Prelude to Essay 12 : When did your heart stop loving me?

Well, Yes Finally finished my 12th essay aft a damn long time... Sorry no ling gan & no feelings, no time to do due to exams & dance at NHDS, so finally can sit down within these 2 weeks to complete this... This time, dun treat this as an essay, instead treat it as a song... Realize i wrote 'Prelude' instead of 'Foreword'? Cos i treated this as a song, which is why its length is relatively short....

As usual, readers feel free to comment... The ling gan of this product comes from 2 songs; namely my current blog song; "Its gonna be alright" by Shinhwa & "Just Like Now" by Kang Ta. The lyrics for Kang Ta's song are listed below... The song is v touching, i got the feelings by listening to a song whose language i dun understand, can u imagine how touching KT's voice is? I mean to touch some1's heart where he cant even understand what u singing, his vocals are really super good lah, its injected with life & soul..... =) Personally i like the last 2 paras of this product, felt tt i ended it a smooth way, readers how abt u?
Readers, u able to spot which are the words may be used for a chorus? =) some phrases are used repeatedly in this essay/song cos i deliberately wish to create a 'chorus effect' though i dunno successful or not lah...... =p

(Just Like Now) By: Kang Ta

The moment I first saw you, my heart stopped.
It was as if all my many lonely days were spent waiting for you...

I just can't believe that you are standing right before my eyes.
It has started for me...from the moment you and I first met today...

The coming bright morning, the shining/gleaming afternoon, even the dark night...
They will also be happy because of you...

Even my lonely days which I struggled through for so long...just wandering about...
Since you're here now, I'm sure it won't be the case anymore...

Your oh so lovely appearance and my feelings for you...I wish they go on forever...
May this very moment right now be forever...as I take care of you

End of prelude

When did your heart stop loving me?

雪不断地落下，我披着雪白色的外套，望着纷飞的雪花，感叹着岁月的飞逝。。。冷冷的风迎面向我刮来，但却远不及内心的寒冰。此时此刻，你不在身边，我不知所措。孤独的日子依旧持续不断，似乎快忘了当初相遇时的情形，但是桃花依旧、人事已非。。。。

至今你已身在何处？不知现在是谁在握着那双温柔的手、亲吻那柔软的双唇？那个已不再出现在我面前的倩影，我依然深深思念着，是我错。。。面对这个冬天，阳光无法驱走寂寞，残留下来的依然是那脆弱的心灵，挥之不去的痛。即将来临的黎明、明媚的清晨、褪色的黄昏、冷酷孤寂的黑夜，它们都为你而动容，在每个思念你的一天。记忆已似乎没有存在的价值，但还是在内心深处徘徊着。。。

白色玫瑰是你的最爱，在这个色彩缤纷的世界，你对白色、红色情有独钟。飘逸的头发总是散发着迷人的芳香。两口子总是以双“单词”对话，仿佛有如婴孩呀呀学语。喜欢你总是对 Toy Toy念念不忘，喜欢听小猪与大灰狼的故事，喜欢你常在我手臂咬上一口，喜欢你总是看到婴儿就浑然忘我，喜欢和你一起共享绿茶口味的雪糕，喜欢“鹿鹿与抱抱”，喜欢在你生病时陪你去看医生，喜欢在你不开心时陪在你身旁。。。

快乐的时光总是不长久，那一点一滴的欢乐会长存我心中，陪我度过每一个孤寂的冬天。从春夏至秋冬，我还是找不到你的身影，没有人可以像你。离开你是一种煎熬，知道我在你生命中出现得不是时候；在你离去的那一刻，白色玫瑰枯萎了，落下的眼泪随即凝结成冰，沙钟里的流沙也流尽了，点唱机的最后一曲也到了曲终人散的阶段。。。 在你离去的那一刻，黑夜降临、黑夜白昼已无分别，时钟的秒针停止转动，心跳的旋律不再美妙。。。。

在过去的记忆里寻找你，逐渐成了一个习惯，从春夏至秋冬。睡梦中的我依旧听见你甜美的歌声，那把只存在梦境里的歌声。即将来临的黎明、明媚的清晨、褪色的黄昏、冷酷孤寂的黑夜，在醒来的这一天，请容许我再爱你多一天。。。

Love is...... Don't worry about me Girl, I'm gonna be alright..............

End of Song

Your EQ is 160

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

In Appreciation to those ppl ard me who believed in me

时间是26 NOV 2006, 今天在PA做舞蹈, 依旧面对那些让我心灰意冷的事, 当然一切都是重蹈覆辙. 对于这些事, 我虽已司空见惯, 但还是会影响我的心情. 不过呢, 在此每次都因舞蹈而悲伤的我, 想对周围的人说声: 谢谢你们!!
时代已不同, 我懂的东西已经似乎不被现在的年轻人接受...... 无助的我真的非常感谢所有在我身旁的人, 谢谢你们仍然相信我的理念, 我的那一套学说....

舞蹈在PA 已经非昔日时的情况, 所以我真的唯有凭自己的努力走下去, 真的不知会变怎么样, 但真的谢谢现今周围的人, 因为有你们的信任, 我才会一直坚持自己的理念.
Honestly i just suddenly thot of what Jeff Tan taught me: Arts (whether visual arts, musical arts, performing arts, digital art etc) in its finest form, is usually not understood by most ppl. If u really want, then just do it, as to whether what are the critics/ audience comments, they are not important. Whether u make it big or not, is really dependent on Time & Culture. The flair for arts is a black/white situation, no grey. Its either u haf it, or u dun.... It cant be trained/ nutured......
Its the harsh truth.

Come to think of what he say, hmmm.... maybe really v true.... Sigh..... Unfortunately, i dun haf it but still wish to do it..... 简直是飞蛾扑火.......

执着的我

飞蛾扑火

THE PRESTIGE

Time is Nov 9 2006, as usual an all time low period in my life.. Everytime i thot this was the lowest, it always gets lower again.... haizz.... Life is hard on me, or maybe simply becos i not strong enough? Dunno who to blame, what to do, i can only constantly remind myself that i m already v fortunate to haf whatever i haf now, cos all these r not granted... Maybe i may be born in a third world country next life, where i dun even haf $$ to buy food, how to worry whether my life is happy/ successful/ eventful or not... But sincerely i do wish to say: Being appreciative is appreciative, sincerely deep down inside im still unhappy, and i know the unhappiness is brought by myself, so i got no choice... Cos i Kan bu kai, Fang Bu Xia, too stuborn, so bring abt unhappiness... I mean: becos i kan bu kai, so yah lor, gotta accept & endure the unhappiness in my life lor... Its a matter of choice & consequences ba..... Haizzz.... Hopefully thru this sighing, i can get rid of all my unhappiness =)

This entry is to talk abt the movie: THE Prestige, as well as some insights as to what this movie has influenced me...
First & foremost, this movie is really deep & lots of underlying meaning, depending on how u wish to interpret the movie and also how u wish to apply those principles to ur own life... few weeks haf passed since i watched tt movie, and yet i still haf not finished discovering ALL the interpretations, Damn deep, damn good movie sia....

Shant bore this entry with all the technical analysis & critique of this movie, shall do it when i more free next time... Next, is to write down something tt has an impact in my life, the critical sentence mentioned in the movie: OBSESSION IS A YOUNG MAN'S GAME
Well, yup many times i m unhappy is perhaps due to this sentence? not tt i shld regard myself old & dun care anymore abt anything since obsession is a young man's game, but yah, since it is detrimental to me, perhaps i shld follow this good advice & give up on some obsession?

Dance has always been my passion, but i dunno since when, dancing in DI is no longer fun... Becos of the UNI production, things are getting v ugly there, everytime i read the emails from DI, everytime i witness the ppl booking the studios & the dancers, i can see ugly things.... Dance can no longer be the way i enjoy it, hence an all time low for me in life.... In addition, any efforts by me to extend my dance life is being destroyed or spoiled by perhaps fate? i dunno what to classify that but yah......

Frenz who know tt i applied for that job is still pending right? F*** it lor, so now my dreams/ideal seems shattered cos BIG 4 is coming in already... I have to decide by Dec if not next yr grad then no more job vacancy liao... & yet F*** thing is audit is not life i want, not tt i hate audit, its juz tt if i go audit, i gotta give up all my other talents lei, Hello its ALL!!!!!!
Dance, Theatre & Drama, Chinese Studies, Cinemotography, everything.....

So yup, i dunno what Life has installed for me in the future, i dunno how im going to spend the rest of my life.... All i can know is perhaps give up obsession may make me a happier man? Suddenly recall a song by Moon Hee Jun, Alone.... That song is so meaningful =)

LIFE

Food for thought

The entire entry this time, i copied it from Juncheng's blog, so to recognise the copyright, credits to Juncheng. I took these cos i felt they were meaningful, not necessary definitely correct but some food for thought.. I remembered the first time i read it few weeks/months ago, i found it v interesting, so copied it over here, so tt i can go thru now & then or even when i get older.... =)

1) dare to try and venture
it is of human nature to be curious. however, this curiousity wears off as we proceed on in life due to the falls we experienced and the pain we endured. it becomes our instinct to be cautious of every little risks and dangers that may revolve around the things that appears as strangers to us. but how are we going to live life to the fullest and live meaningfully when your life would be trapped and isolated off in a fantasy world of your own, just like a sealed crate sealing your fate as a mundane, monotonous and mechanical life. sometimes for some things we do in life there is just no time to ponder whether it would be feasible to approach something in some ways, for time and chance waits for no one and at times once gone, it is gone for good. taking a rational risk in lifemay just bring you surprises that you might not have dreamt of and expected.

2) enjoy and don't compare
everyone is unique, and so are their life. so how are we suppose to compare and for what, when there are billions of living people on this Earth and everyone have a different kind of happiness as well as problems. unless you are a god who is supposedly perfect, we should look at life in a accepting way. if that's Fate and nothing can be done to change it, anger and tears ain't going to bring us anywhere. rather, why not take things in our stride and just let it go? enjoy life as it is, 'cos you would not understand how blessed you are until you let every single happenings seeps through your soul and accept your destiny the way it is. as long as you are happy, that is your own paradise.

3) simplicity rocks
we are exposed to everything and anything under the sun, be it good or bad. we lost our innocent mind we used to have as a child and learnt how to think. however, the more we think, the more complex things get. the more we treat life as a problem and the more we try ways and means to solve it, it ended up messier than it was. why not be simple for once? there are many different shades of blue we know of, from bright to dull. when asked to describe blue, most would ponder which one is the purest and most basic form of blue? same with our life. we get lost as we try to change and adapt for the better, yet at he same time the more we learn, the more we think, the more we change, the more confused we get. we lose our way, we lose our identity, and we even lose our soul at point of time, banishing ourselves into a nobody. we are who we are, and we just need to be ourselves and the most natural and best form to be a somebody attractively unique.

4) don't give up too fast
stress, failures, obstacles...all these have contributed to our disappointments and frustrations once and again. they will never stop coming until the day you vanish from the surface of this world. if that is so, why bow to the demon that tripped you so hard? fight it! we lack of perserverance, as one would often give the excuse that one failure after another has beaten the morale and and worn patience out. "you'll never fail until you stop trying", and that is an attitude we ought to hold when dealing with daily life problems. you will eventually reap what you sowed and enjoy that sweetness of success in life.

5) treasure whatever you have
humans always fail to treasure their precious in life until they lose them. some things comes along once, unless time rewinds you will not find a exact duplicate of it ever again. appreciate what you have in life, and be thankful to things around you. even if it is something bad, be positive about it. learn to love it as a experience gained as well as an important lesson for your life, for without it in future encounters you will lack the skills to face it. express your appreciation as well as your concerns to the loved ones around you before its too late in this ever unpredictable life, be it friends, kins or even if he or she is just an acquaintance. make someone's day, and one day someone will just make your day.

Copyright from Juncheng's blog

Beachboys <<海滩男孩>>

时间是2006 年九月，我已是大学生。认识我的朋友，与我电邮沟通的人都知道我的地址是Beachboys。这个电邮址是从1998年伴随我到现在。将来它也还是有存在的意义。到底Beachboys的意义在哪里？

出生在我那个年代的人应该对哈日风熟悉吧！Beachboys，海滩男孩，是日剧的戏名，是由反町隆史、竹野内丰、广末凉子主演的。剧情我就不在这儿多说了，主要的是；竹野内丰是一个放弃高薪职位的商业精英，来到海边的民宿寻找不一样的生活。反町隆史则是一位无所事事的青年，看似没出息，但他其实曾是国家队的首号游泳健将，因受伤而退出，他一样来到民宿寻找他理想中的生活方式。民宿是广末凉子的爷爷经营的，而她也住在那儿。这部戏用了海洋来比喻许多人生的哲理。

这部戏在我十五岁时已在我脑海里留下了深深的印象。我到底要过什么样的生活？这辈子应如何度过？因此，每当我生活不如意时，看看<<海滩男孩>>，听听它的原声带总是能让我平伏心中的忧郁。生活方式有千百种，应该没有人可以对我的生活价值提出质疑。。。。虽然我生活不如意，没有任何成就可言，读书、才智、舞蹈、才华，我真的好像什么都没有，但我还是真的希望可以活出一个精彩的人生。 若有人问我，你理想的生活方式是什么，我很天真的说：其实就是<<海滩男孩>>里的那种生活方式。

在戏里，广末凉子的爷爷在最后一集对两位男主角说：这是属于我的海洋，不是你们的。你们应该去寻找自己的海洋。而Beachboys 的经典句子就是“寻找自己的海洋”。可悲的是我至今都没有找到自己的海洋，或许新加坡真的不适合我吧？

我很喜欢大海的原因也是由Beachboys启发的。我没想到海洋原来可以反映那么多的人生观。我喜欢海洋给我带来的那种平静。想想，我也好久没到海边去了，好吧，就在这个星期的学校假期，选个晚上到那儿去走走，吹吹海风 =) 我很希望自己可以活得很好，我想我可能真的不适合商业社会的勾心斗角吧？想到一年后，我的职业，我就总是闷闷不乐。。。

我的海洋究竟在哪里？海洋或许可算是最能慰藉我受伤的内心的治疗，虽然我承认它治标不治本。海洋真的对我很重要，对我有深远的意义。希望从此以后，身边的朋友们也都会知道Beachboys 对我有何含意。=) <<海滩男孩>> 会永远存活在我心中。。。。

End of Entry

Shinhwa concert 2006 in Singapore

Time is 15 Sep 2006, Shinhwa concert was on 10 Sep, but now then i got time to do an entry. Actually still no time one, juz tt i decided to forgo study time to blog an entry. Well, if u can recall, in 2006, my last yr NTU, final yr Acc, i m v unhappy this yr. Things are not going well and they juz seem to get worse. Juz look at this entry, i willing to forgo time to study oso wanna blog, u can imagine how wilful & unhappy i m. Precisely its like, the work & other social factors make my life so mizerable, i already wanna F*** care alot of things liao, tt's y wilfully wanna blog instead of studying for AA306 & AA304. Nbz, got quiz next week i still so wilful. I think any reader can see tt my mood is damn bad liao =(

Okie, back to topic. Shinhwa's concert in Singapore. Yup, the first Korean Band/ Artist to hold a concert in Singapore. All i can say is: they are the longest running band still exsistent(nv disband yet) in the history of Kpop, and there is a reason for this. Cos they are all too talented. U put them together, u get a super combi which u can nv search for anywhere else. And yet, they are so talented, they can advance in their solo careers as well, but juz nv disband. So in team & individually, they all excel. Damn good. H.O.T is oso v good, maybe even better than Shinhwa, but pity they disbanded due to musical differences. Cos Kang Ta likes Jazz/ Bossa Nova genre more, Hee Jun likes Rock, and the Jae Won, Tony, Woo Hyuk still prefers Rap & Hip Hop. So it really ain't easy to keep a band united...

So the performances were great, but i think due to Fatigue, the performance was rather below par, at least compared to their concerts held in Korea. But still i wanna blog an entry cos i hope tt when i old tt time , still can remember when did i go for a Korean Concert. =)

The songs by them:
Perfect man, Hey Come on, Hero, Angel, I pray for u, Only one, Wild eyes, Once in a Lifetime, Brand New, Your Man, Shooting star, Ended the concert with :How do i Say

Some songs i forgot liao, so didnt manage to blog, but according to straits times, they sung 19 songs, which i lost count.... Actually wish to blog abt a critique of their performane, but i really realize tt i really not mood today. Thinking back, actually i have been in a low mood since my Uni days started...
Depression juz cannot leave me, and it juz ends up in a viscous cycle. The longer depression stays with me, the more my depression becomes. The more the magnitude, the longer it stays and everything juz repeats... I oso dunno why & how come i become lidat?

End of Entry

Taiwan Trip (Part 2)

Well, for part 2 of the entry, i simply wish to jot down where i went during the 6 day trip. Strictly speaking, its a 5 day trip lah, cos last day was nothing, i think juz queueing up for S.H.E qian chang hui, then went to this v nice restaurant called Coke Forest, ie. Coca Cola Forest lah, serving food equivalent to Swensen's or Breko etc.

So lets start from Day 1

After reaching Taipei and settling at the hotel, it was already night time. So we took there Kuai Tie (our MRT equi) to Shi Da Night Market. Had lots of food there, something worth mentioning is the Dessert there, yup the ice kachang kinda dessert. Fen Yuan Dou Hua (AKA Bubble Tea Pearls + Dou Hua) is something u gotta try, =) though i had even better deserts at i think Rao He Jie Night Market (siao liao, start to forget liao) better jot down everything b4 i suffer from STM.....

Day 2

Wah, shiong this day is damn shiong.... Went to Yang Ming Shan National Park. In the end becos we took a diff bus and landed on the other side of the hill, we went up from west to the sub-peak (note: is sub-peak hor, didnt even go to peak, cos too shiong) and came down from the east... End up like Chiong Sua, back to army days... Haha, was a great exp, but i think no more next time... hahaha.... really lah, the feeling like army, gotta water break, take rest etc. cannot one shot finish the whole trip... Shiong =p

Aft tt, we went Dan Shui & Yu ren Harbour, haha... That was where i got my most prized item in this whole trip... All my doraemon soft toys, not available in Singapore one... Hahaha, bought so many of them... Haha and now tt im back, i kinda regret didnt buy more.. Was afraid kanna scolded by parents 4 spending on these type of things, but in the end, Haha, they loved toys so much, they ask me why nv buy More? hahaha, so happy....
Oh then at Yu ren Harbour, it was v nice & romantic, too bad no girlfriend, if not it would have served a v meaningful memory. Went to the Lovers' bridge, scenery is so nice....

Lastly went over to Shi Lin Night Market... Wah piang, come to think of it, we so zai lor, one day go 4 places.... Hahaha... Shi Lin Night market was good, got so many shops and food, but we didnt haf enough time, so in end we went back there again on i think the 4th day... Haha

Day 3

Haha damn shiok, this was the best day/ best place i went this time... Went to Jiu Fen and Ji Long Miao Kou. Haha Jiu Fen was really fun & peaceful & calming... We went there walked ard, and most imptly, we went to Chinese Tea House, the tea, ambience, scenery was totally perfect. & i muz emphasize: The Yu Yuan (Yam Balls) Dessert is like so nice lor... Haha, thinking of it makes me hungry again =p
After a long day, we ended up at Ji Long Miao Kou... Wahaha, dun ask me what i had for dinner.. All i can say is tt its a sumptous meal much cheaper than in Singapore, but still its a little unappetitizing... =p

Day 4

Day 4 nothing special, was a shopping day. Went to the CKS Memorial Hall but aft tt it was all shopping. like i said, me & frenz went back to Shi Lin to shop, and we finally got to try the XL size Chicken Cutlet for only S$2.50. So damn cheap & nice.... Delicious Sia....

Day 5

We ended up at Wu Fen Pu & Rao He Jie Night Market... Wu Fen Pu is the Bugis Street of Singapore? The fashion sense there is quite zai, even if u dun buy anything (highly unlikely though) u really get to learn how to match ur clothes (if u dunno how to play mix & match), juz by looking at the shops' displays. Even for dancer like me, i get to learn how to design clothings for stage purposes, not only everyday dressing... This simply shows tt Taiwanese dress more elaborately than Singaporeans, the fashion there is much more interesting... =)
Rao He Jie Night Market, whats worth mentioning is again Dessert & one more Zai shop than our Singapore $1 shop.
Dessert serving is scary lor, i had Glass Jelly+Dou Hua+Yu Yuan. In the end, i think the auntie used half a cube of ICE for my bowl... Siao, damn big ah... Hahaha....
Oh then shop, pls lah, what is $1 shop man? There the shop is selling off all things such as bigs, wallets and other misc stuff like what u see in Singapore $1 shop for juz $10 NT which equates to S$0.50. Madness right? Me & frenz see liao oso stunned... =p

Okie written so much, i think readers oso sian, so i shall not indulge in my Taiwan trip thingy. Jotted all these down juz to remind myself where i went... Aft all the events i did, i can recall with the help of all those photos taken, so yup, tt's all... =)

Next entry i may then add my comments/feelings/thots/interesting events on taiwan trip =)

End of Entry

Taiwan Trip (part 1)

Time is 31 July 2006, i returned from taiwan yesterday, first trip overseas with frenz. Its oso my first trip to taiwan. Within the 6 day 5 night trip, its a rush hence we only limited our tour to Taipei, hence to be strictly specific, i only toured Taipei, but its really great.

For a bumpkin like me, who nv went for backpac tours b4, this was a good exp. I managed to see how things were like in Taiwan, how others live their lives, how that w/o luxury goods, a life could still be fulfiling. I think what i gained most from this trip is tt i now can view things in a more different way, and thereby live a more fulfiling life w/o too much unhappiness. Looking ard Taiwan, i realize tt life is simply L.I.F.E, Living Is Fruitful Enough, i came up with tt on my own. It doesn't sound stupid to me, becos cost of living and style of life is so diff in other countries, i got to realize & exp that life in Singapore is too complicated, a simple life may be interesting as well.... Thereby, Living Is Fruitful Enough, as long as there is life, then it is already a fruitful journey.

Life is such, i am really happy for this taiwan trip, cos i somehow get to understand and get over some things which i all along couldnt in the past. Of cos in the near future, i believe those dead knots in my life will keep recurring and make me think thru again & again, but i m sure, with this entry, it can remind me of what i saw in Taiwan, {the lifestyle, the culture etc}, so tt i will be more appreciative and satisfied with my life. =)

With tt, i end off this entry with special thanx to Teddy, Weiming & Huifang. Thanx for making this trip possible though it started out as a joke/ casual remark. =)

End of Part 1

Nice & True song

Well, readers, long time nv blog liao, this is the first time i m blogging ever since my PA ended.
Time has passed, these 10 weeks i oso dunno how i survive them. Back to my entries, i shall blog more often now.

Time is 20 July 2006, few days b4 i leaving for taiwan, abit moody recently, heard this song from the radio, found the lyrics v meaningful & true, most impt, its so real! For my colleague in Bensyl, Alex; he juz broke up with his gf, immediately after he returned from a Hongkong overseas trip. Its really a tragedy to me, go company holiday trip, come back girlfriend say break off..... =( Whats more the trip was only 4 days only, over the weekends only, and this type of things can happen....
Really sad for him =(

So i listen to this song, and i found it so true, so real, so nice...
Touching....
Why things so sian? Ppl ard me all got relationship problems recently =( Its so depressing to see everyone so sorrowful... Life seems like no meaning.....

Well Ppl, enough said, all i can say abt relationships is that: Do cherish whatever u haf at that point of time... Enjoy this song, the lyrics are below... A song by Lin JJ

歌曲：原来

词:张思尔 林秋离曲:林俊杰

街灯绊住我眼前
下一步
拉长的影子
嘲弄的回顾
电话亭仍留着你的话
一句话掉一滴泪
今晚的我会是如何入睡

原来最疼痛的表情竟是没有情绪
原来最残忍的画面可以甜言蜜语
我不懂得如何更爱你
影子讽刺地跟着我难分难离

原来最孤单的是我还是那么想你
原来最悲哀的是我不能面对自己
你收的干净
我也会不留一点痕迹

说故事也要像是真的
可是别触动那些回忆
今夜你说了最后一句
一句话掉一滴泪
看来今晚的我很难入睡

End of Entry

一个人生活 (Foreword)

A short essay has been produced =) This essay maybe not so well-done but becos i dun wanna repeat too much things tt haf already appeared in my previous essays, so yup, i omitted quite lots of stuff in this new essay. But the new thing abt this essay is the inclusion of the english words. Yup the words aren't meant to be read like a story, in fact, it should be read in the form of a Rap. Yes!! Rap.... Haha, didnt know i could oso come up with such stuff....=p

Dear readers, u all can try out the rap, but pls adjust ur Tempo, this is not the kind of rap u hear in hard-core hip hop songs. An adjustable tempo would be something like tt of Jay Chou's Fa Ru Xue, the part where the song abt to end, yup tt kind of a tempo... Another suitable tempo may be tt of Energy's Mou Nian Mou Yue Mou Yi Tian.

Dunno how the rap sounds to u ppl, but it seems okay to me lah, when i tried out a little, got rhythm lei, but anyway first try, so yup, do give a little comments, Thanks lots to all =)

End of Entry

一个人生活

凌晨时分，疲惫的身躯拖着沉重的脚步，一步步走向那熟悉的房子。一栋被开启的房子，飘逸着某人遗留下的香味。卸下沉重的包袱，我躺在沙发上，回想起那甜美的笑容，聆听着正在播放的演奏曲；Canon. 这首曲子依然继续播放着，我解开领带，脱掉长袖上衣。真可笑，我其实不适合穿长袖上衣、打领带，却还是选择了一份必须如此穿着的工作。人生想必就是如此无奈吧！就象不论思念有多深，在远方的某一个人亦不会感应到吧？

走进浴室，看到镜子里的我，我却认不出那就是我。热水的蒸气在镜子上凝结成水，随着地心吸引力往下流，在白茫茫的朦胧中，我仿佛见到那熟悉的身影。后知后觉，我知道那个人是不会出现的。没有她的日子，这间被开启的房子显得很空洞，我的生活亦失去了色彩。镜子里的那个人仿佛就像个折翼的堕落天使。。。

原来要从天堂坠落是这么一回事。在这孤寂的夜里，陪伴着我的只有那架点唱机。穿着白色衬衫，懒散地躺在沙发上，疲惫却毫无睡意。手里的那杯红酒还没喝完，音乐也还没停止。繁忙的工作只为了填满内心深处的孤寂，单独地活着，仿佛天地间再也没有任何事和我有关。思念能否飞越海洋？杯子被倒翻，杯里的红酒流了出来，渗透了白色衬衫，看起来就像是性命垂危的伤者，奄奄一息；就让我沉沦于深海，犹如堕落天使沉沦于地狱。。。

凌晨即将结束，曙光渐显时，又将会是忙碌的一天，而当我回到这间房子时，一切都会重复，直至她回来，而那时候到底。。。

Every night i stay up in the lonely night,
looking into the sky, wishing u were by my side.
Baby, will u please come back, my love.....

Where are u tonight? I really wish to hold u tight.
The days without you, i start to breakdown and cry....

Every night i've been living without a heart,
hoping that Heaven don't tear us apart,
Till the end of time, Loving you isn't a crime...

An entry Tribute to my fellow frenz

Time is June 06, time has passed lots, its been 3 yrs ever since Shin-13 ppl grad from NHSS. Time really pass damn fast huh, I can really look back to the time when we ppl worry for NHDS in SYF 05, then we were at WestCoast Park till 4 am discussing abt how NHDS shld proceed in the future.... Haha, now come to think of it, we were really so concerned... a bunch of NHSS grads staying up late on fri night aft dance prac, go makan, then go talk cock, in the end talk abt NHDS can talk till 4 am... haha, siao one....

Well, at least i say i m not as concerned for NHDS now, cos i find it rather hopeless, i feel i cant help much liao, I m too old 4 them, the task pass on the Weihong & gang go do ba...

Time flies, i cant do anything to stop it, all i can say is tt time makes human beings seem so small, so helpless, so insignificant...

Well, this entry is to u guys out there, who juz entered NS. now the bulk of u except the poly studs, haf entered NS, latest being Zhenyu who juz did so on Fri =) Well, the past 3 yrs its fun getting to know u all. Enjoy ur 2 yrs of break from all the academic studies' demand. enjoy life ba... Any probs feel free to come ask me abt it... =)

All the best to u frenz out there; Zhiyan, Zhenyu, Sam, Maorong.... Despite all the fatigue u all may encounter in NS, still hope tt some days we can meet for a decent dinner, not those hastily arranged ones... =)

Cheers!

End of entry

Tattoo 2 Foreword

Juz completed another essay.. I enjoyed the process alot.. Didnt know tt essays could be completed in such a way as well.. Dear readers, pls take a look at the 'new' essay Tattoo2. If u haf read the previous work(Tattoo), u shld realize something by now (similar yet different). Well, i really enjoyed the process cos i didnt know an essay can be completed in such a way like i did.

It was experimental, i dunno how my readers will react so friends pls feel free to comment, this idea flashed past my mind when i was on my way home alone on the bus. nothing to do so let my mind run wild, suddenly thot of trying an interesting experiment. =) It shows tt an essay doesn't haf to be written from top to bottom.

Well, the same issue applies, if u dun understand my essay, pls refer to the previous foreword (entry dtd 4th Apr) for the original work 'Tattoo'. Tt foreword mentions how this particualr essay may be read/ interpreted.

Haha, so happy, juz like as though i re-choreographed a dance, old yet new... Didnt know it can apply to writing essays as well... =)

End of foreword

刺青 (续集)

孤寂的夜晚，寒风不停地吹，我踏进冷清清的房子，卸下一天的疲惫。走进这看似熟悉却又陌生的客厅，在你最喜欢的沙发坐了下来。随着便播放了你最喜爱的那一首歌。房间里还摆放着你最喜欢的白玫瑰。过往那些零零碎碎的片段亦逐渐一一浮现在我眼前。。。

画面中的我们充满著甜蜜、洋溢着幸福。画面里有欢笑，有泪水，有快乐，有悲伤，有着我们的点点滴滴。无奈已经时过境迁，此景不再，假如这一切都能重演的话。。。

在路上行驶，景色迅速从眼前晃过，树叶簌簌飘落，你仿佛就坐在我身边。夜景那么迷人，既可以慰藉孤寂的心，却也令人更容易染上孤寂之感。我怀念那段你常依偎在我怀里的日子。。。

独自漫步在海滩上，阵阵海风迎面吹来。今夜的星空单调暗淡，与我的步伐不谋而合。走在沙滩上，只听见浪声频频。。。

对你的想念从来没间断，看着房子的每一个角落，都遗留着你的香味，你的残影。即使我再怎么努力，我都没法将你忘掉，为甚么？是否因为我们彼此之间的距离不会因时间的流逝而有所改变？我忘不了你。。。

此时孤影无人相依偎，没有乘客的巴士显得冷清，空调格外地冷。你不在身边，已无人挽着我的手。我身边的坐位空了，人影消失了。一排一排的街灯照亮着马路，却照亮不着我心中的旅途。路上没有行人也没有其他车辆，我仿佛处于一座孤城，在这个悲情城市里来来回回。。。

浪声频频，海风阵阵，不知你现在是否在颤抖 ？在这冰冷的夜晚，不停颤抖的你是否需要我在身旁？还记得当一切开始时，就是你让我心里泛起涟漪，像是海上那绵绵不断的浪涛。我一直想与你在海滩上漫步，因为海洋似乎能够洗涤心灵，希望面对着海洋时，你那疲惫不堪的身心能够得到平静。。。

在这繁忙拥挤的都市里，若我不小心遇见了你，我大概会笑着对你说，你好我很忙；但这一切其实都只是表面话而已。我真的没有把握，万一眼泪不自觉地流下，落在那早已凋谢的白玫瑰，万一泪珠在白玫瑰上凝结。。。

此时你是否也在某辆车上，单独地踏上归途？ 你身边的坐位是否也空着？在这漫长的路途中，你是否想起了从前？从前常坐在身旁的那个人？欲哭无泪，仍然心疼你。。。
在房子里徘徊，漫无目的徘徊着，一份莫名的悲伤在空中弥漫着，我也不知心中是何滋味？我只是清晰地感受到心中一阵阵的绞痛，这一份绞结似乎将心给绞碎了，一种麻麻而又酸酸的感觉，让我呼吸不顺畅，仿佛缺氧快要窒息。那遗留下来的香味，搁浅着的照片，未删除的简讯，都是一些忘不了的记忆。。。

繁忙的都市，庸庸碌碌的生活，淡如水的交情，面对着最熟悉的陌生人，你好我很忙。我真的没有把握，万一我真的恨你恨得说不出话，万一心仍在淌着血，血珠滴落在那早已凋谢的白玫瑰，染红那纯白的花瓣；心好痛。。。

在黑夜的这个旅程我不知道会在哪里下车，也不知终点在哪里。途中会否有人上车填满我身边的坐位，我亦不知晓。漫长的黑夜，毫无终止的车程，一排排的街灯陆续从身边晃过，显得越来越渺小；一切仍持续着，你已远去。。。

在厨房泡了一杯咖啡，记得怕苦的你总会加上许多的白糖。为什么我还记得？你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；无论我今后和谁在一起，都无法忘记你。我不怕离开你，只是不知离开你是否能使我忘了你？

早已远去的你，我已无法在这片情海里寻觅 。即使我再怎么用心，再怎么舍不得你，一切都已消失于情海之中；就让我沉溺于无边无际的深海里，沉溺于过去的记忆，沉溺于你的温柔，永远不再醒来，永远~~~~~~~~~~~

在这个都市，人来人往，所有人都与我擦肩而过。你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；即使我今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记你。看着你忧郁重重的双眼，心中的绞痛更是挥之不去。为何你离开了我却没有得到幸福？心疼你离去之后没有得到幸福，离去之后仍没找到理想的天堂。请你过得比我幸福好吗？日子一天一天地过去，眼泪一直不停地流，心痛的感觉依然持续不断。。。

在浴室里面对着镜子，我仿佛又看到了你的影子。你呢？是否也常透过玻璃窗看到我？我好怕，真的好害怕。你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；害怕纵使你今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记我。。。若能减轻你内心的痛，减轻那份麻麻而又酸酸的感觉，我情愿你失去这个刺青。

你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍、无法舍弃、无法装做不存在；即使我今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记你。。。
若你真的爱过我，不妨在夜阑人静的时候，看着窗外的绵绵细雨，偶尔想想我。。。

Thots aft viewing I NotStupid 2

Continued from part1, the next thing the movie over-simplifies is the fact tt living alone is diff from living together. What i mean is: it emphasizes so much on individuals, tt teenagers empthasize with e character in the movie as it is so 'real' a replication of themselves. Hence they may become so happy and involved in themselves, they neglect what is ard them. Many of the teenagers today cannot live in grps. Take NHDS for eg. so many of them dun come for practice simply becos they 'today no mood to dance' which is so inconsiderate. Cant they juz understand tt every absentee brings about so much implications for every1?

Next, they cant work with one another simply becos they bu shuang. Unable to put aside their differences, they fail to excel as a grp. Only work with ppl whom they like, or can click. This movie has the tendency (not absolute though) to make teenagers even more self-centred, as they now r more aware of their own situation/ status in the society. Every1 in the edu systm is commenting on: how to treat students better, how to make facilities better, make life better for them, less stressful etc. Well, i dun comment on whether tt is e correct direction we shld head towards, but undeniable fact is tt all our teenagaers will continue to live in their own world, and eventually may be unable to live in a grp which consists of many diff types of ppl.

In the army, workplace, clubs/ societies, there bound to be differences among ppl who r trying to accomplish a similar goal via their own methods. If teenagers are unable to put aside all those vitiating factors, they cannot work as a grp. The above sentence esp applies to the current NHDS and i believe the future NHDS as well.... =(

Okie, enough of all these... Lastly i wish to end by saying tt, hopefully i brought out another viewpt to all audiences of INS2 so tt every1 does not get swayed by the movie which is in a certain way, too commercialized with "ulterior" motives. Well, though i studied theatre & cinema studies in Uni, i dun wish to bore all readers with the technical stuff. Next time when i more free, maybe i will post another entry simply on technical stuff =)

Meanwhile, pls feel free to continue comment on my entry. wanna blast me down oso can...
Lets haf an active discussion =)

End of part 2

Thots aft viewing I NotStupid 2

Juz watched INS2 directed byJack Neo. As claimed by the media, it is a touching movie. Well, but to me, its not tt a good movie aft all... I m not criticising the movie, but my opinion of the movie is tt it is over-simplified, neglects many factors, over-emphasizes on unnecessary things and even exploits the human softness for e so-called pitiful ppl. Dun believe? juz read on...

The show touches many hearts on the part tt many teenagers feel they do not get their parents' understanding, and the part on teachers looking down on students wif poor grades. Therefore teenagers end up being lonely etc. DO u all start to see that the movie is directed in such a way, it makes u, the audience, start to empthaize with the teenagers? This is what i mean by exploiting the audience's hearts. A similar eg would be the showcase of Patients' life during NKF charity shows. Those video clips touch our hearts, but eventually it is disappointing to know tt our $$ went to unnecessary things like the Golden Tap.

Dear readers, pls take a neutral look at INS2 again. U will realize many of the things tt r portraited in the movie are over-simplified, over-emphasized. For instance, INS2 talk so much abt parents working and neglecting children. well, look on the other side of the coin. Teenagers nowadays have so much luxury goods tt they become a necessity. They have iPods, New Hp every now & then, New bags, new clothes. And mind u, all these r bought within a time period of few weeks...(not like CNY need to buy new clothes etc) If parents dun work till mad, how to afford all these luxury goods? Dun believe me? Go Visit blogs of many sec sch kids and take a look at their wishlist/ blog entries. U realize they go shopping almost every week (not window shopping hor). They exclaim that they juz bought how many new tops or bags again. So now, tell me, is it parents' fault?

Hello, close frenz ard me know tt i recently then buy mp3 player, & i still using Discman. All these luxury goods were bought using my own $$. so there is a diff. And i dun deny the fact, tt got ppl even poor till discman oso cannot buy. Yup, so what r those kids in INS2 complaining abt? Haf they ever think in the shoes of their parents?

U may be thinking tt I m speaking too much on behalf of parents, Yes i am, becos the movie is too skewed towards the teenagers, i m bringing in another viewpt to hope tt audience dun get swayed in your views regarding the truth in our teenagers today. The movie overemphasizes too much liao.

Next, over-simplification of facts. In the movie, u see so much of public canning issue, the dialogues of the movie all stand in the side of teenagers. Well, let me tell u some of the events i seen in sec sch nowadays. Not ABSOLUTE tt those canned will live with shame. Nowadays, i DUNNO the word 'shame' has how much weightage in teenagers' hearts. Frenz ard me, esp NH dancers, do u agree with me tt how come recently 2 yrs NH dancers AS IF frequently get canned publicly in sch? NHDS kanna whacked by almost all teachers in NHSS for discipline issues? Why? Arent they sad/ ashamed tt NHDS 's reputation is going down the drain? Not ashamed tt a dancer no longer has standing status in NHSS? Yet they can still continue their nonsense. Is the society not giving them 2nd chance? Is it the sch's fault? well, no abosolute ans, think again, and of cos, watch INS2 again...

By now, u may haf realized tt there r many issues tt r hanging with no abosolute ans. I trying to balance the whole issue cos INS2 is too one-sided.. why not think again? So many ppl see liao say they r touched, adults interviewed say they will reflect on their own actions, while teenagers interviewed simply expressed their happiness tt some1 is finally speaking up 4 them.. Then who will speak up for the adults? (ie. Teachers, parents, etc) Pls lah, forget all ur Fila/ Adidas Bags, Clothes, iPods, Laptops etc lah b4 u try to play down ur parents again.... =(

I wish to write alot more but this entry is getting long so may be i continue as a separate entry another day....
Dear frenz, pls leave ur comments, i appreciate a discussion on this =)

End of part 1

MY inner thots regarding NHDS '06 batch

Time is May 1 '06, read lots of entries in the Nhds blog regarding their speech day perf and all the issues that happened. Got lots of thots, actually wanted to post an entry there one, but decided to update my own blog instead... =(

Its damn siao lor... Well, anyway i v sian abt what is happening in nhds liao. actually oso v sian abt things in DI, all the dancers tt go there no longer haf passion abt dancing liao... dunno they go there for what, in the end go there piss mr low off only, make him more disappointed as the days pass by...

Jeffrey jio me choreograph a dance together, so well, i dunno how many ppl interested to join us but i extend the invitation here, anyone interested can just declare.. =)

So why did i bring in Jeffrey? simple, cos the issue here is its so freaking difficult to find ppl who r of the same interests as u.. Recently heard from Sam and zhenyu, ppl from the shin-13 oso not as close liao, its v saddening to hear all these.. take a look at those Superband contestants, i m so envy of them, not envy of their skills or what, but their ability to manage to find ppl who r as enthu as them... U see in NTU, DI, or even NHDS, how to find ppl who r as enthu (not necessary in dance but in things like wilingness to attend outings etc) as u?

The issue here is v sian cos nhds ppl dun cherish their abundant choice in sch... In such a big society, u can find ppl of similar interests more easily than in other places. (assuming citeris paribus) They got such a big grp, if they can act together, they can be a formidable opponent in SYF 07. Like what so many ppl commented b4, i oso say again, NHDS is really collapsing, damn demoralising.. The place i grew up in was not like this, and ain't supposed to like this anyway, ( since the instructor didnt change). His methods of teaching/educating students into dancers is still the same...

Dancing isnt supposed to be lidat... Its supposed to be something which u put ur heart into by rehearsing, pracising over & over again, showcase whatever talent/ creativity u haf, try to connect to ur audience and touch their hearts... tt is really how i think it should be... If dun achieve any of the points mentioned above, then might as well dun perform? Go dance at home in bathroom lah, or go disco pubs dance can attract attention somemore.. =( Dancing in a grp can really foster good friendships one, why cant nhds ppl buy that point? Dancing solo has a diff connotation, so it doesnt apply in this case.

Argh.... Sianz.. Siao liao, dun feel like writing anymore, oso dunno what i writing... =(

Tattoo - Foreword

Juz completed an essay.. started doing it this afternoon. This essay is titled Tattoo. I like this title v much. Y tattoo? is it becos tattoo is something tt is originally not part of us but suddenly gels into our lives juz like ppl special in our lives? Ppl originally did not know each other, but becos of fate or destiny, they get to meet and get along, eventually gel into each other's lives and become an integral part of it... Rings a bell? does tt apply to u as well?

Dear readers, feel free to comment on this essay. This essay is extremely diff in nature as compared to my previous works, so readers may find it hard to understand what i writing if u read it the conventional way. For readers who r not used to reading/ interpreting abstract art, i offer a little guidance as to how u can read my essay if u EAGER to know what the hell i m toking abt... Juz take note of the alternate paragraphs, breakdown them alternately to read what is going on, and piece them back together later. U will then understand it..

For other readers interested in watching a movie/film instead, read my essay in terms of Camera Cuts. Take every paragraph as a camera cut and shift of scene, then u will be able to link the story urself... =)

but of course, whichever approach u take in interpreting my story, u will still realize tt much is left unsaid. well, tt is for u to fill it in becos by filling in ur own story into the skeleton i haf set up, u may be able to feel more for this essay... =)

so, enjoy reading, and pls leave ur comments, thank u

End of entry

It rained today........

刺青

孤寂的夜晚，寒风不停地吹，我踏进冷清清的房子，卸下一天的疲惫。走进这看似熟悉却又陌生的客厅，在你最喜欢的沙发坐了下来。随着便播放了你最喜爱的那一首歌。房间里还摆放着你最喜欢的白玫瑰。过往那些零零碎碎的片段亦逐渐一一浮现在我眼前。。。

画面中的我们充满著甜蜜、洋溢着幸福。画面里有欢笑，有泪水，有快乐，有悲伤，有着我们的点点滴滴。无奈已经时过境迁，此景不再，假如这一切都能重演的话。。。

对你的想念从来没间断，看着房子的每一个角落，都遗留着你的香味，你的残影。即使我再怎么努力，我都没法将你忘掉，为甚么？是否因为我们彼此之间的距离不会因时间的流逝而有所改变？我忘不了你。。。

在这繁忙拥挤的都市里，若我不小心遇见了你，我大概会笑着对你说，你好我很忙；但这一切其实都只是表面话而已。我真的没有把握，万一眼泪不自觉地流下，落在那早已凋谢的白玫瑰，万一泪珠在白玫瑰上凝结。。。

在房子里徘徊，漫无目的徘徊着，一份莫名的悲伤在空中弥漫着，我也不知心中是何滋味？我只是清晰地感受到心中一阵阵的绞痛，这一份绞结似乎将心给绞碎了，一种麻麻而又酸酸的感觉，让我呼吸不顺畅，仿佛缺氧快要窒息。那遗留下来的香味，搁浅着的照片，未删除的简讯，都是一些忘不了的记忆。。。

繁忙的都市，庸庸碌碌的生活，淡如水的交情，我很忙。我真的没有把握，万一我真的恨你恨得说不出话，万一心仍在淌着血，血珠滴落在那早已凋谢的白玫瑰，染红那纯白的花瓣；心好痛。。。

在厨房泡了一杯咖啡，记得怕苦的你总会加上许多的白糖。为什么我还记得？你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；无论我今后和谁在一起，都无法忘记你。我不怕离开你，只是不知离开你是否能使我忘了你？

在这个都市，人来人往，所有人都与我擦肩而过。你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；即使我今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记你。看着你忧郁重重的双眼，心中的绞痛更是挥之不去。为何你离开了我却没有得到幸福？心疼你离去之后没有得到幸福，离去之后仍没找到理想的天堂。请你过得比我幸福好吗？日子一天一天地过去，眼泪一直不停地流，心痛的感觉依然持续不断。。。

在浴室里面对着镜子，我仿佛又看到了你的影子。你呢？是否也常透过玻璃窗看到我？我好怕，真的好害怕。你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍；害怕纵使你今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记我。。。若能减轻你内心的痛，减轻那份麻麻而又酸酸的感觉，我情愿你失去这个刺青。

你犹如刺青，像我的另一半，无法割舍、无法舍弃、无法装做不存在；即使我今后和别人在一起，都无法忘记你。。。
若你真的爱过我，不妨在夜阑人静的时候，看着窗外的绵绵细雨，偶尔想想我。。。

Read lots of blogs from other sources
How come dancing become like tt?

Time is 12 Mar '06, I supposed to be doing tutorials & rushing proj but i end up blogging... Maybe becos too stressed, so found ways to de-stress a little... As usual visit all the blogs which i can find...

Read interesting things or rather, NOT so interesting things abt dance.. From many ppl's blogs, i gather info/ feedback tt they v happy to participate in Dance in Unity 2006 AKA He Wu Gong Ming. Well, on one hand, the entries expressed their self-proclaimed passion and interest for dance, on the other hand, they mentioned tt they didnt enjoy it due to the politics involved in DI. Maybe they r referring to me, maybe to others, i dunno. But i really think its kinda ironic; If u all proclaim to be passionate in dance, den it shouldnt hurt to practise ur dance steps, turn up for practices punctually, listen to instructions to help make the completion of tasks more efficient... If all these were done willingly & automatically with initiatives, there wont be any unhappiness.. By right, u dun need any supervisor eg. like me to go ard telling u to prac ur steps, it shouldnt be e case where dancers come to DI den juz sit/sleep ard, chit chat w/o any contribution at all... Mind you, u r preparing for a perf..

Dancing is a simple thing, why complicate it? I reckon tt ppl spread malicious remarks abt those who give out instructions. Pls lah, dun be childish, every1 can help in DI as long as u want. nobody is bringing in any politics. If u simply yearn to be the person giving out instructions, volunteer to be leader for the perf lah, aft all DI appoints leaders on event basis. If u dun wish to help, then be kind to those who volunteer to help, stop spreading malicious remarks abt them. It's on ur part tt u dun wish to cooperate, dun malign others to be guilty of bringing in politics into DI. Wah kau, anyone unhappy can simply go verify with Mr Low, c what kind of comments he give u? ask him DI gt politics or not? Bottomline, if u dislike the situation in DI so much, why come?

Maybe i m old, i seriously wonder what kind of thots students nowadays haf? Nowadays, volunteering to help becomes equivalent to 'trying to act big' or 'Playing politics again'. Sigh, all these comments are so childish =( if u unhappy wif the instructions, challenge him lah, then discuss and decide on a way to complete the task most efficiently...
This is the case in NHDS now lor. Nobody volunteers to do anything becos of e malicious remarks tt may surface, therefore nothing gets done. Everyone withdraws from completing tasks, everything is in a mess. Those holding leadership posts do nothing, the rest dun volunteer to assist for fear of losing friends.... What kind of friendship exists nowdays? The moment u step up as the exco committee, u lose friends... WTH? those also called friends meh?

Tired of writing... Got lots more to say but damn sianz liao.... DI lidat, NHDS oso lidat...

Stop

NYJC Drama Perf 我们的白云岗 06

Well, time is 5 Mar Midnight, i juz returned from NYJC. Went there to watch their drama concert called 我们的白云岗, the equivalent of SAJC's 阳光幼苗, which is actually plays put up by students from their sch's respective Chinese societies. Its a yearly event in their sch and apparently Yiting is in NYJC involved in this production, so she asked me, den i say okie lor, aft all the tickets $8 only.

I went there and watched the 2 plays put up. Sorry to all readers, if u r not interested in Theatre & Drama, u will find the following content v boring cos i m going to critique and analyze the NYJC works. So if its not ur interests, u may stop reading, sorry abt it... =)
Cos its my interests to critique plays/dances/movies etc whenever i finish watching a perf.
N/B: Is critique & analyze, NOT criticise, its diff, pls get this clear...

There r two plays: 很狠爱、身边
The 1st play is relatively poor and has commited some common mistakes in Drama. Becos 1st one was not so good, the 2nd one aft the intermission, lifted the audiences' moods, and i felt my $4 well-spent aft watching the 2nd play. =)

A common mistake tt all school plays commit is tt students tend to revolve ONLY ard family, studies & BGR issues, having watched so many plays in my life, i felt a little bored... Honestly, tt was my personal opinion but sch plays always like tt.. Take note of my point the next time U step into a school drama perf & u will really notice it. Next, they r always staging plays of the Naturalistic Theatre aka Theatre of Realism (these r technical terms). This is so even in NTU & NUS. =( I dun expect students in sch to stage Avant-Garde plays but at least can try some alternatives like Poor Theatre/ Forum Theatre/ Absurd Theatre? Esp genres like Poor and Forum are v popular in Singapore now, why dun students try? Why dun teachers encourage as well? Juz try, aft all, theatre is a place for creativity. Cut off the Naturalistic Theatre, i mean every sch is putting up the same type of theatres, dun u wanna differentiate urself?

Next, the pitfall of Naturalistic Theatre. If u wish to put up a play of Naturalistic genre, Get the fundamentals and critical success factors (CSF) right. A play of such genre requires CSFs such as an FULLY-dveloped plot, well-written sentences with high literature value. Well, sad to say but the 1st play didn't get these factors. It's plot was half-developed and left audiences guessing to the extent tt they didnt even know the play ended... The dialogue was not impressive. It was too verbal with little/ no literature value.

Yes, it can be argued tt the playwirght wanted audience to haf freedom in their interpretation hence deliberately didnt want to develop the plot. But tt is where the pitfall is: U r not staging Avant Garde theatres, u haf to take care of the CSFs if u want to stage such a play genre. Develop the dialogues, dun leave audience guessing.. U can reveal e plot via a more subtle way but no guessing... For this pt, 2nd play did better than 1st play. There were so many audiences who were thrown off the 1st play tt they starting talking among themselves. (a rude thing to do during perf anyway, not respecting e performers at all)
The lessons here: Be sure what genre u are staging, what u wish to achieve out of this perf.
CSFs are CSFs, they cannot be ignored. Eg. if u r staging Poor Theatre, ensure tt ur actors r well-trained in movement and body expressions, cos Movement is the CSF of PT.

Next pitfall of both plays, there is too much scene cuts. House lights switch off/on too frequently, bringing too much disruptions to the advance of the plays. Each lightout is approx 20sec which is actually v long for a lightout. On top of tt, these lightouts are not due to the exchange of props/ change of costumes. Which means the lightouts can be done away with. (Esp more so if it was just to signify a change from Act1 to Act2) In Naturalistic Theatre, lightouts are minimal as they r considered disruptive.

Lastly one of the fatal pitfalls, Actors' usage of stage space is too limited and constraint. The decor of the stage occupied half the stage, and actors only act in e other half, didn't effectively explore the space on stage. For this pt, 2nd play did better than 1st play.
eg. Forestage Left is home, centre back is sch, forestage right is home dining table. Thereby when the actor leaves home from the left, he walks to centre back to attend sch, comes back home and walks to forestage Right to haf dinner. There is more utilization of space.

The lesson here: Actors dun juz act in the frontal stage, realize tt the entire stage is a 3-D space for u to explore. The tools for an Actor in Drama & Theatre is his body, his voice, his senses, his stage. Make full use of the stage.

Overall it was a commendable effort but can be improved. Sch plays usually make these similar mistakes so its not exclusive to NYJC only. I sincerely hope to see more theatres of other genres put up during sch performances......

Wah piang this entry took me 2 hrs =p

End of Entry

It's been raining since u left me

终于完成了这个作品！虽然作品出来了，但过程实在痛苦，特别是这部作品。这部作品依旧让所有读者自己诠释以及解读，但我特别想要提到的是为什么会有这部作品。为何过程又如此痛苦？读者们绝对有自由诠释我到底要表达什么，不过为了以后让我自己回想起这部作品的灵感，请容许我将作品来源写出来。

这部作品我要表达的是“既悲且无力”。其灵感来自我现在的生活。现实社会的资本主义、现实主义、金钱衡量成就的系统让我透不过气。在无可奈何、垂死挣扎、无助的痛苦情形下，这部作品有了主题，但仍未成形。之后，我觉得长篇大论地讨论人生大道理过于俗气，因此为作品抹上一层糖衣，将其布置成一个爱情故事/ 音乐录影。若读者们仔细揣摩，能够发现作品的各种比喻可以与现实生活挂钩。

但此话到此为止，因为我认为将我呕心沥血的文学作品与现实生活挂钩其实是一件非常没有美感的事。若不是被逼至临界点，我不愿这么做；实在有欠美感，甚至玷污了我自己。=(

我还是欢迎且恳请各位以自己的角度去观赏这部作品，也欢迎你们留下观后感。

It's been raining since u left me

天空一片白茫茫，寒气透骨的风阵阵吹过，一滴雨水从天而落，滴落在我身上，随着手臂缓缓流下，这时一股冰冷彻骨的感觉随即涌上心头，流遍全身。。。心灵深处的创伤隐隐作痛，我缓缓而行，在这永无止境的路上走着、走着、走着。。。

感觉到有什么东西一直在折腾我，却仿佛什么也没有。空荡荡的躯壳一路走着，意识中所有美好的回忆渐渐地随着雨滴从我的身上流逝，残留下来的只有那没有灵魂的躯壳和这无法复元的伤。冰冷的雨倾盆而下，淋湿了我的身躯，似乎试图将那些快乐与悲伤的日子尽数洗去。视觉的记忆最容易被遗忘，记忆中的画面将会随着时间的蹉跎而变得模糊不清。从今而起，我或许再也没有机会倾听你的声音，聆听你的心事。。。

我不愿记忆离我而去，不愿失去所有与你有关的一切！！！I don't wanna lose you now! 那熟悉的味道，那柔情似水的双眼，那双温柔、柔软如绵的巧手，都将逐渐从脑海中褪去，我不愿如此，无奈记忆却对我无情。心伤，心碎，即使心恨，都无可奈何，只因我无力挣扎于现实中。现实的洪流就像这场大雨，无情地捶打着我，无论我怎么挣扎，都无法躲避被袭卷的命运。。。

早已疲惫不堪的身躯，在雨中飘荡，我的心在淌着血。血红的心仿佛在燃烧着，一直燃烧，直至它变成黯然的死灰色；仿佛火焰已燃烧殆尽。心，依然还在跳动，眼睛依然可看到七彩彩虹，鼻子依然可嗅到白玫瑰的花香，耳边依然可听到连绵不断的雨滴声，但生命已无声无息地终结了。失去原动力，在人海茫茫的都市里荡漾着，犹如白云在这白茫茫的天空中漫无目的地飘着。。。

白茫茫的天空看起来朦朦胧胧，仿佛前头已无路，雨仍然下着。时间会随着雨水一起流逝，一切都会焕然一新，每样事物都会演奏起新的生命之曲，死亡的旋律也逐渐会被遗忘。当忘却的旋律不再响起，当雨水不再倾盆而下，当辽阔的天空划上了七彩彩虹，当生命旅途翻开了一个新的篇章，我的心却还。。。。。。

'Cursive' by Cloud Gate Dance Theatre Part II

I believe there is really much more to learn about Dance & Performance. The interesting thing in the sharing session with Mr Lin is tt i get to see the ugly side of Singaporeans. Tt day's audience are ppl largely from the Dance arena, Education arena & Drama arena. Many Singaporeans perhaps wish to display their sophistication as arts consumers, so during the session, instead of Q&A, many ended up giving their comments & critics on Cursive.

Hey, this is extremely shameful, esp when the comments turned out to be very superficial. One of those Eg. "Mr Lin, I feel tt Cursive is a good perf but i find the black costumes too plain, I think U SHOULD add some colors to ur costumes." Wah pls leh, the idea came from the Dance Choreographer himself, he definitely has his reasons for designing his costumes in black only. Ever seen Chinese Caligraphy in colored ink? Pls lah, understand the intentions behind the dance piece b4 u comment. Next, even though dance is open to interpretation, pls phrase ur questions/comments in a better way, Its rude to dictate the Choreographer what he SHOULD/ SHOULD NOT do...

Another eg. "I think this production is very similar to Water Moon, haf u reached a bottleneck in ur Ling Gan? I haf watched many perf by Cloud Gate, i realize e dance pieces r getting more & more similar." Wah piang, pls be more courteous can? Every single production is unique, even if u think its similar, dun shoot it straight to the Choreographer lah, so rude, act as if u very sophisticated. Music diff, costume diff, dance theme diff, everything oso diff, Even if movements a little similar, Internal Feelings of the dancers may be diff as well, How can u juz judge on the surface? Wah piang, e shameful issue is the attitude of trying to act 'sophisticated' but end up giving superficial comments.... =(

Sigh, Singaporeans huh.... =(

'Cursive' by Cloud Gate Dance Theatre Part I

Time is 3rd Feb, finished watching the perf 'Cursive' by Cloud Gate Dance Theatre at Esplanade. Learnt alot from this performance, shall not dwell on the dance piece, in fact shall blog down some interesting Comments by Mr Lin Huai-Min so as for my future references.

Comments:
1) I didn't come up with any idea for Cursive, everything is open to interpretation by audience"
2) Dance is open to any form of interpretation. There is no Ling Gan to start off with, It started with Adhoc techniques, after which we refine the movements into dance steps"
3) I choreograph simply becos I need a platform for my dancers to perform. The end result of the perf is not impt, the process of choreographing is where the joy lies."
4) Dunno what lies in the future for Cloud Gate, just proceed with every single day; the joy & passion is in uncovering something new & unknown everyday"
5) Evolution is a process tt a dance piece will go thru, thus the existence of the trilogy Cursive, CursiveII & Wild Cursive"

Many much more comments made by him, but these few are the ones i wish to record down. Link point 5) with 3), therefore, should understand tt there is no perfect dance piece in this world. Every single piece of dance goes thru evolution, thereby the process should be more enjoyable than the end product becos the end product will simply evolve into another product. The process is where the growing exists.

What is mentioned by Mr Lin is actually v similar to what was taught by Jeff Tan. Performing, is/should be open to interpretation. Process > End Product, Learn to respect & appreciate products put up by others, crucial point is whether the idea is solid & actualized, performers got perf with their heart & soul.

Interests/Passion Vs. Occupation

Haha, nothing to do now in sch. Wah piang wait for 6 hrs of break leh.. Can u imagine it? In the end i end up doing lots of quizs from quizfarm.com. Got this website from wei hong's blog. Ended up doing many of them but eventually chose 3 to publish in my blog.. =)

V happy with the quiz on Which is ur Perfect Major. As mentioned by wei hong in his blog, its easy to score dance as ur major as long as u answer Strongly agree to all those qtn regarding body movements. But what i m happy abt is not tt i scored dance for my Major. Nope, take a look at my other 'scorings'. The thing i m happy abt is tt i scored ties for 4 subjects, namely Dance, Theatre, Journalism, Psychology. Eventually when u score ties, the quiz will ask u one final qtn as a tie breaker. Of course, i chose the option which i know relates to dance. Hence, in a certain way, one may argue tt i mainipulated my own results. But tt is not e issue i m concerned with. The happy thing abt this quiz is tt I m now convinced tt I haf other career options in life. =)

FYI, Frenz reading this entry, I m going to be on Attachment to companies doing Accounting work soon. After a yr plus, I will be graduating and may be stuck with Acc work once & for all. Thus, it's really comforting to know tt actually there r other options in life. (Some readers by now may think tt i m childish juz basing my thots on an online quiz) Well, someday, u all may understand the tragedy when interests do not align with occupation.

At least aft i haf done this quiz, I am VERY SURE tt my interests lies in where I thot it would be. Which means I m not avoiding Acc juz becos my grades r poor, & tt I like those subjects mentioned above not becos I do well in them, but simply becos I haf a TRUE PASSION for them. Eg. I not doing any journalism at all in Uni, but I simply love writing essays & blogging entries. The happy thing I can say to myself is tt I m glad I HAF BEEN TRUE TO MYSELF all along; I didnt blame my poor grades on any external factors, I always know what i m doing, I go DI or NHDS not becos I didnt wanna study or act 'big boss' etc.

I did all i did simply becos I have interests & passion in what i chose to do.
Sometimes as we grow up, we might tend to lie to ourselves SUB-CONSCIOUSLY maybe to cover up for our failure, save our own ego etc. I m happy today becos I confirmed tt I didnt lie to myself or escape from reality sub-consciously... The feeling is juz so true & real. =)

Attachment coming soon, will last for 10 weeks from May to July, I still dunno whether I can get thru job interviews and in addition, deliver good results on-the-job or not... All attachment programs all seem so hard to me... =( I feel helpless in this kind of situations cos like in this quiz, I once again confirmed tt actually i dun belong to the Corporate Business Industry, I m not those 'everyday in Shenton Way CBD area trying to make more $$' kind of ppl.

Accountancy.........

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You scored as Dance. You should be a Dance major! Like a lithe ballerina, you dance because you believe there is beauty in expressing the physical form. Dance 100% Theater 100% Journalism 100% Psychology 100% Sociology 83% Philosophy 83% Engineering 75% Art 75% English 75% Mathematics 75% Anthropology 67% Linguistics 67% Biology 42% Chemistry 33% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Mermaid. Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid. Mermaid 92% Angel 67% Faerie 67% Dragon 59% Demon 50% WereWolf 42% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

What ancient breed are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Wolf. you are a wolf, the second oldest but the strongest of all ancient breeds. your quick to anger but otherwise very frindly. you would do anything for your family and friends. Wolf 92% Vampyre 92% Elf 83% Drow 83% Sorceress 75% Faerie 67% Dragon 50% Shadow Spirit 50% Godess 50% Zombie 33% What ancient breed are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Reasons to keep me ongoing in teaching DANCE

Time is Jan 2006, a yr has past since 2005, (a yr i taught at Tanglin SS), as of today I can declare tt i think i haf done a great job last yr..
Becos of commitments this yr, I can only teach on Tues & Fri at Tanglin, & becos of school politics which now involve dance instructors from other dance companies, the situation has worsened & become more complicated...

Life is not a bed of roses, yup politics exist everywhere BUT sub-consciously i once wished tt politics will not be existent in e Arena of Arts cos Arts is supposed to be driven by passion & not profit since Arts all along is NOP organisations. But of course in reality, politics still exist everywhere lah.. So the issue goes where dance instructors from other dance companies enter Tanglin SS & wish to divide the pie into more pieces, reducing DI's share into a smaller one. (Cos Mr Low not interested in these kind of political struggles, so we juz made do with the current situation lor..)

These type of reasons reminded me of what Jeff Tan said in his lectures (Dun do arts lah, be a arts consumer instead of a arts creator, Arts creators are manupilated by $$ one... Give ppl use $ to pressurize one...) So yup, actually wat Jeff said is correct, Life not a bed of roses. Arts oso have its dark side, juz like every other thing else in this world... So readers, those who wish to Do Dance as a occupation, be ready to face these ugly situations, & oso haf to be cool with it... =)

But, amidst all these unhappy & ugly things tt happen, i realize tt there is something tt give me motivation to go on (juz like what gives Jeff motivation in carrying on what he is doing, is he manage to *unplug* some students every semester.) is tt I managed to intro some students to the Dance Arena & make them haf interest in Dance.

This yr i m taking 2T1, 2N2 & 1E2. Apparently all quite rebellious classes. The motivation i haf is my last yr class 1E3 (now 2E3) now misses me so much, tt they acknowledge i m good teacher & wishes me to go back teach them on Wed.. Haha, unfortunately my class is Tues & Fri. The issue is not tt i haf a BIG ego tt my students muz say i m good. Nope, its the appreciation they show =) Once there is appreciation, at least i know someday in life, there r ppl in life whom r influenced by me in their lifetime.. This is min. sufficient for me as a motivtion to carry on in DANCE... =) Anything more than this i would jolly welcome but yup i treat it a Bonus.. They wish me to go back teach them & oso indicated tt they felt the other instructors from the other companies CMI, Haha.... Tt's y i say lah... No pt Involve in so many politics cos in e end students r still the best indicator of whether i can teach or not...

Sub-ending

*unplug*
This is a v interesting event done by Jeff Tan. What it means is thru lectures & tutorials, he managed to teach Theatre studies & release our creativity + the way we look at issues/ productions. Thru his unplug process, u will look at issues (debate issues, relationships, human behaviour, politics etc) / productions(whether dance, drama, movies etc) in a new & revolutionary way which u would nv haf thot of in life...
Yes, is nv thot of b4... Hence the term *unplug* cos the analogy he used when conducting his lectures is tt he is Neo in Matrix & his job is to unplug students from their *fixed train of thought* & unleash our creativity as well as look at things from a v diff perspective, which hence as if gives them a new life... =) Though ideally is hope to unplug all students but usually he only managed to 'save' some every semester, BUT its already enough to keep him moving on... Yup, so M I... =)

End of Entry

2006- events during Dec holidays

Well, here to record some events i enjoyed during the Dec holidays.. Basically this holiday is The one i enjoyed most for the past 3 yrs maybe?? Ever since NS? Lets start.. Firstly, there is Zhenyu's b-day celebration at Downtown East chalet. Well, i shall not elaborate much on this event cos there was an entry on this earlier. (interested parties kindly refer to earlier entries)

Next, I gained more exp in Dance instructing as i went over to Ai Tong Pri Sch at Bishan to teach for 5 days. Choreographed a SYF dance for them, introduced by Mr Low one... Next, went on to a dance company called 'Dance on Us' to teach Wushu. Then this was the one i kanna 'complained' to Mr Low, they said tt i wasnt strict enough as a instructor, wasnt able to control the little kids aged 5 to 13. Well, readers if u all know me as a dancer, i guess u all might be laughing at this 'complain' now huh?? Well, i do not wish to touch on this issue anymore cos it was an unpleasant exp anyway..

Den move on to 31 Dec, i spent the night over at Zhenyu's house, Haha i ended up reading comic books (belonging to my era, Dragon-Ball) & i enjoyed them so much tt i laughed at all those comical jokes... Michelle, on the other hand, was so surprised tt Dragon-Ball so funny meh? How come Zhongyi siao one, can laugh till like tt? She gave me a kind of 'u siao ah? or u loser leh' look... Hehe.. But its alright, i explained to her tt when u r in the adult world for too long, kiddish stuff such as comical jokes can actually brighten up my day.... It's the cute cute jokes tt really brighten up my day, make me feel better as an adult...

Now move on to today; 7 Jan 2006 NHSS CCA Extravagenza
Well, NHDS ppl managed to pull it off. I personally give credit to the exco & Wei Hong for making it a success.. NHDS managed to 'pull customers' from other CCAs, well, i believe many students are interested in Dance now as the 'marketing strategy' was a success... Si Aun, Shi Bin can make good salesperson sia... Good public speaking.. Okie, not so bad, my efforts to go there early are not wasted... =)

Okie so far for now, a simple entry to record how i spend my Dec holidays in 2005. To me, its rather eventful, many things happened....

End of Entry