday then say.... hahaha

End of Entry

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

New Post of 2007

Time is now 27 Jan 2007, A start of a new year, this is my final sem in Uni, will be working in DT after graduation, i wonder how my life will be transformed into.... Sigh.... No life..

Things are still pending now, lots of things are... This sem is rather happy, rather free to adjust my own timing, fill up my free time with things i like to do... =) Its alright, quite satisfied, but things gonna turn ugly after Graduation i suppose...
Wonder if Yingying can really help me? If yes, then the chances of the ideal of what Hui qun told me may actually be able to come true... =D Hahaha, Hai Die....

But anyway, if all things collapse and fall thru, then dance can only be a thing of the past liao... Sobz.... =( Things not optimistic, family income is zero, gotta support mum & dad asap, DT is a safe choice but not my ideal choice... Lets just see how things goes ba....

All i can say to God/ Destiny, is tt: I haf tried my best, i worked hard amidst all the constraints i am given; Yes, tt may not be my best effort, i could haf participated in more competitions, signed up for more dance classes, but this is what i haf worked hard amidst all the constraints, hence i am/ have to be willing to accept whatever consequences of my choices...

Start of 2007