Monday, December 26, 2005

My 8th Essay in 2005

Wah, shiok, v comfortable aft writing this essay, this one it took me abt 2 days in all. I started abt 3 or 4 days ago but slack ah, so strictly speaking only abt 2 days work.. Readers pls enjoy and as usual, post ur comments or even send me an email..

Next, i shall move on to the origins of my Ling Gan for this essay.. This essay is really shiok. Normal readers who wish to look out for a storyline, i m sorry u will be v disappointed. Cos my Ling Gan came from so many corners, it cant be formed into a story & i intentionally didnt wanna include a storyline, which i'll explain later why.

Origin 1: Sam's Blog song - Jay Chou's Feng (I went to check up on this song cos i liked the music melody from Sam's blog, didnt know it was a song, till some1 told me, i went to listen & check up the lyrics & wah piang, its damn nice)

Origin 2: Juncheng's Blog Wallpaper abt Sin & Forgiveness... (A really nice wallpaper, i guess its Final Fantasy wallpaper? Kinda liked the Sin & Forgiveness idea, so wanted to write something abt it...)

Origin 3: Songs by Rain - Still unfamiliar & Utada Hikaru - First Love (These 2 songs v sentimental & touching so it inspired me =))

Combine all 3 origins together & I have this essay as the final product... Hahaha... Feeling v shiok now. Now, the reason why i obmitted the storyline cos i only wanted to bring out the feelings of my origins, whoever is reading can thus feel free to put urself in the shoes of my essay & include ur own life story. In this way, u may haf a stronger sense of ownership for my essay, able to understand & feel IT in a better way... =)

So readers pls enjoy, & do leave ur comments.... =)

Feeling great now
End of Entry
无法习惯

北风无情地刮着,大地弥漫着萧索、凄凉的气息。一股莫名的寂寞凄凉浮游于空气中,我独自在百花凋谢的这个秋天走着。秋天已到,树叶簌簌飘落,落得遍地。我缓缓走着,一步步都显得沉重疲惫,脚步仿佛背负着沉重负担。而这呆滞的步伐走得无声无息,仿佛走的人亦毫无生命。渐渐地,我在一棵树下停了下来。冷风霍然吹起,遍地落叶随风飘舞,围绕著我,仿佛亦感应到了我的黯然神伤。落叶与我擦身而过,带给我一份若即若离的感觉,气氛瞬间更添凄凉。。。

原谅我,我知道即使再怎么做,都无法挽回这秋天的一切。随着秋天的结束,冬季即将降临,而我亦会独自渡过这寒冷的冬天。然而,与你的共同回忆已深深烙印在我的内心深处,我无法习惯没有你的日子,无法习惯没有你在身边的感觉。深深想念着你的味道、你的微笑、你时而沉,时而轻的呼吸。。。记忆中的你带给我无限的欢笑,犹如春天的阳光,明媚温暖,不带任何杀伤力,缓缓地溶化了冬天残留下来的冰霜。我仍无法习惯没有你的每一天,就如从前一样。在你离开的这个秋天,树叶枯萎了,我的脚步变得呆滞,我的身心交瘁、疲惫不堪,我的生命无声无息地结束了。。。

原谅我,I wish to be forgiven。此时此刻,你不在我身边;而回忆的片段不断地在我脑海里重复著。风,仍不停地刮着;叶,亦继续飘落;我的伤口也依旧没有抚平;思念还是持续不断。一阵莫名的悲伤汹涌袭来,我忽然感到肩膀湿答答的,抬头一望,原来天空已下起雨来。这一瞬间,我已无法分辨出究竟是我因悲伤而落泪,还是天为你我的故事而哭?泪水与雨水已混合在一起了。在这凄凉的秋天,这一阵冷冷的冰雨与片片的落叶让我深切地感受到失去你的‘痛’。今晚落叶簌簌下,满天繁星如我泪。。。

繁星点点,多不胜数,但每一颗星之间的距离却又那么遥远,仿佛就如你我之间的距离。背负着种种的过错,我祈求得到宽恕,即使我知道一切都无法挽回并且都会在这个秋天结束。。。

犹如这场绵绵不断、毫无终结的雨, U will always be inside my heart, I hope I have a place in your heart too.....

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Dance Exchange Program @ NHSS 2005

Time is 21 Dec. Well, i didnt intend to join in or even go down to NHSS today, but becos of something i need to go down look for Mr Low and explain everything to him, so basically i went down. I do not wish to spell out everything here cos i really wish to put things behind me. As i said, my blog is a paperless collection of my memories, i wouldn't want these unhappy memories to be recalled when i read this entry again in the future. Basically its abt dance instructing stuff.

Okie, so i went down to NH today & sat there the whole day while they played games. All 4 schs were there & yup they perf items turn by turn. Then the ketchup song came & they started to party. Wah Lau, Mr Low muz haf done something to the tempo of the song. The tempo is damn fast, perhaps twice as fast? or one-half times? Next is the Countdown dance. Wah Piang, tt one can confirm is MINIMUM twice as fast. Haha, den Mr Low call us grads go down dance with them as well. It was really a shiok dance. I haf nv danced this dance with dance steps twice as fast b4, so finally got a chance to pit my personal speed with the music, Wah Piang, really shiok man!!! It was a challenge sia, i pit my speed against tt of the music, taking note of my actions, making sure i didn't 'eat' my steps in a bid to catch up with the music, eventually i put in effort & yup, managed to prove to myself TODAY tt i could still catch up with the twice as fast music.
Cos frankly speaking, long time nv dance full-up liao, & to fast music somemore. I v long nv attend Patrick's lessons, so v long no chance to come into contact with fast tempo music. So today is really to prove to myself tt i can still catch up with fast Tempo. V Happy, at least it eliminated my depression since morning.. Yup, so ended today's Exchange Prog at NH with the Countdown dance, with me joining all the students from: Crescent, Nan Chiau, Nan Hua & Tanglin, for the sake of challenging myself. & yup, glad to know tt i still Can Make It. =)

A fast dance is really tiring sia... But really challenging & Shiok!

End of Entry

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Introduction & Appreciation
(Cocktail + Jay Chou's Fa Ru Xue)

Time is 10 Dec '05. Last night was Zhenyu's birthday, we celebrated it via a 3day 2 night chalet at Pasir Ris Downtown East. First night i was quite happy, introduced a drink of Baley's Irish Cream with Hershey's chocolate to everyone present tt day. They liked it alot, & I was glad, after all, it's nice to introduce to ppl (esp ladies) these drinks with low alcohol content yet tasty. Haha, esp Joanna, Ivy liked it so much, they kept asking for more.. Though Mei Fang didn't drink much, she still gave acknowledgement tt the drink was nice...

=) It's satisfying to know tt ur introduction of things to frenz are appreciated

However, last night, i didn't haf a goodnight's sleep & yup something happened in the midnight/ early morning during the chalet den i got headache till this afternoon.. Then came home to sleep this morning but headache still didnt subside.. Moreover, still need to use brain over some issues, make me even more headache..
So aft my lunch, i went to sleep again but this time i did some music therapy as i get into sleep.. Hehe, miraclously my headache subsided.. =)
So here i m to introduce this magical song to my blog readers.. Fa Ru Xue by Jay Chou

The lyrics are below, pls enjoy & feel the song, it's really unique in a certain way, very good for music therapy. As i listen to the song, i slept with full relaxation (dancers reading this, u all shld already know its v difficult to relax all muscles even in sleep), yet i managed to do it with e help of this song.. Ppl who cant get to sleep/ haf headaches, i intro this song to u.
Another song oso worth mentioning is Still Unfamiliar sung by Korean Singer - Rain. Those in the chalet should know,i played ths song on Repeat mode last night.. Yup, these 2 songs r quite good for music therapy. U all may haf ur own choices of songs as well but do try out my suggestions.. At least they worked for me =) U dun expect to play Hip Hop/ heavy groove music for music therapy right? I think will even more stressed..

Readers, thanx for reading & yup, enjoy the feel of Fa Ru Xue, appreciate the beauty of this song, from lyrics to melody etc. Music Therapy is not juz listening to music alone, FEEL & APPRECIATE it... Understand the lyrics may help.. =) Anyway diff ppl got diff ways, try them out =)



歌曲:发如雪

歌手:
周杰伦 专辑:十一月的萧邦

狼牙月伊人憔悴我举杯饮尽了风雪
是谁打翻前世柜惹尘埃是非
缘字诀几番轮回你锁眉哭红颜唤不回
纵然青史已经成灰我爱不灭
繁华如三千东流水
我只取一瓢爱了解只恋你化身的蝶

你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉微醺的岁月我用无悔刻永世爱你的碑

rap:你发如雪凄美了离别我焚香感动了谁
邀明月让回忆皎洁爱在月光下完美
你发如雪纷飞了眼泪我等待苍老了谁
红尘醉微醺的岁月

啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦啦儿啦儿啦
铜镜映无邪扎马尾你若撒野今生我把酒奉陪
End of Entry

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

散文 <<瞬间の永恒 - 序>>

永恒不是永远。有人常常把永远与永恒搞错。永远与时间有关联。永远是用于指时间的长久性。永恒却和时间没有关联。它原是指不变的东西,因此有“永恒不变”的成语。它着重于不变的那种特质。所以才有这样的说法:钻石是永恒的。因为钻石不会变质,也不会因岁月的蹉跎的变形。
相对的,永远是因时间而定形的。例如:“你会爱我多久?”, “我会永远爱你。” 在这里,时间必须有存在的意义,那么永远才会有其宝贵的价值。永恒却不为此所影响。

永恒是和不变有关联,而永远是和时间的长久性有关联。

搞清楚了两者之间的差别,这篇散文的主题就不会矛盾了。因为瞬间与时间有关联,是指一霎那间的意思。而永远却是指长久的意思。因此,将主题读成瞬间の永远,不免自相矛盾,甚至不能理解作者最想表达的情感。但是,若将主题读成瞬间の永恒,就不难理解作者的用意。那代表着瞬间的不变。亦就是说瞬间的所有:包括了景象、天气、面貌、情感、承诺、回忆等都不会变。这些东西都会历经时间的洗礼,却仍然保持不变。其中,瞬间亦表示了“少”的可贵。

其意境与这两句话有点相似之处
“不在乎天长地久,只在乎曾经拥有”

“曾经沧海难为水,除却巫山不是云”
瞬间の永恒

在不知名的远处,有着一栋房子。在这偏僻、毫无人烟的地方,根本没有人会注意甚至经过这栋房子,也从来没有人开启这房子的那扇门。不知过了多久,这间房子来了一位房客。她,什么行李也没带,就打算这么住下来。她轻轻地打开了这扇许久没被开启的门,一步一步踏进了这间房子。她试着探索这房子的神秘,到处摸索,在房子处处留下了脚印。初次住进这间不甚熟悉的房子,她却备感温馨,感到房子给她一种很贴心的亲密感。虽不知她会何时搬走,但她却已在这间房子留下了不可磨灭的脚印。。。。

某年某月某一天的晚上,在送她回家的路途中,他们坐在寥寥数人的车里,窗外一片寂静。路上不见川流不息的车子,只见一排一排的街灯。车的行驶速度并不缓慢,却不知为何,车子似乎永远不会到达终点。他们紧握着彼此的手,依偎在一起,享受着爱就在身边的感觉。尽管车还是以急速在路上奔驰,他还是希望这段路程永远不要结束。与她在一起时的感觉独一无二,非其他人可取代。

他孤高冷傲,从来就没有人能接近他,更没有人试着要打开他心中的那扇门。这扇通往他心房的门被紧紧地锁上了。而从来就没有人能打开这把心锁,她不知如何竟持有打开这道门的钥匙。亦唯有她,才能打开这扇门,借而通往他的内心世界,探索他的心灵深处。。。
在这里,她或许不会住得很久,但是却已在他的心田里留下了不可磨灭的脚印。这一步一步的回忆已足以陪伴他一生一世。。。

当她将手放入他的手里时,她的玉指恰恰填满了他手指间的指缝,仿佛就如她住进了他的心房,填满了他心中的空虚。她的手不仅握住了他的手,仿佛亦触碰到了他的内心深处。握着她柔软的手时,他深切地感受到她的心,仿佛紧握的双手已将两颗心连接在一起,竟连心跳与呼吸的旋律都一致。这一瞬间的所有已代表了永恒。。。

犹如流星划过天际,最灿烂的一刻已是瞬间的永恒。即使流星已不在,观星者依旧记得它在无边无际的黑夜长空所留下的色彩。她亦同样地在他心中留下了永不磨灭的回忆。。。。

一瞬间已足够。。。

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

散文 <<冰天雪地 - 心的接触>>

这篇文章稍嫌短了一点,所以决定把它定为一篇散文。这篇散文以冰、雪、心为主题,其中概括阳光与黑暗的关系以及时间的流逝与停顿。或许慢工出细伙,这篇散文我花了五个小时来完成,比起以往作品不知是否稍微逊色?但是,这部作品依旧是我有感而发,所以事先没做太多准备功夫,一切纯属即兴。灵感来自陈晓东的一首粤语歌曲:心的接触

希望读者会喜欢,欢迎你发表你的感想。。。。
冰天雪地 - 心的接触

在这个地方,仿佛天天都是冬天。寒冷的风无情地刮着,大地没有丝毫生气,处处弥漫着一种近乎死亡的气息。一切都停顿、似乎连时间与空间都冻结,仿佛连地球都停止转动。这片大地没有一丝阳光,存在的只是一片黑暗。既没有白天也没有夜晚;在这里,时间失去了它的意义。年、月、日、分、秒,都没有任何分别。在这一片毫无生气的大地,存在着一座冰窟,冰窟的深处存放着一样东西。这样东西被万年玄冰冰封着,摆放在冰窟里也不知过了多久,一切似乎对时光的流逝无动于衷。。。

他们在一个不知名的情形下邂逅了彼此。当她初次出现在他的生命中时,一切如往常。但是,却不知从何时起,她的情绪开始影响了他。她的喜怒哀乐成了他最在乎的事。这时,大地有了变化,漫长的冬季告一段落。寒冷的风不再无情地刮着,取而代之的是一阵清凉爽朗的微风。时间与空间已不再冻结,黑暗的天空中渐渐地露出一丝丝的曙光,为大地带来了温暖。黑夜与白昼轮流交替,时间有了其存在的意义。大地逐渐因阳光的温暖而变得生气勃勃。冰天雪地渐渐融化,冰窟崩塌了,万年玄冰亦融化了,露出了一颗血红的心。血红的心开始在这一片冰天雪地中跳动,每一个心跳都仿佛震动了大地,驱散了死亡的气息。冰封已久的心因她的关系而解冻,只因不知从何时起,她的一颦一笑在他心中激起了阵阵涟漪。。。。

在一起的时候,感觉十分奇妙,这份感觉很亲近、很贴心。心与心的接触很真实,她是否也感觉得到?和她心连心的接触,改写了他的结局,终止了那漫长的冬天,更为大地注入了灵魂、情感,使他不再是无情的一副躯壳。她为他带来的不仅仅是爱情,而是更多尽在不言中的情感。冰窟已不复在,玄冰也不再凝结,心亦不再被冰封起来。。。

手牵手,心连心,一起走向未知的明天已是幸福。不知这条路会通往何处,不知能携手一起走多久,只知现在拥有的一切已是幸福。结局如何,他们都不知道,抑或根本不想知道,甚至情愿不知道,只想此刻在一起,过着心与心紧紧相连的日子。。。

此时正是四月份,外头却不知缘故,竟然漫天飞雪;片片雪花随风飘落,毫不着力地落在他的肩上,瞬间融化了,只因她为他带来温暖,使那颗跳动的心不再冻结。。。。

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

<<窗外雨滴-序>> <Raindrop>

Well, another essay done.. This essay took relatively a shorter time. Basically it took me simply one whole afternoon & i managed to complete it. It may not be v well-done but i haf a sense of accomplishment becos this essay was done impromptu, w/o much planning unlike previous essays.
This essay, i got my ling gan from 2 songs; A song for Lady by H.O.T, Wu Jin De Si Nian by Lin JJ. However, the main theme of this essay came from the rain today. It's been raining from this morning till now, so i m here at home nursing my injury, den nothing else to do, hence came up with an essay. =)

Unlike my previous essays, this particular essay has no story line to follow, yah there is but readers may find some pieces of the 'jigsaw puzzle' missing, so u may find tt the changes in the essay r abrupt & not smooth... Hehe, well, its alright cos i only wanted to express some thoughts i haf w.r.t to the 2 songs mentioned above & the rain today. =) I suggest u play these two songs while reading my essay, u may haf a diff feel. Best if when u look out of the window, its raining at the same time when u r reading...

A simple piece of essay, readers feel free to give comments... As usual, i wont get offended, dun worry...

End of Entry
<<窗外雨滴>>

夕 阳西下,阳 光缓缓地从地平线上消失。。。清澈的海水因为失去了阳光的反射,不再耀眼。夜幕低垂,海洋仿佛换上了另一件晚装,营 造了另一种气氛。我独自走 在沙滩上,迎面吹着海风。如此漫无目的地走着,听着海涛击打在岩石上的声音,看着海面上溅起的浪花,时间就在不知不觉中悄悄溜走了。时间总是如此这般在人 类的不知觉中溜走。。。爱情亦是一样。时间是永恒的,对于时间的无情,它的毫不停留,人类处于被动,毫无反抗的处境,一切是那么地无可奈何。面对永恒的时 间,人类显得多么渺小。

她是我一生挚爱,我们的爱情经过很多考验,彼此之间的爱情却始终坚贞不移。但是即使多么纯洁的爱情,也敌不过命运 的摆布。仿佛在扮演着悲剧中的角色似的, 她的身体逐渐衰弱,但在医学上却找不出任何解释。日子一天一天过去了,时间无情地流逝,她变得越来越憔悴。被病魔缠身的她却依然故作坚强,强颜欢笑,不希 望身边的人为她伤心难过。在看似坚强的微笑背后,隐藏着深深的悲痛。我明明知道,也感觉得到,却无力挽回她的笑容。在笑容逐渐褪去的时光中,她的生命也燃 烧到了尽头。。。

纯 洁的白玫瑰枯萎、凋谢了,我的世界停留在一年前的那一霎那,一切冻结了。。。尽管地球还是继续转动,日子也依旧一天一天过去,我却犹如行尸走肉一般,毫无 情感。“对不起,Dear,我虽答应了你不再流泪,但无奈对你的思念还是没减少,而失去你的痛还依旧残留在心中,深深被埋藏在内心的某一个角落,我还是无 法忘怀。。。”

此 时,面对着窗外的绵绵细雨,我不禁想起我们曾经一起走过的路,所踏过的每一片草原。雨点绵绵不绝地击打在窗上;滴答、滴 答、滴答~~~ 雨点在透明的玻璃窗缓缓滑落,仿佛形成了一幅画。画中的那名女生多愁善;她虽然拥有雪白的肌肤,脸上却蒙上了一层忧郁,使她显得越加苍白。那一滴一滴的 雨点仿佛是从她眼中滑落的泪水,颗颗晶莹剔透的泪珠显得纯洁无垢,似乎象征着她真情的流露。。。她是因相思、分离之苦而流泪吗?我试图抚摸她的脸颊,感受 那令人温馨的体温,无奈触碰到的尽是冰冷的玻璃窗。我的心又再次沉淀到深海里,对她的无尽思念这辈子都不会减少。我们之间的距离也不会丝毫缩短。我 知道自己曾经答应她不会沉溺于 悲伤。而能让我见到她的唯一方法是透过雨天、透过那片冰冷的玻璃窗;亦只有每当下雨天,我才能再次见到她。即使如此,我们之间的距离还是让我触摸不到 她。。。

“能与你相爱一次,这一生我已满足。对你的种种思念,我将会把它埋藏在心里,让悲伤不再。” 能够慰藉这颗冰冻的心亦只有下雨天的雨点、只有你。。。

Monday, November 21, 2005

Thoughts & Feelings aft Lao Jiu The Musical 2005

Well, much haf been said abt this production, i haf gone thru alot, including one additional new injury inflicted by my fellow dancer. I shall touch on issue by issue in this entry. Honestly, the moment i got this injury, which i demmed serious, i was v sad, v v sad..
1stly, sad tt i cant practise dance 4 approx 2 months, 2nd, its the issue i wanna bring up in this entry.

With utmost respect to all readers & my frenz reading this entry, dun misunderstand my words. U all should know me well so i shall not think abt 'phrasing'... I'll juz pour out my thots w/o packaging them, pls understand..

The issue is I m injured by my fellow dancer, Mr Low's student. I wanna say why all of us r taught by the same teacher, turned out so differently? I dun consider myself a talent, hence i expect others to hit the same level as me easily, or even surpass me... There is room for improvement for me..
I m so sad is tt why r the students from Mr Low's classes getting more & more CMI? The truth y i was injured is really simply becos he couldn't grasp his amt of strength & his timing & positioning... Isn't a 'Mr-Low-trained' dancer supposed to know all these already? I dun blame him for this becos even Jet Li Jackie Chan in movies they slipped too, & injure too..
Hence, i m not asserting blame, i m simply sad...
I m sad becos the students who r being churned out of Mr Low's hands r getting more & more CMI. Yet, this isn't Mr Low's fault, i saw how he taught these students. Basically he taught me the same things when i was a student, but why did i turn out like tt, & those ppl turn out otherwise?

I m not advocating tt every1 muz be like me, muz be the same... NO!!! I m saying why these basic principles such as timing & positioning r not taken into account when they dance/ perform? I dare to say here, in my blog, tt all the current Sec 3s of NHDS oso make this type of mistake, they r juz pure lucky they didnt injure otheres yet... In a performance, like i always teach them as well, u muz be sensitive to what is going on ard u, u dun juz F***ing dance ur own dance steps & dun bother abt other things.. It doesn't work this way, it isn't supposed to as well... All these advice fell on deaf ears...

Hence i m so sad, which is y i blogged down this entry. Cant they be more careful, more enthu, more hardworking to improve themselves? I m sad becos If this carries on, i wouldnt dare & wouldnt want to dance with any of the dancers in DI liao, cos they jeopardize my life leh...
F***, this time is ribcage already damn serious liao, next time is what?

So the sadness continues, cos if i dun dance with them, i haf to part with my beloved dance... I really dun wish to.. But it doesnt mean i haf to compromise & accomodate these sub-standard ppl who will endanger my life-span in dancing... I wanna carry on dancing 4 a long term, i really wish to, the only possible way is tt they muz buck up...... Not i bring myself to tt kind of level to join them...

Argh................................... Why muz things turn out like tt?

End of Entry (with sadness)
Dance Exp in Events so far (from 1996 - 2005)
Edited version since 21 Nov '05

Blogged this entry so tt in future i can easily recall what i did during my younger dayz...
Realize my memories r failing me recently..
If u realize tt is the reason y i suddenly chose to blog...
A paperless collection of my memories...

1996 - NDP Mass Display
1997 - SYF Dance Competition Joyful Harvest(Gold)
1997 Dec to 1998 Jan - My 1st self-choreographed dance under guidance of Mr Low (my idea was later adopted & edited by Mr Low for 1998's D.I. production Snake Dance) Titled: Zhan Wu Bu Sheng
1998 - SYF Mass Display at Kallang Stadium
1998 - Hope, Vannessa Mae dance (e table & chou)
1999 - SYF Dance Competition, Forging Ahead (Gold)
1999 - Suntec Millenium Countdown (at top of Fountain, circle road) - Forging Ahead
2000 - Kallang Theatre, He Wu Gong Ming 2000 - The world in the Magical Box *w Guang Ming + Han Qiang etc
2000 - NKF event at e water area opp Istana Park - 30+ min dance (comprieses of: my very 1st self-choreographed solo dance under the guidance of Mr Low, Titled: Pan Gu (duration 10 min) + The world in the Magical Box (editied version, 15 min) , + Hope)

2000? - I think.... Chingay at Nicoll Highway
2001 - Quit 4 'A' Levels
2002 - Go back NHSS help the Chingay at Padang
2003 - Aft Commission, later half of the yr go back join Mr Low
2004 - NKF event at e water area opp Istana Park - The world in the Magical Box (diff from 2000, is this time no stage, straight away dance in water) Path Productions
2004 - Wu Ju 3 (collaboration w Foo Chow Assoc) Kopitiam + Bottle up
2005 - Chingay 2005 @ Orchard Road
2005 - NDP 2005 @ Padang
2005 - Lao Jiu The Musical 2005 presented by TTP

Out of the list unmentioned are minor performances such as Cultural Pot & Sch Anniversary + Comm Centre perf....


Partners i have cooperated with thru out the years:
1996 - Xueping
1998 - Lee Hao Yih, Chuiling, ZhiQian, Cai Shiming, Jingling
1999 - Connie Wan Ziying
2000 - Zhou Xiu, Hui Ting, QianHui, Xiao Huimin, Xiao Wanling
2003 - Xue Zhen
2004 - Shi Hui, Adelene Kong, Wei Yun, Yunyun

So far from 1996 - 2005 is lidat... (edited since 21 Nov '05)

Some dance memories:
*2002 Dec i went NHSS @old sch campus NHPS for e dance camp, is last time i saw Mdm See still as a teacher in NHSS....
*smth worth mentioning abt yr 2000 NKF event: Last chance 4 3 of us dance together Weiyang, me & Zixiang.. Weiyang nv dance since then...

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Lao Jiu The Musical (Part 4/4)

The New Drama Centre

The venue where Lao Jiu is staged is at the New Drama Centre, above the new National Library. Lao Jiu is the opening performance for the new drama centre, thereby Shi Jian is the first troupe to use this venue for a performance. Haha...
Woah, the facilities there r good.. Well, i dun haf the chance to go to the control room to take a look at the control lighting & sound syst but the theatre is well-designed and furnished.

Why do i bother to enter an entry juz abt New Drama Centre? Cos last night during the rehearsal there, i suddenly realized once again why i had liked to perform... When i stepped into the dressing room of Drama Centre, woah, it was great!!! though with only 3-4 rooms, but each room is considered spacious. (Dun compare to Kallang Theatre lah, but its better than Vic Theatre) With a bathroom in each dressing room, moreover shower got heater. In dressing room still got personal lockers for putting belongings. Most impt, it is spacious, really spacious, can do all the necessary warm-up in there b4 going on-stage..

The seating capacity of Drama Centre is rather small, the stage is relatively deep but not wide enough, approximately do 2 handspring can reach end to end liao.. The stage floor texture is smooth, too smooth till slippery, not v safe, do stunts v dangerous. The front seats are too close to the stage front, i can imagine Mr Low's dances sure cannot perform there... No place to jump down stage, audience is directly juz in front of u.. The dist from u to him is abt 2 rows of seats... But anyway, every stage has its uniqueness and i still exploring this stage.. =)

When i stepped up onto the stage of Drama Centre, it was a familiar feeling, like i haf found my long-lost friend... Recall: Do u know when i haf last stepped onto a theatre stage? It was in 2004, Wu Ju 3 in Vic Theatre. A yr ago leh... It was really a long-lost feeling...
Standing on stage, touching the curtains, all the side lights, walking on stage, putting markings here & there for positioning, feeling the stage floor, looking at the audience seats from the centre of e stage, all these feelings just came back to me again... I just felt happy all of a sudden, & juz so happy.
The dressing room gives me a comforting & familiar feeling as well... I always recall that dressing rooms (holding area) are always the places with most fun... In fact, i decided to bring my clothing, sleeping bag & my books to study at Drama Centre while waiting for my scene rehearsal... Haha, like the feeling of wandering around & exploring theatres...

I recall why i haf always liked performances in theatres. It is this kind of familiar, fun, wander ard feeling tt keeps me always interested in going to theatres to perform.. In fact, i seriously like them. I remember the first time i wandered ard Kallang Theatre to everywhere as if it was my playground. From toilets to hidden staircases, emergency fire exits, all dressing rooms, control room, & interestingly, how to get into theatre w/o paying 4 tix.

Enjoyed the rehearsal at Drama Centre last night, i found the feeling once again... =)
I want/wish to perform in theatres every now & then...

End of Entry
Lao Jiu The Musical (Part 3/4)

Haha, this part i wish to say abt the happy memories i haf when participating in Lao Jiu. It's damn interesting, i got to know so many ppl and tt they r so 100% professional, i m impressed. (though there r exceptions sometimes =p)

Let's just intro: till now i dunno many of them abt shall just try my best. 1st; Johnny Ng (Huang Jia Qiang Da-ge), oh cos every1 in Shi Jian address him as Jia Qiang Da-ge. He is my opponent in my fight scene and of course i m the one kanna beaten up lah, but he is damn professional. I shall touch a little on technical aspects; his powerful voice projection, his yan shen and hence the entire say, really walk like got wind blowing... Gangster really act until like gangster. professional.

Next, Jonathan Lim; Yup yup, he is tt Jonathan from Wild Rice, the assoc artistic director. In a certain way, he is currently Ivan Heng's Right Hand Man. Basically his skill the same as Jia Qiang Da-ge, dun wish to touch so much on technical aspects. He was also a ex-lecturer in NUS teaching Theatre Studies. He acts as Mr Jin in Lao Jiu, the person offering the scholarship to Lao Jiu.

Next, Lim Kay Siu; if u dunno him, he is Frankie Foo in PCK. Ring a bell? Well, he is damn good lor, he polish his chinese language v hard, professional sia.. In this show, he is really one of the most hardworking artistes.. Oso, his smoking hor, wah, Power... Haha...

Next, Alvin; he is the asst. director for Lao Jiu. Something worth mentioning, he is from Old Ox Theatre last time, so yah, if u know drama & theatre, u will know Old Ox ppl damn pro one, this one dun need elaborate. Something worth mentioning is his acting skills lah, imagine he can act ah-beng until so alike tt even Yongxuan oso scared of him leh... Wah, his yan shen & say is good man... In our fight scene, he was the 1 responsible for teaching us how to act like true ah-bengs, unlike what u see at the bus stops nowadays...

Next, Trey & Justin; Justin one yr younger than me, studying in SIM now, oso interested in Arts one lah, he is v into fliming, got productions participate in Singapore Film Festival b4. Trey, a yr older than me, wah lau, this guy is freaking good sia. He is now in NUS Theatre Studies, and oso an active dancer of NUS dance ensemble. His ji ben gong wah piang, so old liao still so flexible, i v impressed.. oso a little envy/jealous... sob, sob...

Next Mindee & Magdalene; well, they sometimes appear on TV as actors or models. Something worth mentioning is Magdalene's voice. Wah, her vocal damn good, powerful sia... high pitch too, the key v high...

There are many others who r all v professional but i still dunno many of their names yet..=p But i really wish to say: When they r on rehearsal, they usually full-up all e time & when they do, they r completely different. Their energy is focused on the stage, when in curtains, they keep quiet & dun talk to each other at all.. Fully focused on what is going on on stage, how to prep their emotions for next scene etc. Every1 is extremely enthu & nobody spoils the atmosphere, all fully prepared, 100% concentration, no giggling, no chatting. Though they r at side stage, they r fully involved in the flow of the show, so dun need to try to ru xi again later.

F*** lah, compare this to ppl in DI? No 100% concentration & devotion at all... Mr Low say muz let them come & learn from others, he meant this type of attitude & prep methods. Hence, these past months in Shi Jian, i really happy to exp this high level of professionalism, unlike in DI..

This crew is really fun to be with, i seriously enjoyed the rehearsals with them. The most interesting thing is our talk-cock seesions where we sit down & chat during waiting time. Wah piang, laugh till like siao, even Kay Siu & Jonathan join in our sessions... Haha... Interesting ppl..
I m v happy to haf met & know these ppl...

Something worth mentioning: Wah lau eh, Jeff Tan is really rather well-known in this arena, imagine when both Jonathan & Alvin talked to me, they asked me how come i know abt theatre stuff such as alienation effect, i said: oh Jeff Tan taught me b4, they said, Orh, Jeff Tan ah.... No wonder lah... They were full of praises of Jeff... Haha, with thanks to Jeff Tan, i was introduced to theatre & got to know this bunch of interesting ppl... Really happy =)
Lao Jiu the Musical (Part 2/4)

Well, this part i would like to enter my personal thoughts abt my life after participating in Lao Jiu.

I find myself so similar to the role of Lao Jiu and tt i face similar consequences regarding my decision. But well, right up till now, i dun haf the courage to decide yes, i go dance full time. Nope, i haf not. In fact, i may feel tt i dun even haf the capability to do tt. After all, i not like Connie who since young has been learning dancing etc. I dun think i m up to mark yet. Okie, this is the technical aspect, i dunno good enough or not.

Next, is the aspect of stable income. Actually Arts can oso haf stable income one. 1 good example is Mr Low. Others would be Drama Troupes like Wild Rice, TheatreWorks etc. All can make $$. It depends on how u do it, do u spend extravagently on every single production? So the stability comes from Sourcing. If u haf a great network of contacts, u can get jobs relatively easy, in such a way, income is considered rather stable. I dare say at least 4 a yr.

Next, is the aspect of Reality. Honestly, passion matters alot but it doesn't decide Everything. Life is not a bed of roses. I taught in Tanglin for a yr so far, i realized it's really damn hard. Wanna impart my skills to them, but they mostly not interested. Interested ones, not hardworking enough, learn a bit den give up... Sigh... Moreover, Life is harsh. If i wanna go full time i would haf to think of ways to up my profile, these may include winning in dance competitions etc. But reality is: in these competitions such as Funkamania, Anti-Drug etc, newcomers usually dun win no matter how gd u r. I dun think u even make it thru the audition. It is the regular customers tt choreograph & participate who win. So all in all, Reality bites.

So basically, its oso not tt easy to be like Lao Jiu, say decide den decide. U may haf to be like him, embark on a lonely journey w/o anyone beside u. And just like the ending of the drama, u dunno what lies in the future, there is uncertainty....
Lao Jiu The Musical (Part 1/4)

Time is Nov '05. As mentioned in past entries, i m into this musical by Shi Jian Ju Chang. Honestly, i learnt alot from this collaboration with Shi Jian. Though i just take up a minor role, but i got to know lots of ppl, & seriously learnt alot. Even thinking oso a bit change. After all, these theatre ppl always are always innovating. Whether in terms of thinking or productions, always got their own unique styles. =)

For this entry, i shall include the plot of Lao Jiu, and state out why i sincerely feel its a good script.. Kuo Pao Kun is really a genius with his She Hui Zhu Ti Ju Chang, always ever pointing out the 'sickness' of our society. Yup, to him, he may haf viewed it as sickness and other audience/ critics may not think tt the point he brought out is a type of 'sickness' but anyway tt's not impt. What impresses me is tt he managed to bring out these points which r close to our life and tt we can relate so closely to the script.. The plot goes like this:

Lao Jiu, the ninth child of the family, only son, is the pride & joy of his father, an ex-gangster. It was foretold that this brillant young man will achieve great success in life. Now on the brink of winning a prestigious scholarship (for the gifted) that will ensure a glorious career, Lao Jiu finds himself more fascinated by Puppetry, a dying art which no youngsters r interested. He yearns to be a student of Shifu, his dad's cloest friend. Torn between reality & dreams, modernity & tradition, he is determined to find his destiny.

Eventually he gave up the scholarship though he topped among all e gifted, and went on to learn puppetry from Shifu. But the plot has many underlying themes, it isn't just abt Arts Vs. Stable job kinda theme. 1stly, his father is like my parents, relatively lowly educated. He was a gangster when young, stayed with Martial Arts sch, learnt Wushu and didnt haf $$ to go study at all, not even primary sch. Having the only son who was highly gifted, it's natural he would want his son to get the scholarship & hence stable job & dun need like him slog like mad for the entire life. This comes in the theme abt our parents always telling us to study hard, get a degree, come out & haf a stable job..

However, his passion was in puppetry. Actually, tt is what is in the script but actually audience can interpret it in any way, u can simply put urself into Lao Jiu's shoes, and replace Puppetry with Dance/ Music/ Visual Arts/ Wushu/ whatever arts. So the theme abt Passion Vs Reality. So How? Usually ppl say those who do arts end up with no money, will be damn poor etc. So do u want a luxurious life or u dun mind as long as u spend everyday fruitfully doing what u love most?

So eventually, there is a conflict between him & his entire family, cos their hopes are all on him. So the issue here is: Filial Piety Vs Pursuing ur own dream? If u give up scholarship, u give up a successful career which can bring ur family out of poverty, in such a way, u failed ur parents, thereby considered unfilial. Or would u choose to pursue ur dreams & passion?

Next, the hint in the script abt dying art. If nobody takes up Arts as full-time jobs, such as Lao Jiu, eventually It will be too late and e Art will be totally lost. This is the interesting part in the script. In the ending, when Lao Jiu finally decided to learn puppetry from Shifu, Shifu died of a terminal illness 3 months later. N it was not stated in the ending whether did he learn everything he ought to from Shifu b4 he died. I mean, so what if Lao Jiu decided to learn? It was only 3 months, i dun think he learnt everything. In a certain way, the art may be considered lost. The issue is: When society such as Singapore does not place emphasis on dying arts, eventually it gets lost. I dare say many forms of arts in Singapore r already facing similar fate. Eg. Puppetry, Chinese Opera, Gao Qiao, and some music instruments in Chinese Orchestra.

The conflict here is tt nobody is right nor wrong. Its only natural tt parents want their child to haf stable income etc, but neither is Lao Jiu's fault if he decides to puruse his dreams. The conflict is tt, if Lao Jiu pursues his dream, he has to carry the 'name' of unfilial, selfish, not providing for parents' old age etc. Anyway, in the end of the drama, Lao Jiu's father passed away too not long after Shifu passed away. N the family members who once doted on him, started to 'mind their own business' so in a certain way, the family is no longer as close as b4. N Lao Jiu embarks on his lonely journey as an artist (puppetry). It is just a very bei ai ending.

The presentation of the script thru a musical is oso v good, can feel the sadness in every1, in the entire story.... There is alot to read from the show, i cant spell out everything cos its too much, even a simple dialogue has hidden meaning/ implications. So yup, its really a great script! =)

Friday, October 28, 2005

MBTI Quiz
http://www.blogthings.com/mbtiquiz/


I found this website online.. Friends who visit my blog, i strongly recommend u all to take this personality test. Well, this is called the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) It is the most well-known personality test in the world currently with firms such as Hewlett-Packard, Exxon, using it on their top executives. It is divided into 4 categories: Introversion vs extraversion (I/E), sensing vs intuition (S/N), Thinking vs Feeling (T/F), and lastly, Judging vs Perceiving (J/P).
With diff combinations, u get 16 combinations all in all. Eg. ISTP means Introvert, sensing, thinking and perceiving person.

This letter combination does not exactly specify who u r, becos MBTI acknowledges tt every individual is unique and different and does not attempt to generalize personality types. The reason why this test is extremely good is not in its accuracy in predicting personality, is tt it lets firms/ top executives know the working personality of the person taking the test. When dealing with work, what type of a person is HE? Eg. a Judging person means he is extremely organized, and likes to go by the books, while a perceiving person is some1 who is creative, likes to innovate, likes to do things on the spot w/o planning b4 hand. Hence, if an employee is a Judging type, & u assign him tasks last min, thereby disrupting his daily organized schedule, he is likely to hate u for it & may be de-motivated to perform. Hence, MBTI is extremely useful in evaluating personnels so tt Organizational Behaviour can be better shaped.

However, having looked at this quiz and took this quiz, i wish to say this online quiz is not the real MBTI quiz, it is a shorter version. The real MBTI quiz has abt 200+ questions which can lead to a better evaluation, this online quiz has only 40 qtns. Friends out there reading this, pls take the test, its really good. Becos u can know urself even better, u can even shape ur own working style so tt when u work with diff ppl in the future, if u r highly adaptable, u can even change ur working style to suit his.
For instance, if now u r Judging but ur boss always like to give jobs on the spot, u can gradually change ur style of working, not necessary resign right? All in all, the good thing abt MBTI is like we can choose who we wanna be, I tell u, i took e real test twice, once in SAJC, once in NTU. I managed to change my results, not tt i memorise the answers again and play cheat to change my MBTI results, but i gradually change my working styles & habits, eventually achieving the results i want. (though now it is still not my ideal result) I didn't know i haf changed till i took the test again, when i recall my previous results, i realized i did change after all.

What this test does not offer as compared to the longer version one( i muz say the nature of the qtn is the same but quantity diff), is tt becos longer version got more qtn, it gives a better evaluation, something called the clarity score. Like i said above, MBTI acknowledges tt every individual is unique and different and does not attempt to generalize personality types. Clarity score shows the magnitude of ur inclineness towards the personality type, from 0-99.
Take me for eg. My type is INTJ, but my T & J component is 3/99, which is extremely low, this means tt i can oso be a INFP person, becos my T/F & J/P components are highly interchangeable. For clarity score, as mentioned by my professor in NTU, as long as u haf a clarity score of below 5, it means u can switch in between diff personality types. It is not exactly clear what type of personality u are.

Anyway, having read what i haf wrote, i still dun think i explained MBTI clearly, Friends wishing to know more, pls let me know... It's really v good, though not the longer version but juz take this online quiz as a guide.

End of Entry

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I really have hopes on 'them'

This is a senseless entry... I oso dunno why i think this way; maybe attributable becos youngsters recently are v cmi, so i hope for miracles to happen where i can get 2 know a grp of so-called 'better' youngsters...
Well, i sincerely hope for NHDS current members to be pro-active so tt in a certain way, the mythology can lives on... Recently heard from Qihui tt the Sec 3s are trying to get alot of things done... Apparently i heard tt they haf big plans for Dance Camp, and to my surprise, they quite enthu (they arrange a meeting next Mon, immediately aft end of yr exams) hopefully they can org a dance camp successfully lah...

Actually hopes r hopes, i dunno what to pin for, what can be expected.. Imagine the mid-autumn fest celeb at NHDS, the sec 3 guys kanna scolded by Mr Low again, i m quite unwelcome by e idea of seniors/ grown-ups kanna scolded by Mr Low, how is it possible tt at such a age liao still canno think? Still need instructor to scold? Wah lau.. How do i connect with them? Honestly haf high hopes 4 NHDS, i sincerely wish to come back to sch every now & then, see a very united and enthu bunch of young dancers which participate in their ECAs actively and furthermore, within every bunch can choke up abt 1 or 2 extremely enthu ones to coach in depth so tt they can be active in performing arts or simply dance in their future... Woh... This is really an ideal, i can see how far it is from reality but nvtheless, i know deep down inside i still harbour hopes..

Yup, i mean which graduate (with a rational mind) would wanna come back and juz see NHDS collapse then happy as if he/she struck lottery? There r ppl like tt, but definitely not me lah...
What will NHDS turn into? I seriously dunno but as of today, 2 Oct 2005, i know tt i sincerely dun want it to fall, i still wanna help it... Nv will i wanna see NHDS lose its uniqueness and become a society with many girls and some sissy among them...

May this coming Dance Camp be a exciting one.... =) May NHDS prosper once again with true quality tt can take the dance arena by storm...

I simply wish upon....

End of Entry

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Juz Enjoy What U r Doing, Easy to Say but Hard to carry out (Part1)


Haha, so interesting.. Dian and Qianhui asked me when we were doing our project, who do i think in today's entertainment arena can dance well? Quite interesting so i decided to pen it down..

Cos this qtn by them is linked to my qtn of what is a good dancer mah, thus i found it v interesting to ans this qtn. B4 i answer this qtn, i wish to say: tt after these days so long in dancing, i honestly can feel what Mr Low said tt day during his workshop in PA. He mentioned tt ever since he stepped into the dance arena and realized how big the world is, he doesn't claim anymore tt he knows/ understands DANCE. Well, i seriously understand liao... Cos recently went thru so much i think i fucking wake up my idea liao... Its v sad and it's the harsh truth but it really woke me up, Esp what Jeff Tan said abt Performing Arts, i quote him (word 4 word);

"In this world, it's really the hard truth, regardless whether u haf worked extremely hard or not, when it comes to the FINAL Judgement, there can only be 2 answers; It's either u haf it, or u dun.. It is so harsh, & regardless whether u can accept it or not, it is still the truth."

So in his explaination, actually he meant when it comes to eventual judgement, 3 parties will agree on the same thing, whether the person has the talent/gift/ X-factor (or whatever u call it) or not.. 3 Parties r: The one judging the performance, the one watching the performance (audience), the performer (or the choreographer). All 3 will come to the same conclusion ultimately: The item is good/ bad, no in betweens; no not bad, ok lah, so-so etc. Even the performer(choreographer) himself, if being partial, will oso come to the same conclusion.
So its v sad/ disheartening, cos its in-borne or cultivated, NOT trained. Which means no amt of training can make up. which oso means PASSION isn't enough...
So Honestly, I know i DUN HAF it, and of course i think will nv haf it... Which i think i still decide to carry on dancing cos i think i juz cant let it go... As for achievements wise, i think i can only take things as they come ba... I know i'll nv and i can nv achieve far....
I'll have to just enjoy what i am doing and disregard the achievements thing but i know this isn't going to be easy...

Really hor, Dance is so wide and limitless, i dunno dance at all, in fact, i m still nothing.. which makes me feel v useless... =( With regards to Kpop Arena, Artists like Rain, Se7en are ard my age, yet they r so far ahead in dance liao, i really wonder what i haf been doing so far.... Rain is 1982, Se7en is 1984, i'm 1983, but i m nowhere, & nothing too...

Dance is really borderless, even if u limit urself to the A-sphere or E-sphere, it's still limitless...

End of Part 1
Juz Enjoy what u r doing, Easy to say but Hard to carry out (part 2)

So Qianhui & Dian asked me this qtn, i responded as follows: Well, in my opinion, alot of ppl dance now cos an artist no longer needs to know how to sing but oso need to know how to dance, but dance well ones really v few.. in order not to complcate matters, i shall answer the qtn with regards to Cpop & Kpop arena only lah..

So in Cpop female artistes, my top 3 are: Evonne Xu, Elva Hsiao, Landy Wen
Evonne ranks first becos she can carry all sorts of dance genres off v well... Dian said she thought Evonne only knows Ballet but she is v wrong lor.. In my opinion, she has already obtained the essence of dance, hence she can carry off many genres of dance v well.. I told Dian to take a look at Shi Lian Bu Ba MTV, she will see how Evonne can bring off E-sphere Dances too... Take a look at Da Feng Chui she will see how Evonne can bring off Social Dances such as Waltz... Hence, i rank her 1st.

For Male artist in Cpop, there r alot of good dancers i agree but ranking wise, i only manage to rank out 2 most extraordinary one... Cos i feel that they r worth mentioning..
1st: Aaron Kwok 2nd: Milk (Energy)

Aaron Kwok will always the 1st in my list cos the reason is the same as Evonne.. He carries off all genres of dance v well.. Even martial arts he oso zai, so no disputes lah.. Milk is good but imagine Milk dance Ballet? Cannot right? So tt's y he ranks below Aaron...
There r many good dancers but i personally feel tt they lag behind Aaron & Milk by alot, so i dun bother to rank cos it's madness... But honestly, someone worth mentioning here who is good in Hip-Hop or MTV dances is Alex Toh.

Moving on to Kpop female artists, no need to fight
1st is confirm: BoA 2nd: Lee Hyori
Both these artists are good, but i think Hyori is too westernized (kinda Destiny Child pattern), so will not carry off genres such as Ballet well... BoA a bit more versatile than her...

Kpop Male Artists, sad to say: NO ranking... Cos they all to F***ing zai already, cannot rank ah, it will be madness.... =)

There r juz too many of them... But i would like to mention if Dance Choreography Skills is included, (i.e not juz dance techniques) the outstanding one would be Jang Woo Hyuk.
He is ex-H.O.T member, current JTL member, choreographer of all H.O.T's dances and of course currently of all JTL dances. Equivalent to Milk's role in Energy but honestly his genre does not limit to Hip Hop only, he can choreograph alot more kinds of dances.

Honestly as compared to Rain & Se7en, their genres are only hip-hop, R&B, Woo Hyuk is far much better...
Still, i would like to list out some of the good dancers in Kpop Arena:
(Not in order of merit) Rain, Se7en, JunJin, MinWoo, H.O.T, Black Beat

So yup, Dance world is damn big out there, i haf not included Western Pop artists yet...

Anyway, in this big world, i realize i m nothing....

End Of Entry

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Hatred, Frustration, Anger

Time is 20 Sep '05
Today mood is damn bad... Dunno how to describe, what to say, how to pen down...
I can feel the Hatred, Frustration, Anger all burning inside me.. Life has make me damn sick recently. All those talk abt cherishing life suddenly dun ring to me anymore, currently now i feel overwhelmed by Hatred, Frustration, Anger...

I haf nothing against life just tt i m very angry NOW... (N/B:It's just a day only lah, hopefully tml things turn out better... This entry is not important lah, just for venting's sake...)

Life is hard, Life is tough, Life is difficult, I dunno what i m doing.... Why is my life like tt?
Wah Lau.......

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Where should i go from here?

Today is 11 sep '05. I juz came back from DI. i realized things changed so much.. though i see light every now & then, & get depressed over dance issues, but somehow i always pick myself up. Actually i dunno whether in the future i will get over this or not, maybe few days, maybe few months, but i really want to pen this down...

Is it i really should not dance anymore? esp with this new batch of ppl? its not solely NH only lor cos there r still dancers fromother sch, so things r getting out of hand. Since i cant influence ppl with my good intentions, i decide not to care anymore... Is there any other soln? I sincerely pen down these thots of mine: Where should i go from here? How should i carry on from here? Leave? or join some other troupe? i think neither may make me happy (there r several possiblities), nor will staying make me happy too? How?

Cant believe it tt I haf to face such a situation someday. Come to think of it, i haf danced for quite some time, but i dun think its long cos honestly i still wish to continue for as long as i can..
I started out at 13, ever since i graduated from NHSS, i haf danced with many diff ppl, nv haf i faced this kinda of situation whether to carry on or not... A dancer dance until ask himself whether to carry on dancing or not? what is e world coming to?!

When i read this entry in the future, i may understand my current state of mixed-feelings..
A little sad, angry, feel unappreciated, disappointed, plus a kind of 'running out of time' feeling, & lastly a kind of 'praying for surprises' feeling...
I sincerely wish to meet & be with a bunch of super-enthu dancers willing to practise hard & sweat it out everytime, doesn't complain abt bordem n yet continues to create & innovate everytime..

I shall end this entry with this hope of mine....

End of Entry
Hope

Friday, September 09, 2005

A Glimpse of Hope

Today at home do nothing, quite slack but there is something worth blogging abt.. Seriously i read something on other blogs & i was quite happy (or should i say comforted instead?). I m entering this entry cos i sincerely feel tt they deserve an entry in my 'book of memories' tt i know when in the future i look back & read this entry, i might be rather happy, no guarantees but yah there is a possibility i may be happy...

Well, all along i haf been blooging abt how NHDS has sunk in standard & other aspects etc. Maybe one of the things out there tt dun look so bleak to me may be the youngsters themselves. Yes, the youngsters nowadays cant make it but whenever i spot/ (or rather sense cos i nv contact with them anyway), i feel a glimpse of hope. I sincerely feel all is not lost & if i can influence these youngsters, i would be very happy & as a matter of fact, if they really follow my 'teachings/ philosophies in life', i will even feel more honoured.

I went around reading their blogs today, i realized many dancers are still v interested in dance. Mostly all girls' blogs due to nhds blog, cos their links mostly girls. link to those sec 1 & 2s then their personal blogs oso all girls... so read lots of girls' entries today but yup, quite happy to know tt they r interested in dance. Actually, i dun haf good impression of them cos Cultural Pot '05 was a disaster, so i dun believe them. But since they show interest, i mean maybe i can mould them slowly ba.. Maybe their maturing process in thinking has slowed down, but anyway got interest most impt.

Whether they eventually can make it or not, i cant say 4 sure & like in previous entries, unless 'approached', i shall not intervene anymore cos the age gap too big liao, imagine this yr sec1 is 1992, diff of 9 yrs from me... Wah Kao... But I see a glimpse of hope lah... Yah lah, 4 guys i dun see the light yet but 4 girls okie lah, got hope lah... Now the issue is who go mould them & influence them only.. There is this sec 1 grp called phay, i think they got hope lah, dun learn any bad stuff from their seniors, i think can nuture them ba....

Bottomline, today i quite happy... Seriously everytime i so sian NHDS become so weak, it always nice to let me c a glimpse of hope in the young generation.. It is so interesting & encouraging for me =)... The worrying thing abt NHDS is like wat Zhenyu has mentioned b4, dunno NH will turn into SA or not... Some1 muz go train the boys to become man ah..... Some1 pls.....

But anyway, as long as got hope can liao, the boys dun wanna become man, tt's not gonna be my problem anyway, i can juz sit back & laugh.... =p

End of Entry

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Dark Dayz in Life

Actually wanted to write 'darkest dayz in life' but realized tt i cant do it, cos in the future confirm got even darker days waiting behind.. Since life is a struggle & fighting process, then i think things will get tougher as days goes by.. Which of course makes us 'stronger' in a certain way, adapting to the hardships & challenges..

There is lots of types of hardships in the world today, i can divide them as financial difficulties, relationship problems, self-serving problems, and even many more... In amongst all these, i realize i haf every single one of them... Though i should not complain cos there r always ppl who r more unfortunate than me but there is one very simple question i juz cant simply avoid/ ignore...

Can i survive in this world in the future? By 'survive' i mean everything above; Financially, emotionally, psychologically etc

Frenz who r reading this entry, & yet not my age yet, u can ignore it or think abt it but actually this is the real world.. (This is very controversial, depending on ur own point of view & which stage of life u r in) Yes, every1 views this world differently but my view is not of the extremists & in fact, i m actually looking in an objective point of view.

I dunno whether i can survive or not... Even if i haf a degree, i m facing immense competition.. I doubt i can get Honours Degree judging from my results so far apparently to many others in Acc Faculty, & though i intend to Minor in Chinese, i dunno whether it is of any value or not cos There r ppl taking Double specialisation degrees now in Acc & moreover, there r competitors from SMU as well... Wah, Fuck!! Can i really survive? My degree may be worthless by then.. It is cheaper for an org to hire a Poly grad to do low-level jobs such as book-keeping etc. i.e. if i cant secure a position for a high level job, then most likely low level will be taken by Poly-grads due to lower cost. So it's really an irony; u study so hard, fighting like shit to get a degree but it no longer serves as a guarantee ticket to employment; unlike what my parents told me when i was young. So the feeling of studying in Uni now still makes me insecure; above all, it makes me lose focus & intention. If there isn't any value in the ultimate outcome, can u stay focused? Who says tt degree is a sure tick to employment? & also, my relationship with bro is not close, i can imagine in the future tt aft my parents pass away, me & bro like no longer family.. Tt is rather pathetic. Amongst all these future problems, Lets get back to present; I can no longer enjoy what i like doing most: Dancing

It can no longer be pure as before... Though i really dun wish to attribute blame to others, but i haf to say tt its them who make it like this. It wasn't like this in the past when i used to dance with my seniors. Frenz reading this; Honestly speaking touch ur heart & answer, who now in DI can practise until sweat like hell but still v enthu & dun complain abt fatigue? Pathetically almost none... Ppl now regardless in DI or NHSS dun prac unless pushed by seniors/ Mr Low himself...

NO!!!!! It shouldnt be this way.. It used to be: Ppl prac on their own till damn tired, Mr Low comes in, does simple coordination, minor corrections, then moves on to teach other ppl... He does not need to give special/additional attention to ppl who haf 'grown up'; even more particularly those who haf graduated from sec sch... Everything in DI is auto-run, self-initiated, not afraid to admit mistakes.. Adapt to changes appropriately

The situation now: Included many ppl from sec sch who in my view, claims to be enthu in dance, but in reality, i dun think they deserve to claim 'enthu & passionate'. Take a look at other troupes, u will understand y i made tt remark... Prac so little, complain so much, slack so much & worst, Dun adjust to mistakes... Corrections made were rendered useless eventually... Full-up 3-4 times, the same mistake still exists.. Dunno is dancers stuborn or wat....


In this scenario, pls lah; i wanna dance with a small group of interested ppl oso v difficult.... Tt's why i say i can no longer enjoy fully what i like most... The sad thing is i know i cant force ppl to be passionate abt dance, so how? what can i do? I seriously dunno... Is like i haf to adjust myself to the 'crowd' but i juz cant take it lying down honestly... Esp when i know Mr Low oso wants things to turn for the better...(Cos this means the prob is really not with me, Mr Low oso see the prob is with the dancers) Everytime we talk & i realize he still has not changed, it juz makes me feel so sad tt actually he has already written down his expectations & yet those ppl r still unaware of it, and remain self-conceited...


Why is it dark dayz in life? Cos i dun see any light... I mean i dunno if i can survive in the Future, & i cant fully enjoy every single moment of Present, ain't i juz living aimlessly? Future or present, i oso cant live life to fullest... The reason i m alive is becos i really dun wanna lose out in the fight against life... I will wait till the tide is over, but honestly, i oso f***ing dunno when it will be over... The most interesting part is i haf not start working yet so the darkest part is not even here & yet i m waiting for shine... Haha.... F***ing lame....


I dunno how m i going to go thru this phase in Life... Maybe when i look back, i oso can be amazed if i could survive this.....

End of Entry

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Study Life/ Working Life

Today is 30 Aug '05. I m in Yr 2 Acc, damn busy recently, dun even haf time to sleep.. N sigh, it's really sleep... Last time in NS dun sleep oso can, now cant do it liao, really getting old.. Life is so busy, work is piling up & yet i m slacking... Why m i slacking? Actually if i were analyse myself now using the theory of Heuristics & Biases in Decision Making, i can diagonise y i m slacking...

Cos the work is so hard & comes in Quantity, i cant clear in time.. Once work cant be cleared in time, it affects my confidence level in coping with new chapters, since the old ones haf not been cleared yet, hence the replication goes on and when confidence level drops, the relunctance to do work sets in & again work cant be cleared in time... I den end up in a vicious cycle. Of course all these can be attributed to a form of excuses but actually, i really v tired... As usual, amidst my fatigue, i go back NHDS to chill out but Alas! Recently NHSS no dance, so i sianz diao...

Study Life & Working life r both hard... Amidst my busy life recently, really rather alone... As written in my previous entry, alone is a status while lonely is a feeling... But yuan lai busy working life/ study life leave u with v little time with true frenz... In an attempt to meet up with frenz recently, i realized tt every1 is busy, we dun even get to meet...

Welcome to the adult world... Every1 is busy with routine life, its already considered a luxury to be able to meet up with frenz & chat over a meal... Being in the real world is really tiring.. =(

End of Entry

Monday, August 22, 2005

Dance, Performing Arts is My Life?

Time is 2005, my 2nd yr in NTU Acc. Life has been tough recently, other than busy with sch work, Modern Jazz, still got Theatre Practise Rehearsals, which r a killer. Rehearse till 11 pm, reach home no need do work liao... Lagging behind in my studies..

Actually i am seriously very surprised typing this entry. I remember tagging on my own tagboard saying tt: Anyone wanna/ need to put up a perf lately cos i got lots of ideas recently? It's really true, I somehow realized tt subconsciously maybe i cant live w/o dance liao... I oso dunno what happen to me. Actually, it is more of an ECA to me liao, as compared to the past.. I realized recently whenever i am tighted down by work & i get v stressed & frustrated, i end up choreographing dance works. Yes, The reason y i have so many ideas recently, ironically is becos my studies are really too much liao... There is so much work in school, so many readings, so little time, & the ironic thing is tt I managed to choreograph dance works in such a situation? M I mad or what?

The logical/ rational reason i can think of is tt Dance maybe to me, is no longer just an ECA, it is a form of stress relieve for me liao... Maybe put it selfishly, i go back NHDS, even if i dun do anything, I oso feel more at ease & more relaxed - As compared to going home & study/ face the 4 walls. Maybe doing choreography relieves my stress, i oso not sure...

I m juz shocked by myself tt i managed to come up with so many ideas in the past 3 weeks... Some of them belong to E-sphere of dance, some belong to A-sphere. Wah lau, last time think till head crack oso cant get 1 idea, now i haf so many of them... Overflow ah... I shall list them down, next time no ideas liao can come back to refer this entry.. They are: Maksim 2 pieces, H.O.T Outside Castle + I Yah, OP.T + Enter the dragon, Woo Hyuk Do or Die, Rain It's Raining, Black Beat Dangerous, Don't Phunk with my Heart, Ciara Hotline, Multi Shinhwa tracks etc.

Actually i now wish to do lots of dance-related things.. Was honestly quite surprised tt got ppl in this current NHDS interested in dance choreography. Haha, was quite consoling to know tt Juncheng & Wei Hong they all so enthu to participate/ org a workshop for this. Actually this phenomenon muz thank Sam. He org the leadership workshop so successfully, it gave me an idea of going back to NHDS once again to help out. Honestly, i feel tt i know lots of things the students now dunno lah( w.r.t dance) so actually i wish to teach them all i know.. I dont wish to keep all these things i know cos eventually when i leave, there is no continuation, so whats the pt? Knowledge passed on then is useful.. I can actually understand now why old ppl such as my dad is so naggy sometimes & keeps repeating their life stories. Becos there is really so much knowledge in it, as long as I go ask, i can find out lots of interesting things. I find tt i really getting old liao, cos i really got this mentality now, the eager urge to pass on whatever i know, like as if i gonna die tml like tt =p My best ideal is really we got 1 day, can got many many of us Ex-NHDS Dancers go back to NHDS one day during Dance camp, & sit down talk cock.. Imagine got stay overnight in sch, then we grads can sit in Canteen/ wherever & talk till morning.. Go 7-Eleven buy drinks come back oso good... Got car laggy better, drive ard den come back again.. Sigh, Dunno whether this day will come or not... Getting crappy liao...

I think this batch of 1989's quite interesting.. I sincerely feel they unique in their own ways lah, & looking at their immediate juniors, i feel tt they r even better.. I mean, it's true & i m not sacarstic. U put good & poor side by side, Good will appear even Better. It's natural. It would be best if i could groom a whole big bunch of independent students in this batch.

Current Status: Getting Mad as the dayz pass by; Realize what role Dance is playing in my life; realize i getting old; sudden urge to on-pass whatever F*** I know...

End of Entry

Monday, August 08, 2005

Human Beings today?

Time is 8th Aug '05, 10:30 pm... Actually i dunno at this point of time what i wanna blog... Felt a bit odd cos lots of things happened lately... I really dunno how/ what to express how i feel.. I decided to write essays ba, since essays r my way of letting feelings flow...
This essay below started few days ago, finished it today...

Basically didnt know what to write, it was juz a pure flow of my emotions... When i wrote, i seriously felt a little sad... I really input the 'sad' & 'sorrow' feelings into this essay...
I felt these emotions when i read some1's blog, (N/B: My essay is 100% fictional, dun read in between the lines), i could clearly feel the sadness & sorrow in the entry... Unable to do anything to help at all, i decided to write such an essay... Dunno who will read this essay of mine & i oso dunno how readers will interpret it but I sincerely say tt i dun haf any ill intentions at all...

Realized tt other ppl's entries can also influence my moods actually....

End of Entry
(痛、苦、悲、绝)

(一)
她、 一位文静的女子,一头漆黑的头发,一双明亮的眼睛,眼中却流露出愤世嫉俗的眼神。那眼神仿佛替她本人穿上了一层隔膜,企图将她与世隔绝。高佻的身材, 清秀的脸孔,眼神流露出丝丝的恨意,然而恨意之中却搀杂着无限的痛苦。这一切的痛苦即使在恨意的掩饰下也还是无所遁行。沿着手臂可以清楚地看到一道道的伤 痕。这些伤痕显然都是被 刀割的。 每一道伤痕都叙述着一段痛苦的故事,每一道伤痕都充满著深深的悲伤。在命运无情的摧残下,原本纯真,未经世道的她历经了无法想象的痛苦,体验了悲伤失落的 感觉。每当悲伤失落却又毫无依靠时,她便会用刀子在自己原本毫无瑕疵的手臂划上一刀。这一刀并不如何迅速,相反的,非常的慢。她仿佛在清楚地体会“痛”的 感觉,感受着刀锋划过肌肤的那一霎那,让鲜红的血一滴一滴流过雪白的肌肤。这涌流不止的鲜血似乎暗喻了她那永无止境的悲伤与痛。每一滴鲜红的血,都包含了 无限的黯然神伤,无限的苦与痛。然而,即使血在流,她也毫无感觉,只因躯体的痛早已远远不及她心灵上所受的煎熬。

渐渐地,手臂上的伤痕逐 渐增加。饱受煎 熬的她,眼神中的纯真与无邪逐渐褪去。取而代之的是对世间的不平的丝丝恨意。但是,在自残身躯的每一刻,心中的悲痛都没有丝毫减少。 其实,一切的恨意都是掩饰,她内心深处是那么渴望能有一个可以躲避所有风风雨雨的避风港。但是,朋友的承诺无法兑现,情人的誓言落空了,亲人的无私荡然无 存...... 她开始对人类的情感失去信心,身边亦逐渐竖起一层隔膜,将她与世界隔绝。在毫无依靠的情形下,肉体上的痛成了她抒解压力的唯一管道。她失落地祈求肉体上所 承受的痛能减少她内心的寂寞与悲伤。

悲伤的感觉经历岁月的蹉跎,渐渐成了绝望。即使地球仍继续在转,黎明与黄昏不断,黑夜与白昼轮流交 替,她还是停留在自己的世界里,无视于时间的流失。滴 答、滴答、滴答,血仍不停地流着,滴在雪白的长裙上...... 她静静地走在雪地上,对于躯体的疼痛已无任何反应。滴答、滴答、滴答;鲜红的血随即染红了整个雪地。伤痛是否已不再重要?抑或是心中的伤口已无法抚平?即 使在隔膜外,还有人在默默守候着,等待着进入她的世界?

血海般的雪地为这个冬天染上了悲哀、凄凉且黯然的色彩......
情仍存在于世间......

Monday, August 01, 2005

A Rather Different Phase in Dance (Part II)

Juz now dunno why juz keep writing abt NHDS, i think is linked becos of the phase i m now in ba...
In my current phase, 2005, with appreciation to Jeff Tan: I haf received teachings from Rudolf Laban, since Jeff graduated from Laban Art of Movement Centre..

As i keep learning, i shall pen down important notes in point form, hopefully i can remind myself now & then... Frenz who by chance read my entries, pls dun Copy & Paste due to Copyrights issue.. Actually i know u ppl wont lah, juz write tt line so tt in case anything happen, at least i gave warning b4 mah... But frenz reading, i welcome u all to discuss these points with me if u all interested... =)

  • Dance is a 3-stranded subject, namely performing, making, and apreciating dance. N effective work in any one area is dependent on the other two. Experiencing dance can be thru practical doing but these has its shortcomings. They r: the lack of link with dance as a theatre art, excessive concentration on personal development, no acquisition of skills on how to appreciate/ appraise Dance works.

  • Focus on Creativity or Technical Skills? 60-40? 50-50? 30-70? No model ans.

  • In educating dancers, five aims should be achieved as much as possible. Sensitivity to quality, acquisition of skill & confidence, acquaintance with the creative process as an exp of dance choreography, knowledge of and accuracy in spatial environment, last but not least, enjoyment of dance works.

From the above context, i can be aware of NHDS dancers are how far behind in the entire route to autonomy. Mr Low trains students to be self-problem solving, emphasizes on creativity, helping them step by step to be independent. It's a 2-sided affair. Even up till the stage where he demmed students to be fully independent liao, as students, i still think tt we should remain humble & keep on learning.. As Daryl had once said, i quote him; He dislikes ppl who disown their roots & refuses to acknowledge the roots (As if being an ex-NHDS Dancer is a disgraceful thing). I agree tt some NHDS ppl do behave like tt. NH dancers are really still v far behind.. I sincerely hope tt they may be able to adv in leaps & bounds, cos honestly, they r very weak now... I wish to see something with much effort input in this Year's Dance Camp. After this batch of Sec 4s grad, i dunno how things will fall apart...
Frenz, feel free to discuss above points with me.. =)

End of Entry
A Rather Different Phase in Dance (Part I)

Time is 2005, i haf entered into another world from 05 onwards, as stated in previous entries, Zhongyi u would haf realized tt u haf now been alone taking this path... U haf been rather tired/ sick/ disappointed to look at NHDS as its future outlook is rather bleak... Dunno how things will turn out, seriously oso dunno how i myself can help them... Brainwashing & influencing is possible but it really is time-consuming & requires lots of energy to do it.. Supervision in their progress (whether maturity/ techniques/ upholding traditions etc) is extremely tiring & practically impossible for me to carry out... i where got time to go look at them & supervise? 1 week i think i can only go back 1 day now lor..

Honestly, i shall pen down my feelings tonight, though i may haf written in past entries.. I dunno, i forgot... NHDS: A place i grew up, increased in confidence level, leadership skills, learnt e importance of teamwork, enjoyed the fruits of labour, knew many wonderful friends, some of which haf left my social circle ever since we graduated, but the memories were really fine.. Though they did not enthu dance like me, they still did their job... I mean, yah it was still a job, they were being responsible & professional... Friends, u all were great...

But now the NHDS: Intro politics, dun respect seniors/ authority (i mean u dun like chairman or whoever, still give face lah, dun need to openly defy one mah..), think so fully of themselves, erosion of traditions & practices & worst: dunno how BIG is the world outside... I mean nothing can be worst if u dunno how BIG the world is... Gonna suffer if next time exposed to the outside world.. Eg. If u know ur weaknesses, at least can try to cover during auditions so tt u dun show it out.. If u know ur strengths, u can try to impress the instructor holding e audition by emphazing on ur strengths...

Realy v sad to c the place where i haf grown up turned into lidat... Really sad, more so when i know i cannot do anything to salvage the situation.. Sad/ Disappointed...

End of Part I

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Types & Factors (Dance)

This entry is blogged in July'05. I have went thru quite lots of thinking and self-dilemmas these past few months.. So actually i think i may haf the ans liao, though i may fret over this issue once again in future, but shall juz jot down whatever i thot of today, at this pt of time...

Types of Dance matters: Its not a one size-fits-all criteria.
1stly, Divide into A-sphere & E-sphere *Note tt some cant be divided.. It's a mix sometimes.
Classical Ballet, Modern Ballet, Modern, Post-Modern, Dance Theatrical, Japanese Wu-Ta, Irish Tic-Tac, Tango, Salsa, Ballroom, Hip Hop, Breakdance, Pop, Kick-Box+Aerobics, Various Cultural Dances, etc

Different types uses different factors... Remember this...
Ur factors include: Nature of e type of Dance, Origin of e type of Dance, Costumes, Lighting, What kind of stage? (Note this extremely impt, curtain/ no curtain, street stage, or theatre staging, indoor/ outdoor etc) Also, distance betw performers & audience. Props usage, Overall Stage presentation, Synchronization. Lastly den look at Techniques, & Steps Choreography... Look at difficulty/ risk level of steps too..

Applying above to dance choreography as well, A dance choreographer please run these factors thru when u r doing choreography... All factors will affect whether eventual performance is good or not.... Eg. Isolation-electric does not look impressive & nice when in far range

Remember: Always look at type 1st, den look at all factors, zoom in to Technique & Steps Choreography last... Becos Technique, Steps & Synchronization if all cannot make it, it would have already affected the Overall Stage presentation, so those factors in a certain way were already considered once b4 they were examined individually again... There is oso a difference in appraising the dancers themselves/ the dance itself

With reminder
End of Entry

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Thoughts aft viewing SAJC Rapture '05

The day is 24 July, i juz went to Kallang Theatre to view SAJC Rapture'05. On the whole, i seriously learnt alot... Though these things i already know but when i see it 4 myself in real life, it still has an impact. N/B: Daryl's cousin is in rapture as well, as part of SAJC dance alumni, since she's 2 yrs younger than me. She's oso a NH Dancer & SAJC Dancer, ie. she walked thru rather similar steps with me in Dance, juz tt Zaki only came in as instructor when i was JC2.

Yesterday, had a talk with her, & on top of it, i watched Rapture, which made me had thoughts abt 'Dance' again.. Basically, She compared Zaki & Mr Low together, NHDS & SAJC Dance respectively. I told her it was unfair 2 compare these 2 becos the mechanisms in both schools r different. In NHDS, students who join r mostly unwilling.. Next, out of all those students, at most a 20% has exp in dancing. Out of the 100+ students in NHDS, maybe eventually only 20% will wanna learn how to choreograph a dance. Hence, the mechanism tt Mr Low puts in is: To transform a non-dancer into a performer (it's not even a dancer, juz a performer, a person who has exp standing on stage, know what is stage presentation etc.) Amidst this, he inputs values into the minds of students, making them mature etc.

In SAJC Dance, as the members r all willing parties + ppl with dance exp + ppl with high level of technique & passion*, they r usually easier to teach/control, easier to absorb dance steps, easier to choreograph a high-difficulty dance for them. Becos they will try their v best to learn, the choreographer can input his 'ideal' choreography w/o worries tt dancers cannot perform e steps eventually.. So out of 40 dancers in SAJC, maybe abt 80% were already dancers back in sec sch dayz. Hence, the mechanism in SAJC Dance is: to transform a dancer into a better dancer. In other words, emphasizes on elitism. This mechanism interests many dancers cos dancers would love to enhance their skills.

Hence, the mechanisms r diff, i told her, it was unfair to compare. Mr Low was not there to train elites. He was there to arouse teenagers' interests in Dance & performing Arts.

Apart from this conversation with her, i had new perspectives when i viewed Rapture '05.
Earlier i mentioned passion* becos these qtn came to my mind: What is a good dance? What is a good dancer? Why Dance? What do u get out of dancing? What is passion?
Well, unarguably, the dancers in SAJC were better than NHDS those ppl but it's becos of selection of dancers were diff. SAJC Dance consists of dancers who were already dancers in sec sch, & participated SYF before etc. So, its no surprise.

My thoughts:
1stly, haf to ans what do e performers & choreographer wish to get out of e dance? This will directly affect the answers to rest of e qtn. If e choreographer wishes to put up a perf juz for his dancers to gain exp, den of course e standard expected is diff. If e dancers juz wanna build bonds & friendship via e dance, den it is oso diff. As compared to: e choreographer wants a 'ideal' standard, eliminates his choice of dancers via auditions, dancers vie for the limited vacancies & train v hard, then e standard expected will be v diff from e 1st case.

2ndly, what is passion? All along i thot passion was passion for dance, yesterday i was proved wrong... Passion oso got differentiation. Passion for learning dance itself (eg. Shi Jian ppl learning Mr Low's things, juz pure like for e learning), passion for performing (regardless drama or whatever, like DI with Shi Jian currently), Passion for attention seeking (eg. dun care like e piece of dance or not, as long as can stand in the front-centre can liao, oso can term as seeking for applause). Passion for being able to knock out others in auditions and remain e elite (though i think this is obsession =p)

These differences in ans to e above qtn will emerge diff kinds of dancers in this world.. The elites, the medicore, the not so good but still enthu ones... My answers to my v own qtn r: I belong to the third cateogory, I hope to learn NEW things out of a dance & i really mean NEW. I haf passion for learning e dance steps itself, (its okie eventually dun get to perform, i mean i learnt quite a few types of Quan Shu in Wushu but i nv get e chance to display them anyway), I haf passion for performing (regardless with Shi Jian drama or with Vierte Gekijio)...

My opinion is tt applause is given depending on who is the audience... Whether the dance/ dancer is good or not depends on who is ur audience & their individual likes too.. If e dancer above is ur child, & e audience r full of parents, applause will definitely be great, their appraisal of e dance will definitely be different... After yesterday, as always AGAIN, i lost track of myself, i dunno what is a good dance/ dancer liao... Sigh, lost again...

Yesterday, some dances put up by SAJC belong to e Entertainment sphere, some belong to Artistic sphere... Apparently, so many clapped when the E-pieces were put up, n when A-pieces were put up, the volume of applause dropped significantly... Their own students put up an item , claiming it to be a Hip-Hop Dance & many cheered.. Honestly, i ponder: the applause was given becos e music used was one tt audience were familiar (eg. Destiny Child), or was it becos of e dance itself or becos ur frenz r dancing in it? I seriously dunno cos when their guest performers (3 grps: NUS Dance Ensemble, VJC Dance Club & an outside breakdance troupe called Floor Technique grp) put up performences, the standard was quite good but the vol of applause dropped significantly...
Esp the Floor technique group.. Wah lau, since they cheered so loud for their SAJC Hip-Hop dance, i initially thot they were into Hip-Hop. But when FTG performed, they did quite alot of high-level difficulty stunts(both breakdance & Hip-hop) which in my opinion were more high level, yet nobody cheered.. End up only me, Zhenyu & Daryl cheer, as if only we knew the difficulty level of those stunts performed... Pls lor, i really ponder: Does applause really represent e standard of e dance?

After yesterday, i got lost again, as always....
How to differentiate a dance/ dancer? Why do some ppl dance?
All tt was mentioned above r all my personal opinions, making them ineligible for negligent misstatements & defamation..

Mind in Chaos
End of Entry

Saturday, July 23, 2005

My 3rd Essay 2005 (named Free to Fly)

This essay was written over 1 night... Surprisingly, i did it on the spot w/o much thinking... A pure flow of feelings.. Hence, the sentences may not link, & when i return in the future to read this entry again, i may find this piece of work a trash & non-sensical... But still, Zhongyi, u did it over 1 night after u heard H.O.T - Free to fly... Try to recall the feelings u haf when u heard this song...

Hence, the essay was juz a pure flow of ur interpretation of whatever u felt when u heard this song... Whether it makes sense or not already does not matter... If there is any reader out there oso reading this essay, again, feel free to comment & pls forgive my lack of skill in this essay.. I know the structure of e essay is not correct, but still it was juz a flow of whatever feelings the song gave me when i heard it... Becos the song is in Korean, i dun even understand what they singing, hence it was my own interpretation..

I felt very relieved & happy when i finished writing it cos i managed to express what i felt the song told me.... Purely a work of emotions w/o any work of literature...

End of Entry
<<孤单起飞-序>>


‘孤单’与‘寂寞’是两种截然不同的感觉,不能混为一谈。虽然两者都是指一个人独 处时的感觉,但基本上两者却有天壤之别。‘寂寞’纯粹是一种消极的态度, 只要转眼之间有人陪,这种感觉便会消失。换句话说,这种感觉是被动的,关键取决于是否有人陪伴在身旁。‘孤单’却不一样。‘孤单’是主动的,是一种含有傲 气的感觉,并且搀杂着‘自由’的味道。‘孤’原是指王者的意思,‘单’则是单一的意思,‘独’亦取意自独一无二。所以,‘孤单’、‘孤独’都是含有傲气的 感觉。‘孤单’与‘孤独’也有一点小差别。之前提到‘孤单’除了含有傲气,还搀杂着‘自由’的味道-- 所谓单飞便是有着脱离旧束缚的意思。‘孤独’却是纯粹傲视当世、无人匹敌的一种感觉--金庸笔下的无敌英雄便是一位名为独孤求败的剑客。由此可见,‘孤独 ’的感觉又与‘孤单’不同了。

这篇作品是我在听完一首歌曲后有感而写的。歌曲是韩国歌曲,我听不懂其歌词在唱什么。但它的曲却让我有所感 触,心中涌出了微妙的情感,使我有一股冲动想写 作。所以,这篇作品其中的意境和想要表达的感觉只可意会而不能言传。读者会不会判断我的作品到底好不好,关键在于读者是否能心领神会,联想到歌曲以及我当 时写作的心情。顺便一提,歌曲是Free to Fly - H.O.T
孤单起飞

在夜深人静的时候,我会不自觉地感到孤单。这是因为夜晚是多么地幽静,毫无杂音的。我甚至连自己的呼吸、心跳声,都能听得一清二 楚。一切都十分平静,没有 任何动静,也无任何声音。繁忙的都市已进入沉睡状态了。尘埃都已沉淀,街上也已瞧不见川流不息的行人。这样的一个黑夜只会让我更深切地体会到‘孤单’到底 是什么感觉。

我在独自一个人时,会觉得孤单。夜阑人静时,一切声音的静止,让我感到仿佛全世界只剩我一人。这份感觉的浮生是归于黑夜的寂 静。当我连自己的呼吸、心跳声,都能听得一清二 楚时,这会让我有种被释放的感觉,我仿佛可以自由自在地在黑夜苍穹底下翱翔。无论我做什么都不会有人在旁议论纷纷,我是完全自由的。除了行为能不被拘束之 外,能挣脱这个世界也是另一种自由。

这 残酷的世界存在著许多不愉快的事。战争、瘟疫、疾病、仇恨、妒嫉、金钱与权力的斗争,破裂家庭等等。当黑夜降临时,那一片寂静好似宣告所有不愉快的事都已 结束。我深切地体验到‘孤单’的感觉:一个人存在著,没有别人,没有其他生物,没有人间的丑陋,没有被污染的环境,没有勾心斗角,没有生离死 别......

微 风吹过我的脸颊,风声不急也不缓。风,不携带着任何感情、任何杀伤力,轻轻飘过我,与我擦身而过。无形的风不会因为我阻挡了它的去路,而伤害我,它只会 另觅航道。过程中也不忘与身旁的我分享那份飘逸清凉的感觉。它是那么地柔和,且又那么地无私,毫不吝啬地与其他人分享自己所拥有的......
繁 星在星 空上不停闪烁,仿佛在互相交谈,呈现一片祥和的气氛。繁星多不胜数,但每一颗却只是安静地在那儿默默守候着,并没有心机想与其他星星争辉。繁星是 永恒不变的,它们会永远守候在星空上,不会消失,好似对恋人的承诺一样;不论是否被辜负了,它们依然保持著永恒不变的心态,在漫长的岁月里守护着,直至自 己燃烧炱尽......
云朵漂移在黑夜的天空上,感觉好不自在啊!云聚散无常,它也不会因为被冲散了而愤怒,只是静静地保持著相同的状态。面对被 冲散的 命运,它也没有怨言,仍静 静地面对离别。当云朵都化成雨点降落大地时,雨水又会聚在一起,渐而形成云朵。云在面对着聚散离合时是最平静的:离别时没有丝毫的怨恨、也无任何遗憾;聚 积时也没有狂喜。它是如此平静地存在著,更不会怨天尤人,责备它自己的命运......

夜 晚让我深深地感应到这一切,让我不由自主地浮生了许多感触。在这孤单的夜里,我实实在在地自由了!远离这个世界,无拘无束地在天空中翱翔;脱离了所有悲 伤,治愈了所有破碎的心,抚平了所有的伤口,擦干了所有的眼泪,点燃了所有的生命,处处一片温馨...... 虽然这份孤单只是存在于短暂的一片黑暗寂静,但是‘它’确实存在过。就好比流星划过天际的那一瞬间,虽在下一秒已消失无影,却已在观星者的脑海中留下了美 丽的画面~~~

夜,是那么地宁静;孤单的感觉是那么地深切;挣脱世间的一切在繁星点点的天空中飞翔是那么地自由......

Monday, July 18, 2005

My 2nd Essay in 2005

Well, v happy that i still haf time to write essays... Recently these essays were done becos i haf holidays... To recall, these essays done in 2005 were due to the reason of having 2 months of holidays aft Yr 1 in NTU Acc.. After holidays, may not haf the time to write essays anyway...

This 2nd essay oso took abt 3 days, though 1st day listen to music only, nv do any typing at all..
This essay was due to 2 songs i heard, namely Jiang Nan - Lin JJ & Dong Feng Po - Jay Chou.
By combining both songs, i got my thoughts from there...
So anyone reading my essays again, pls feel free to comment... As usual, my email add is in my previous essay below... Juz check out tt entry.. Feel free to shoot... =)

The direct entry below: titled Si Nian - Xu is like a foreword to my essay... Tt's like supposed to be read in congruent with the essay... Well, whether it is more suitable to be read b4/after the essay, i leave it to personal feel...
Enjoy!!!!!

Satisfied again
End of Entry
<<思念-序>>

只道无情却有情,情到浓时情转薄
看似无情却有情,有情总被无情伤
多情自古空余恨,此恨绵绵无绝期

春蚕到死丝方尽,蜡炬成灰泪始干

疲倦的街灯,破晓前一盏一盏熄灭
我踩尽油门,迎着风整夜都无法入眠
阳光从地平线开始蔓延
我还留在黑暗的边缘
太茫然的心,忘记了时间
停搁在最后的画面

在黎明破晓前
你终于说出,我们的爱情没有明天
是谁的出现,该谁说再见
写好的剧本摆在眼前

在黎明破晓前
沉默的侧面,是如此美丽,如此遥远
你带走一切,抽空了世界,
是这一生最冷的夏天
思念

夜黑风高的一个晚上,皎洁的弯月高挂在漆黑的天空上。只见一个人在一道毫无人烟的街上行走,走着走着,不知不觉间走到了街道的尽头。他向左转一转,竟转到了另一条小巷。谁又知道这么污秽不堪的小巷隐藏了多少心酸、多少缠绵~~~

他 走着走着,忽然在一个毫不起眼的角落坐了下来。他摸着墙壁,仿佛在寻找些什么。粗糙的双手,满脸的皱纹仿佛是他历尽沧桑的证明。粗糙的手在墙上摸着,忽然 摸到陷下去的一部分。原来是刻了几行字。随着字行的笔划,隐约可以知道墙上到底写些什么。是一对恋人对彼此的海誓山盟~~~ 此时,过往的回忆渐渐在他的脑 海里浮现......

他 们两人彼此深爱着对方,相信贫富之间的距离也无法将他俩分开。这便是他们少年时所坚信不移的。在热恋中的他们认为只要能与对方在一起,即使只是短暂的一 秒,那一秒已足以抵过永远。当然,就像所有热恋中的年轻人一样,他们向彼此承诺,立下了海誓山盟。身为富家小姐的她,因为家庭的束缚,常常要偷偷地跑出来 与他见面。这一条小巷便是他们相见的地方。坚信爱情永不褪色的他们就在这道墙上刻下了对彼此之间的承诺。

然 而,随着岁月的流失,两人逐渐了解到爱情的无常。就在某年某月某一天,别恋的她选择了离开,遗弃了长久的爱情。那时候正是夏天,太阳却不如何强烈。往事不 堪回首,此时正在角落坐着的他模模糊糊说道:“你走的那某一天,带走了我的一切,抽空了世界,是我这一生最冷的夏天......” 仿佛要重演当天的情境似的,冷飕飕的风此时无情地刮过他的身旁,着寒的不止是他的人。他的心、灵魂、甚至所有人类应有的情感都似乎在那一天被冻结冰封起来 了。冷风仍无情地袭来,但风虽寒,却远远不如他那颗早已冻僵了的心。毫无人烟的街道、暗淡的街灯、寒冷的晚风,使整个气氛越加凄凉、越加孤独。这样的一个 夜晚,寂寞的感觉就越明显。陪伴着寂寞而来的便是对过往一切美好回忆的思念。

但不论思念有多浓,遗留下来的只有一份悲痛与无奈。冻结了所 有情感,使得他欲哭无泪,心中亦仿佛不再滴血。无泪的他抬头一望,天竟忽然下起倾盆大雨,仿佛 在为他的爱情哀悼。尽管风再寒,雨再大,也吹不走、洗不去那一份悲痛与无奈。他是那么渴望自己早已葬在她离开的那一天...... 回想一下,今天刚好十年~~~

此时,雨依然下着,风依旧刮着,黑夜也还是持续着,冻结的心在寒冷的这一个夜晚敷上了一层霜,寒意更重了...... 墙上的海誓山盟还残留着,人却已离开了......

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Age gap/ What i really enjoyed doing

Today is 14 July'05, a thursday which haf no dance prac in NHSS... However , Wei hong they all v enthu/ got initiative, they org a dance prac 4 the new version of Forging Ahead...
So, as the actual perf is finally coming, i decided to go down help. Though i decided to myself b4 tt due to age gap, i will juz c c look look but anyway, since i m the 1 who has more knowledge abt Forging Ahead, juz go help lor.. Cos i decided to help only last min cos i initally thot tt they would be able to work things out in time, but e situation proved otherwise... But anyway i went there to help...

Dunno what will be their response towards me aft today but i seriously think age gap is widening all e way liao... Why cant these kids ans my questions truthfully? Sigh... Is tt e prob with e kids nowadays? Hoping 4 a model ans 4 every qtn posted? Sigh... Dun wanna dwell too much on this cos dun want nxt time when i read this entry i get reminded of those details...

Due to widening of age gap, i sincerely feel tt i can do no more to help NHDS liao... Cos actually i would wish to help as much as possible... I realized today tt actually though i wanna resume c c look look status (is becos i dun wanna ppl to think tt I m holding on to whatever 'power' & not letting go), but honestly, the thing i enjoy doing is really coaching... But due to the brain structure of these type of kids nowadays, i dunno whether in future i still haf chance to do wat i like? I seriously wish to help out once more lastly in 2006.. Aft tt, i remove myself from the surface of NHSS... But can this be fulfilled? Actually the hope is v slim....
Widening of gap actually implies tt i can no longer understand their thinking... Honestly, 4 the past few 2 yrs ever since i knew Shin-13 ppl, i felt tt i should go mingle with ppl younger than me & know what their world is abt, cos honestly, actually i oso dun like e world i m currently in now lah(the uni grad & working force world), but aft my efforts these 2 years, i encountered disappointments, loss of hope etc. I realised lots of things, maybe juz name a few eg here - They introduce politics at such a young age, They dun treat performing arts seriously/sincerely..

So actually i v sian to c those bunch of kids not giving their full heart to dance... Eg. If u still got time 4 politics, how is it possible u give ur full heart to dance?

Read some entries in the NHDS blog, they were saying abt missing dance & all sorts of touching stuff.. But seriously, what they said was so true which is till today i still go back to NHSS.. Cos even after 6 yrs since 1999, i still go back... I know why i go back... Other than helping NHDS & immersing myself into the dance atmosphere, it's oso a chill out place 4 me, so tt i can avoid the outside world at least 4 a while... I believe when they leave & meet e real world, they will sincerely feel tt NHDS dance practice is a heaven kinda of place... Hence i was so disappointed cos all along i myself treated it as a chill out place which is so called 'pure' like heaven, cos only purity exists mah... Whether is pure tiredness, pure friendship, pure hardship, pure feeling etc.. But to me, now tt place is so scary... so unsafe with theft, mischief etc... So sian... Now e issue is the thing i enjoy doing most can no longer be done in a place i like...

Bottomline: How long can i last in NHSS? The sch tt once brought me up.... How long more can i really do the thing i enjoy most?

Void of all feelings
End of Entry

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

My 1st Essay out in the Open 2005

Well, didnt write 4 very long liao.. Decided tt i can use my blog to do something i like to.. Writing Essays. Really didnt touch essays 4 a v long time liao... It's been 3+ years since 2002.. Since i haf a blog now, i decided to write again, aft all, nobody would read it, nobody will mark it & give me points like back in sch days, i can juz write when i feel like it... Got chance to publish my works w/o giving those bookshops $$, why wouldnt i try it in my own blog?

The entry below "The Piano & Lover" is my latest piece of work. I spent 3 days doing it, correcting it here & there as well... Phew! Long time nv write essay, didnt realise its so tedious.. 3 dayz i took, didnt even enter any entry in my blog the past 3 days... Did the essays at night cos at night can think more sentimentally... As it was meant to be an essay, i skipped many parts cos its was not meant to be a novel, only an essay, hence for the short length... Anybody who is reading it pls excuse me for the short length of the essay.. I wanted to write more but if i do, i think it would take weeks instead of 3 days.. Moreover, i think i not cut out for doing novels, hence decide to juz write essays n keep the length short...

Friends or whoever reading it pls feel free to give me ur comments.. Cos i long time nv write liao, scared i lost touch with the feel for writing essay... Ok, if u dun believe, i believe tt writing essay oso like my dance, muz got feel tt can one... =) U r free to email me ur comments too at beachboys_frenz@yahoo.com.sg Above all, pls dun think tt i wrote this essay especially for who so ever in my life... I wrote this becos of some thoughts(ling gan) i haf after listening to these 3 songs, which i m gonna recommend as well... I decided to combine some elements in these 3 songs & come up with a story of my own... I got my ling gan from the following elements

Thanks & acknowledgement to these songs:
Alex To - Yuan Lai Wo Love U so much (lyrics + MV)
Lin JJ - Yi Qian Nian Yi Hou(lyrics)
Nicholas Tse - Let Me Die (lyrics)

U may wish to read my essay while listening to these 3 songs.. =) I did my essay when listening to these 3 songs & repeating every track so as to keep my thoughts/feeling flowing...
If readers(if any) had noticed, i wrote the entire essay using the 'I' &'She' perspective.. The entire essay does not include any names at all.. Cos i would like any readers out there to be able to relate themselves to the story using the 'I' &'She' perspective, hence i declined to use any names at all in the entire essay...

Yup, so my 1st piece of work since i grad from JC, published in my very own blog.. Once again, any readers out there, feel free to comment... I oso dunno my standard drop already or not... Better still if friends can help me intro my essay to any1 u know(regardless male/female) & let me know their response as well.. Honestly speaking, similar to dancing, i will feel most appreciated if my works can touch my readers'/audiences' hearts.... Tt's my greatest satisfaction... =) Really v long nv write essay liao... the feeling of completing an essay is so good, esp nobody gives me title, no nothing at all... Ling gan all come from my own searching...


End of entry
Satisfied with myself 4 being able to come up with an essay via 3 songs
Lyrics

原來我LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Alex To

直到現在我才發現
愛你有多深
不管哪裡都有我和你的回憶
一切早已無所謂
所有痛過的痕跡
我想念你想念過去
沒有人能把你代替
再重來甜和苦
我願共度baby say the I love you

原來我還love you so much
沒有了你就沒有我
YEA love you so much
比愛自己還要多
YEA love you so much
想要給你幸福
重愛一次with you
懂不懂懂不懂我的心
懂不懂懂不懂我的心

只想和你在一起
生命才有意義
也許是風也許是雨
我不逃避愛的命運
妳就是我的過去
不管未來到哪裡
一直是妳永遠是妳
我們要讓愛再繼續
我的心不會再改變
妳給我快樂再也沒有誰

原來我還love you so much
不再壓抑真實的我
YEA love you so much
走過時空的交錯
YEA love you so much
不再讓妳孤獨
重愛一次with you
懂不懂懂不懂我的心
懂不懂懂不懂我的心
Lyrics

Let Me Die
Nicholas Tse


Are we at war tonight,
will there be angels whispering to me good night,
don't wake when the lightning strikes
my heart for you is true,
let no one take that from you
time is running tight,
can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

It's time to say fare-well,
No need to cry or feeling sorrow
It's alright, all in the book of life
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can change my world
from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight,
will there be angels whispering to me good night,
don't wake when the lightning strikes
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can give me strength to fight,
till the sky is burning, It's the end of time

look ahead tomorrow, a long and winding road
keep the faith of mine don't let it go
you're the only reason night ain't growing cold
what will I do, without you

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can make my world so bright,
life, no longer empty,
with you in my heart, In my heart



一千年以后
By Lin JJ

心跳乱了节奏
梦也不自由
爱时的绝对承诺不说
沉到一千年以后
放任无奈淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你要的爱
因为在一千年以后
世界早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了我
那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁
解开缠绕千年的寂寞