Types & Factors (Dance)

This entry is blogged in July'05. I have went thru quite lots of thinking and self-dilemmas these past few months.. So actually i think i may haf the ans liao, though i may fret over this issue once again in future, but shall juz jot down whatever i thot of today, at this pt of time...

Types of Dance matters: Its not a one size-fits-all criteria.
1stly, Divide into A-sphere & E-sphere *Note tt some cant be divided.. It's a mix sometimes.
Classical Ballet, Modern Ballet, Modern, Post-Modern, Dance Theatrical, Japanese Wu-Ta, Irish Tic-Tac, Tango, Salsa, Ballroom, Hip Hop, Breakdance, Pop, Kick-Box+Aerobics, Various Cultural Dances, etc

Different types uses different factors... Remember this...
Ur factors include: Nature of e type of Dance, Origin of e type of Dance, Costumes, Lighting, What kind of stage? (Note this extremely impt, curtain/ no curtain, street stage, or theatre staging, indoor/ outdoor etc) Also, distance betw performers & audience. Props usage, Overall Stage presentation, Synchronization. Lastly den look at Techniques, & Steps Choreography... Look at difficulty/ risk level of steps too..

Applying above to dance choreography as well, A dance choreographer please run these factors thru when u r doing choreography... All factors will affect whether eventual performance is good or not.... Eg. Isolation-electric does not look impressive & nice when in far range

Remember: Always look at type 1st, den look at all factors, zoom in to Technique & Steps Choreography last... Becos Technique, Steps & Synchronization if all cannot make it, it would have already affected the Overall Stage presentation, so those factors in a certain way were already considered once b4 they were examined individually again... There is oso a difference in appraising the dancers themselves/ the dance itself

With reminder
End of Entry

Thoughts aft viewing SAJC Rapture '05

The day is 24 July, i juz went to Kallang Theatre to view SAJC Rapture'05. On the whole, i seriously learnt alot... Though these things i already know but when i see it 4 myself in real life, it still has an impact. N/B: Daryl's cousin is in rapture as well, as part of SAJC dance alumni, since she's 2 yrs younger than me. She's oso a NH Dancer & SAJC Dancer, ie. she walked thru rather similar steps with me in Dance, juz tt Zaki only came in as instructor when i was JC2.

Yesterday, had a talk with her, & on top of it, i watched Rapture, which made me had thoughts abt 'Dance' again.. Basically, She compared Zaki & Mr Low together, NHDS & SAJC Dance respectively. I told her it was unfair 2 compare these 2 becos the mechanisms in both schools r different. In NHDS, students who join r mostly unwilling.. Next, out of all those students, at most a 20% has exp in dancing. Out of the 100+ students in NHDS, maybe eventually only 20% will wanna learn how to choreograph a dance. Hence, the mechanism tt Mr Low puts in is: To transform a non-dancer into a performer (it's not even a dancer, juz a performer, a person who has exp standing on stage, know what is stage presentation etc.) Amidst this, he inputs values into the minds of students, making them mature etc.

In SAJC Dance, as the members r all willing parties + ppl with dance exp + ppl with high level of technique & passion*, they r usually easier to teach/control, easier to absorb dance steps, easier to choreograph a high-difficulty dance for them. Becos they will try their v best to learn, the choreographer can input his 'ideal' choreography w/o worries tt dancers cannot perform e steps eventually.. So out of 40 dancers in SAJC, maybe abt 80% were already dancers back in sec sch dayz. Hence, the mechanism in SAJC Dance is: to transform a dancer into a better dancer. In other words, emphasizes on elitism. This mechanism interests many dancers cos dancers would love to enhance their skills.

Hence, the mechanisms r diff, i told her, it was unfair to compare. Mr Low was not there to train elites. He was there to arouse teenagers' interests in Dance & performing Arts.

Apart from this conversation with her, i had new perspectives when i viewed Rapture '05.
Earlier i mentioned passion* becos these qtn came to my mind: What is a good dance? What is a good dancer? Why Dance? What do u get out of dancing? What is passion?
Well, unarguably, the dancers in SAJC were better than NHDS those ppl but it's becos of selection of dancers were diff. SAJC Dance consists of dancers who were already dancers in sec sch, & participated SYF before etc. So, its no surprise.

My thoughts:
1stly, haf to ans what do e performers & choreographer wish to get out of e dance? This will directly affect the answers to rest of e qtn. If e choreographer wishes to put up a perf juz for his dancers to gain exp, den of course e standard expected is diff. If e dancers juz wanna build bonds & friendship via e dance, den it is oso diff. As compared to: e choreographer wants a 'ideal' standard, eliminates his choice of dancers via auditions, dancers vie for the limited vacancies & train v hard, then e standard expected will be v diff from e 1st case.

2ndly, what is passion? All along i thot passion was passion for dance, yesterday i was proved wrong... Passion oso got differentiation. Passion for learning dance itself (eg. Shi Jian ppl learning Mr Low's things, juz pure like for e learning), passion for performing (regardless drama or whatever, like DI with Shi Jian currently), Passion for attention seeking (eg. dun care like e piece of dance or not, as long as can stand in the front-centre can liao, oso can term as seeking for applause). Passion for being able to knock out others in auditions and remain e elite (though i think this is obsession =p)

These differences in ans to e above qtn will emerge diff kinds of dancers in this world.. The elites, the medicore, the not so good but still enthu ones... My answers to my v own qtn r: I belong to the third cateogory, I hope to learn NEW things out of a dance & i really mean NEW. I haf passion for learning e dance steps itself, (its okie eventually dun get to perform, i mean i learnt quite a few types of Quan Shu in Wushu but i nv get e chance to display them anyway), I haf passion for performing (regardless with Shi Jian drama or with Vierte Gekijio)...

My opinion is tt applause is given depending on who is the audience... Whether the dance/ dancer is good or not depends on who is ur audience & their individual likes too.. If e dancer above is ur child, & e audience r full of parents, applause will definitely be great, their appraisal of e dance will definitely be different... After yesterday, as always AGAIN, i lost track of myself, i dunno what is a good dance/ dancer liao... Sigh, lost again...

Yesterday, some dances put up by SAJC belong to e Entertainment sphere, some belong to Artistic sphere... Apparently, so many clapped when the E-pieces were put up, n when A-pieces were put up, the volume of applause dropped significantly... Their own students put up an item , claiming it to be a Hip-Hop Dance & many cheered.. Honestly, i ponder: the applause was given becos e music used was one tt audience were familiar (eg. Destiny Child), or was it becos of e dance itself or becos ur frenz r dancing in it? I seriously dunno cos when their guest performers (3 grps: NUS Dance Ensemble, VJC Dance Club & an outside breakdance troupe called Floor Technique grp) put up performences, the standard was quite good but the vol of applause dropped significantly...
Esp the Floor technique group.. Wah lau, since they cheered so loud for their SAJC Hip-Hop dance, i initially thot they were into Hip-Hop. But when FTG performed, they did quite alot of high-level difficulty stunts(both breakdance & Hip-hop) which in my opinion were more high level, yet nobody cheered.. End up only me, Zhenyu & Daryl cheer, as if only we knew the difficulty level of those stunts performed... Pls lor, i really ponder: Does applause really represent e standard of e dance?

After yesterday, i got lost again, as always....
How to differentiate a dance/ dancer? Why do some ppl dance?
All tt was mentioned above r all my personal opinions, making them ineligible for negligent misstatements & defamation..

Mind in Chaos
End of Entry

My 3rd Essay 2005 (named Free to Fly)

This essay was written over 1 night... Surprisingly, i did it on the spot w/o much thinking... A pure flow of feelings.. Hence, the sentences may not link, & when i return in the future to read this entry again, i may find this piece of work a trash & non-sensical... But still, Zhongyi, u did it over 1 night after u heard H.O.T - Free to fly... Try to recall the feelings u haf when u heard this song...

Hence, the essay was juz a pure flow of ur interpretation of whatever u felt when u heard this song... Whether it makes sense or not already does not matter... If there is any reader out there oso reading this essay, again, feel free to comment & pls forgive my lack of skill in this essay.. I know the structure of e essay is not correct, but still it was juz a flow of whatever feelings the song gave me when i heard it... Becos the song is in Korean, i dun even understand what they singing, hence it was my own interpretation..

I felt very relieved & happy when i finished writing it cos i managed to express what i felt the song told me.... Purely a work of emotions w/o any work of literature...

End of Entry

<<孤单起飞-序>>


‘孤单’与‘寂寞’是两种截然不同的感觉，不能混为一谈。虽然两者都是指一个人独 处时的感觉，但基本上两者却有天壤之别。‘寂寞’纯粹是一种消极的态度， 只要转眼之间有人陪，这种感觉便会消失。换句话说，这种感觉是被动的，关键取决于是否有人陪伴在身旁。‘孤单’却不一样。‘孤单’是主动的，是一种含有傲 气的感觉，并且搀杂着‘自由’的味道。‘孤’原是指王者的意思，‘单’则是单一的意思，‘独’亦取意自独一无二。所以，‘孤单’、‘孤独’都是含有傲气的 感觉。‘孤单’与‘孤独’也有一点小差别。之前提到‘孤单’除了含有傲气，还搀杂着‘自由’的味道-- 所谓单飞便是有着脱离旧束缚的意思。‘孤独’却是纯粹傲视当世、无人匹敌的一种感觉--金庸笔下的无敌英雄便是一位名为独孤求败的剑客。由此可见，‘孤独 ’的感觉又与‘孤单’不同了。

这篇作品是我在听完一首歌曲后有感而写的。歌曲是韩国歌曲，我听不懂其歌词在唱什么。但它的曲却让我有所感 触，心中涌出了微妙的情感，使我有一股冲动想写 作。所以，这篇作品其中的意境和想要表达的感觉只可意会而不能言传。读者会不会判断我的作品到底好不好，关键在于读者是否能心领神会，联想到歌曲以及我当 时写作的心情。顺便一提，歌曲是Free to Fly - H.O.T

孤单起飞

在夜深人静的时候，我会不自觉地感到孤单。这是因为夜晚是多么地幽静，毫无杂音的。我甚至连自己的呼吸、心跳声，都能听得一清二 楚。一切都十分平静，没有 任何动静，也无任何声音。繁忙的都市已进入沉睡状态了。尘埃都已沉淀，街上也已瞧不见川流不息的行人。这样的一个黑夜只会让我更深切地体会到‘孤单’到底 是什么感觉。

我在独自一个人时，会觉得孤单。夜阑人静时，一切声音的静止，让我感到仿佛全世界只剩我一人。这份感觉的浮生是归于黑夜的寂 静。当我连自己的呼吸、心跳声，都能听得一清二 楚时，这会让我有种被释放的感觉，我仿佛可以自由自在地在黑夜苍穹底下翱翔。无论我做什么都不会有人在旁议论纷纷，我是完全自由的。除了行为能不被拘束之 外，能挣脱这个世界也是另一种自由。

这 残酷的世界存在著许多不愉快的事。战争、瘟疫、疾病、仇恨、妒嫉、金钱与权力的斗争，破裂家庭等等。当黑夜降临时，那一片寂静好似宣告所有不愉快的事都已 结束。我深切地体验到‘孤单’的感觉：一个人存在著，没有别人，没有其他生物，没有人间的丑陋，没有被污染的环境，没有勾心斗角，没有生离死 别......

微 风吹过我的脸颊，风声不急也不缓。风，不携带着任何感情、任何杀伤力，轻轻飘过我，与我擦身而过。无形的风不会因为我阻挡了它的去路，而伤害我，它只会 另觅航道。过程中也不忘与身旁的我分享那份飘逸清凉的感觉。它是那么地柔和，且又那么地无私，毫不吝啬地与其他人分享自己所拥有的......
繁 星在星 空上不停闪烁，仿佛在互相交谈，呈现一片祥和的气氛。繁星多不胜数，但每一颗却只是安静地在那儿默默守候着，并没有心机想与其他星星争辉。繁星是 永恒不变的，它们会永远守候在星空上，不会消失，好似对恋人的承诺一样；不论是否被辜负了，它们依然保持著永恒不变的心态，在漫长的岁月里守护着，直至自 己燃烧炱尽......
云朵漂移在黑夜的天空上，感觉好不自在啊！云聚散无常，它也不会因为被冲散了而愤怒，只是静静地保持著相同的状态。面对被 冲散的 命运，它也没有怨言，仍静 静地面对离别。当云朵都化成雨点降落大地时，雨水又会聚在一起，渐而形成云朵。云在面对着聚散离合时是最平静的：离别时没有丝毫的怨恨、也无任何遗憾；聚 积时也没有狂喜。它是如此平静地存在著，更不会怨天尤人，责备它自己的命运......

夜 晚让我深深地感应到这一切，让我不由自主地浮生了许多感触。在这孤单的夜里，我实实在在地自由了！远离这个世界，无拘无束地在天空中翱翔；脱离了所有悲 伤，治愈了所有破碎的心，抚平了所有的伤口，擦干了所有的眼泪，点燃了所有的生命，处处一片温馨...... 虽然这份孤单只是存在于短暂的一片黑暗寂静，但是‘它’确实存在过。就好比流星划过天际的那一瞬间，虽在下一秒已消失无影，却已在观星者的脑海中留下了美 丽的画面~~~

夜，是那么地宁静；孤单的感觉是那么地深切；挣脱世间的一切在繁星点点的天空中飞翔是那么地自由......

My 2nd Essay in 2005

Well, v happy that i still haf time to write essays... Recently these essays were done becos i haf holidays... To recall, these essays done in 2005 were due to the reason of having 2 months of holidays aft Yr 1 in NTU Acc.. After holidays, may not haf the time to write essays anyway...

This 2nd essay oso took abt 3 days, though 1st day listen to music only, nv do any typing at all..
This essay was due to 2 songs i heard, namely Jiang Nan - Lin JJ & Dong Feng Po - Jay Chou.
By combining both songs, i got my thoughts from there...
So anyone reading my essays again, pls feel free to comment... As usual, my email add is in my previous essay below... Juz check out tt entry.. Feel free to shoot... =)

The direct entry below: titled Si Nian - Xu is like a foreword to my essay... Tt's like supposed to be read in congruent with the essay... Well, whether it is more suitable to be read b4/after the essay, i leave it to personal feel...
Enjoy!!!!!

Satisfied again
End of Entry

<<思念-序>>

只道无情却有情，情到浓时情转薄
看似无情却有情，有情总被无情伤
多情自古空余恨，此恨绵绵无绝期

春蚕到死丝方尽，蜡炬成灰泪始干

疲倦的街灯，破晓前一盏一盏熄灭
我踩尽油门，迎着风整夜都无法入眠
阳光从地平线开始蔓延
我还留在黑暗的边缘
太茫然的心，忘记了时间
停搁在最后的画面

在黎明破晓前
你终于说出，我们的爱情没有明天
是谁的出现，该谁说再见
写好的剧本摆在眼前

在黎明破晓前
沉默的侧面，是如此美丽，如此遥远
你带走一切，抽空了世界，
是这一生最冷的夏天

思念

夜黑风高的一个晚上，皎洁的弯月高挂在漆黑的天空上。只见一个人在一道毫无人烟的街上行走，走着走着，不知不觉间走到了街道的尽头。他向左转一转，竟转到了另一条小巷。谁又知道这么污秽不堪的小巷隐藏了多少心酸、多少缠绵~~~

他 走着走着，忽然在一个毫不起眼的角落坐了下来。他摸着墙壁，仿佛在寻找些什么。粗糙的双手，满脸的皱纹仿佛是他历尽沧桑的证明。粗糙的手在墙上摸着，忽然 摸到陷下去的一部分。原来是刻了几行字。随着字行的笔划，隐约可以知道墙上到底写些什么。是一对恋人对彼此的海誓山盟~~~ 此时，过往的回忆渐渐在他的脑 海里浮现......

他 们两人彼此深爱着对方，相信贫富之间的距离也无法将他俩分开。这便是他们少年时所坚信不移的。在热恋中的他们认为只要能与对方在一起，即使只是短暂的一 秒，那一秒已足以抵过永远。当然，就像所有热恋中的年轻人一样，他们向彼此承诺，立下了海誓山盟。身为富家小姐的她，因为家庭的束缚，常常要偷偷地跑出来 与他见面。这一条小巷便是他们相见的地方。坚信爱情永不褪色的他们就在这道墙上刻下了对彼此之间的承诺。

然 而，随着岁月的流失，两人逐渐了解到爱情的无常。就在某年某月某一天，别恋的她选择了离开，遗弃了长久的爱情。那时候正是夏天，太阳却不如何强烈。往事不 堪回首，此时正在角落坐着的他模模糊糊说道：“你走的那某一天，带走了我的一切，抽空了世界，是我这一生最冷的夏天......” 仿佛要重演当天的情境似的，冷飕飕的风此时无情地刮过他的身旁，着寒的不止是他的人。他的心、灵魂、甚至所有人类应有的情感都似乎在那一天被冻结冰封起来 了。冷风仍无情地袭来，但风虽寒，却远远不如他那颗早已冻僵了的心。毫无人烟的街道、暗淡的街灯、寒冷的晚风，使整个气氛越加凄凉、越加孤独。这样的一个 夜晚，寂寞的感觉就越明显。陪伴着寂寞而来的便是对过往一切美好回忆的思念。

但不论思念有多浓，遗留下来的只有一份悲痛与无奈。冻结了所 有情感，使得他欲哭无泪，心中亦仿佛不再滴血。无泪的他抬头一望，天竟忽然下起倾盆大雨，仿佛 在为他的爱情哀悼。尽管风再寒，雨再大，也吹不走、洗不去那一份悲痛与无奈。他是那么渴望自己早已葬在她离开的那一天...... 回想一下，今天刚好十年~~~

此时，雨依然下着，风依旧刮着，黑夜也还是持续着，冻结的心在寒冷的这一个夜晚敷上了一层霜，寒意更重了...... 墙上的海誓山盟还残留着，人却已离开了......

Age gap/ What i really enjoyed doing

Today is 14 July'05, a thursday which haf no dance prac in NHSS... However , Wei hong they all v enthu/ got initiative, they org a dance prac 4 the new version of Forging Ahead...
So, as the actual perf is finally coming, i decided to go down help. Though i decided to myself b4 tt due to age gap, i will juz c c look look but anyway, since i m the 1 who has more knowledge abt Forging Ahead, juz go help lor.. Cos i decided to help only last min cos i initally thot tt they would be able to work things out in time, but e situation proved otherwise... But anyway i went there to help...

Dunno what will be their response towards me aft today but i seriously think age gap is widening all e way liao... Why cant these kids ans my questions truthfully? Sigh... Is tt e prob with e kids nowadays? Hoping 4 a model ans 4 every qtn posted? Sigh... Dun wanna dwell too much on this cos dun want nxt time when i read this entry i get reminded of those details...

Due to widening of age gap, i sincerely feel tt i can do no more to help NHDS liao... Cos actually i would wish to help as much as possible... I realized today tt actually though i wanna resume c c look look status (is becos i dun wanna ppl to think tt I m holding on to whatever 'power' & not letting go), but honestly, the thing i enjoy doing is really coaching... But due to the brain structure of these type of kids nowadays, i dunno whether in future i still haf chance to do wat i like? I seriously wish to help out once more lastly in 2006.. Aft tt, i remove myself from the surface of NHSS... But can this be fulfilled? Actually the hope is v slim....
Widening of gap actually implies tt i can no longer understand their thinking... Honestly, 4 the past few 2 yrs ever since i knew Shin-13 ppl, i felt tt i should go mingle with ppl younger than me & know what their world is abt, cos honestly, actually i oso dun like e world i m currently in now lah(the uni grad & working force world), but aft my efforts these 2 years, i encountered disappointments, loss of hope etc. I realised lots of things, maybe juz name a few eg here - They introduce politics at such a young age, They dun treat performing arts seriously/sincerely..

So actually i v sian to c those bunch of kids not giving their full heart to dance... Eg. If u still got time 4 politics, how is it possible u give ur full heart to dance?

Read some entries in the NHDS blog, they were saying abt missing dance & all sorts of touching stuff.. But seriously, what they said was so true which is till today i still go back to NHSS.. Cos even after 6 yrs since 1999, i still go back... I know why i go back... Other than helping NHDS & immersing myself into the dance atmosphere, it's oso a chill out place 4 me, so tt i can avoid the outside world at least 4 a while... I believe when they leave & meet e real world, they will sincerely feel tt NHDS dance practice is a heaven kinda of place... Hence i was so disappointed cos all along i myself treated it as a chill out place which is so called 'pure' like heaven, cos only purity exists mah... Whether is pure tiredness, pure friendship, pure hardship, pure feeling etc.. But to me, now tt place is so scary... so unsafe with theft, mischief etc... So sian... Now e issue is the thing i enjoy doing most can no longer be done in a place i like...

Bottomline: How long can i last in NHSS? The sch tt once brought me up.... How long more can i really do the thing i enjoy most?

Void of all feelings
End of Entry

My 1st Essay out in the Open 2005

Well, didnt write 4 very long liao.. Decided tt i can use my blog to do something i like to.. Writing Essays. Really didnt touch essays 4 a v long time liao... It's been 3+ years since 2002.. Since i haf a blog now, i decided to write again, aft all, nobody would read it, nobody will mark it & give me points like back in sch days, i can juz write when i feel like it... Got chance to publish my works w/o giving those bookshops $$, why wouldnt i try it in my own blog?

The entry below "The Piano & Lover" is my latest piece of work. I spent 3 days doing it, correcting it here & there as well... Phew! Long time nv write essay, didnt realise its so tedious.. 3 dayz i took, didnt even enter any entry in my blog the past 3 days... Did the essays at night cos at night can think more sentimentally... As it was meant to be an essay, i skipped many parts cos its was not meant to be a novel, only an essay, hence for the short length... Anybody who is reading it pls excuse me for the short length of the essay.. I wanted to write more but if i do, i think it would take weeks instead of 3 days.. Moreover, i think i not cut out for doing novels, hence decide to juz write essays n keep the length short...

Friends or whoever reading it pls feel free to give me ur comments.. Cos i long time nv write liao, scared i lost touch with the feel for writing essay... Ok, if u dun believe, i believe tt writing essay oso like my dance, muz got feel tt can one... =) U r free to email me ur comments too at beachboys_frenz@yahoo.com.sg Above all, pls dun think tt i wrote this essay especially for who so ever in my life... I wrote this becos of some thoughts(ling gan) i haf after listening to these 3 songs, which i m gonna recommend as well... I decided to combine some elements in these 3 songs & come up with a story of my own... I got my ling gan from the following elements

Thanks & acknowledgement to these songs:
Alex To - Yuan Lai Wo Love U so much (lyrics + MV)
Lin JJ - Yi Qian Nian Yi Hou(lyrics)
Nicholas Tse - Let Me Die (lyrics)

U may wish to read my essay while listening to these 3 songs.. =) I did my essay when listening to these 3 songs & repeating every track so as to keep my thoughts/feeling flowing...
If readers(if any) had noticed, i wrote the entire essay using the 'I' &'She' perspective.. The entire essay does not include any names at all.. Cos i would like any readers out there to be able to relate themselves to the story using the 'I' &'She' perspective, hence i declined to use any names at all in the entire essay...

Yup, so my 1st piece of work since i grad from JC, published in my very own blog.. Once again, any readers out there, feel free to comment... I oso dunno my standard drop already or not... Better still if friends can help me intro my essay to any1 u know(regardless male/female) & let me know their response as well.. Honestly speaking, similar to dancing, i will feel most appreciated if my works can touch my readers'/audiences' hearts.... Tt's my greatest satisfaction... =) Really v long nv write essay liao... the feeling of completing an essay is so good, esp nobody gives me title, no nothing at all... Ling gan all come from my own searching...

End of entry
Satisfied with myself 4 being able to come up with an essay via 3 songs

Lyrics

原來我LOVE YOU SO MUCH
Alex To

直到現在我才發現
愛你有多深
不管哪裡都有我和你的回憶
一切早已無所謂
所有痛過的痕跡
我想念你想念過去
沒有人能把你代替
再重來甜和苦
我願共度baby say the I love you

原來我還love you so much
沒有了你就沒有我
YEA love you so much
比愛自己還要多
YEA love you so much
想要給你幸福
重愛一次with you
懂不懂懂不懂我的心
懂不懂懂不懂我的心

只想和你在一起
生命才有意義
也許是風也許是雨
我不逃避愛的命運
妳就是我的過去
不管未來到哪裡
一直是妳永遠是妳
我們要讓愛再繼續
我的心不會再改變
妳給我快樂再也沒有誰

原來我還love you so much
不再壓抑真實的我
YEA love you so much
走過時空的交錯
YEA love you so much
不再讓妳孤獨
重愛一次with you
懂不懂懂不懂我的心
懂不懂懂不懂我的心

Lyrics

Let Me Die   
Nicholas Tse


Are we at war tonight,
will there be angels whispering to me good night,
don't wake when the lightning strikes
my heart for you is true,
let no one take that from you
time is running tight,
can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

It's time to say fare-well,
No need to cry or feeling sorrow
It's alright, all in the book of life
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can change my world
from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight,
will there be angels whispering to me good night,
don't wake when the lightning strikes
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can give me strength to fight,
till the sky is burning, It's the end of time

look ahead tomorrow, a long and winding road
keep the faith of mine don't let it go
you're the only reason night ain't growing cold
what will I do, without you

I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace, my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can make my world so bright,
life, no longer empty,
with you in my heart, In my heart



 

一千年以后
By Lin JJ

心跳乱了节奏
梦也不自由
爱时的绝对承诺不说
沉到一千年以后
放任无奈淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你要的爱
因为在一千年以后
世界早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了我
那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁
解开缠绕千年的寂寞

钢琴与她

在房间的某一个角落，摆放着一架布满灰尘的钢琴。只见一名女子缓缓步向钢琴，慢条斯理地坐在琴椅上。她缓缓伸出柔软细长的玉指，在那布满灰尘的琴键上轻轻 地弹了一曲。琴声悠扬悦耳、仙乐飘飘，着实感人，足以让听者魂欲销、泪欲流。美妙的一曲渐渐步向尾声，琴声却在将近结尾时突然断了。。只见一颗泪珠滴落在 琴键上，原来眼泪来自这名女子。此时眼泪毫无保留地从眼里涌出来，流过她的脸颊、滑过她那柔软双唇，滴湿了整个琴键。只见她悲伤地不断流着眼泪，眼神却充 满着思念的情感。她的双眼晶莹明亮，却又充满着悲伤，仿佛经历了沧海桑田。她的眼睛纯洁清澈，但眼神中却流露出淡淡的凄凉悲痛之感。望着这一双眼睛仿佛能 感觉到相思的痛、相思的苦，世间的无奈……….

我和她都是热爱音乐的人。透过音乐，我们有了最初的相遇。从相识、相知到相爱，音乐也一直陪伴着我们，是我们恋爱的见证人，也是我们彼此之间最好的定情信 物。她在音乐上的造诣与天赋都比我高，对音乐的感官更是独特。在编曲方面，她常常都有很好的表现，出色的作品。我除了有自己的作品之外，也时不时帮她的作 品填词。每一个作品都仿佛是我们爱情的结晶。有一天，由于兴之所至，我们决定共同创作一个作品，由她作曲、我填词，将此曲命名为我们爱情道路上的主题曲。 此曲将包含我们所有的情感。但因为她是个完美主义者，凡事都要求完美，所以作品迟迟不能完成。就在作品已成形，接近完成阶段时，无法预料的事发生了………

人已逝，境已迁，未完成的作品仍残留着。她无法、亦无力凭自己的能力去完成作品。每次碰到琴键，她都会不自觉地想起当天的事，不自禁地流下眼泪。在这无助 无力的情形下，她决定不再触碰琴键。她似乎认为唯有如此，才能忘却那痛苦的回忆，让自己不会再受到思念一个已不存在的人的煎熬。其实，一切都是在逃避。她 知道自己即使永生永世不再触碰钢琴，也无法忘怀。因为我们之间所有过的一切回忆将会是永恒不灭的。更何况我并没有离开，我一直都在她身旁守护着。 “Dear，你听见了吗？其实我不曾离开过。我依然守护着我们的约定，一定要完成我们的爱情主题曲。不要再沉溺于悲伤，因为我真的不曾离开你。所有我们一 起渡过的时光、有过的记忆，将会存放在你内心深处的某一个角落，永远陪伴着你……….”

不知是她听到我的呼唤、感受到我的存在，抑或是对音乐的热忱，使她最终都无法放弃钢琴。于是过了许久之后，她重新接触音乐，弹起那早已染满灰尘的钢琴，试 图完成那未完成的作品。尽管悲伤、无奈、孤单等凄凉的情感还是无情地袭来，泪还是永无止境地流，她却决定了不放弃音乐，不放弃钢琴。在重新触碰音乐的那一 瞬间，她这么说着：“那是你吗？我知道了，一定是你！一定是！你从来都没离开我。只要我一直与音乐接触，总有一天一定会再见到你的。你听见了吗？我不会放 弃音乐的，钢琴会一直陪着我。我一定会再见到你的！”于是背负着沉痛的心情，无可磨灭的记忆，她，还是持续不断地创作………

在演奏会上，她全情投入地弹着那首代表我们一切的钢琴曲。音乐优美柔和，当中又流露出淡淡的悲伤苦涩，仿佛在诉说一段浪漫又凄美的爱情故事，着实感人。演 奏曲结束时，观众席上响起如雷的掌声。她站起来谢幕时，像珍珠般晶莹剔透的眼泪却不由自主地流了下来，滴湿了衣裳。这一曲无疑又勾起了当天的回忆，但她已 不再沉溺于哀伤之中了。如雷的掌声、观众的欢呼给了她最大的鼓励，她决定继续留在音乐的道路上……..

到了曲终人散的时候，我独自站在钢琴旁，耳边仿佛还听到之前她演奏的那一曲。那扣人心弦的一曲在我耳边响起，久久不能散去。“Dear，很高兴知道你已重 新站起来，继续在音乐的道路上行走。你有着很高的音乐天赋，不应该埋没。祝福你今后过得幸福快乐！I will love you till the end of time……..” 于是，再也无任何牵挂、任何遗憾的我逐渐消失在岁月的痕迹中………

此时，音乐厅外正下着大雨，为黑夜增添了凄凉的气氛。皎洁的月亮亦显得朦朦胧胧…. 正在等着雨停的她忽然自言自语道："这一场雨不知何时会停。It’s been raining since you left me… It’s really gonna be an endless rain….”

完

An entry in a bid to help my juniors

This entry is entered based on what happened on 8 July'05. Thanx to some frenz reading my blog & tagging, i decided to post some things(non-related to my life) of my own opinion to help my frenz reading/visting this blog..
This is the 1st entry in this blog i didnt blog 4 my own sake of retaining memories...

Becos Sam managed to influence a certain batch, & in 2005, some of them rose to a state which is capable of helping NHDS prosper, i decided to blog such an entry... In benefit of those juniors who believe in my knowledge & ability, i thank u 4 ur willingness to learn... esp to Juncheng, Wei Hong & whoever has read my blog but i still dunno who u r...

Disclaimer/Clause: Whatever is written here is considered IP of Zhongyi, pls do not carbon copy/distribute in any form to any personnel. The IP consists of Zhongyi's personal comments/opinion which makes him not liable for any misrepresentation/ negligent misstatement. Once info is released, Zhongyi shall not be made liable for any interpretation(regardless correct/ incorrect) of the info.

To keep things simple, i shall disclude specific details, giving u only main ideas. Pls approach me for more info.. Face to face talk is always better..

Diao Dance
At least 3 divisions to diao: Dance steps/ formation/ flow or structure of dance
Criteria 1: (applies to NHDS only) Muz come back frequently, cos u need to know all these: what is happening, how is their progress, what kind of standard they haf so far displayed, r they getting better/ getting bored? What is the fatigue level due to frequency of practices? Many more questions u haf to ans.. Unless u know all these, either by coming back/ finding out thru ur own means, or else in my opinion, u r not qualified..

Criteria 2: If u do not satisfy criteria 1, dun worry, still can qualify in other ways: Eg. U muz haf perfect or close to perfect knowledge abt the dance.. Esp dances of Mr Low r usually used in many other schools. So u would seen many diff versions, learnt alot.. Or u haf danced tt piece of dance b4, regardless in the past or in DI.

If u satisfy criteria 1/2, u r qualified to diao the dance. Depending on which division. I use myself as an example: Y can i diao SYF 2005? Cos i haf been with NH since Nov'04, when Mr Low taught the dance steps, i went to learn as well, hence could confirm they learnt wrongly here & there. I saw the entire process of how the dance was choreographed, making me qualified to diao every single division..

How to Diao?
Step 1: Acquire info/knowledge abt the dance, dun care thru wat channel.. However, caution: When u handling the dance steps division, pls dun gather info thru juniors, cos they will juz teach u diff version... When come to dance steps, Only thru Mr Low.. Unless of course, u danced b4 tt same piece of dance, u already haf perfect knowledge lah... However, when come to new works, u haf to confirm with Mr Low. So if u wanna handle dance steps, u haf to be present in the initial stage of choreographing liao.. Cos towards the middle/end, Mr Low is more concerned with costumes/ stage presentation etc. he dun haf time to teach u/confirm dance steps with u..

Step 2: Acquire info/knowledge abt their progress so far. Realize which stage of they r in.. refer to 4 stages below & the respective action to take:
Stage 1) Learning - Students eager to learn e steps & master them
Action: Teach as specific as possible, correct them as much as possible.. *time spent muz be taken into consideration.. Balance on the duration spent

Stage 2) Practising - steps r learnt, practised towards perfection. They prac on their own liao
Action: Changes can be made easily in this stage, when they prac on their own, diff version will appear, eliminate all of them, comfirm 1 single version. Adaption by students is most easy at this stage. Cos stage 1 cannot take too long time..

Stage 3) Mature - steps r "perfected" by students
Action: Its hard to make changes at this stage liao, if diff versions still not eliminated b4 this stage , they r likely to stay cos their body is used to it. Correcting mistakes is still possible, but tedious. However, like i said, those with professional spirit will still accept corrections at this stage.

Stage 4) Bordem - Bordem sets in as e dance gets practised/ even performed over & over again
Action: It is almost impossible to change dance steps/correct mistakes. Hence, if stage 4 is reached, u haf to reverse their mentality (thru brainwash/scoldings or whatever lah) back to Stage 3 if u wish to make changes, ie. they r still interested in the dance, hence willing to correct themselves..

Step 3: Start to gather them, do e steps over & over again in full-up mode but go thru part by part.. Dun full-up the whole dance.. Full-up whole dance is if u wish to handle the division of flow or structure of dance, NOT the dance steps division. Eliminate any diff versions u c on the way..
(This part i skip details cos u muz learn e logic of dance steps b4 u can perform this job to the fullest)

Step 4: Once dance steps r done, u move on to diao formation. If u zai, u can try doing both concurrently..=) Alot of ppl misunderstand tt Formation is only e position where they stand.. Diao formation u haf to focus on how e formation is formed. Juz remember this: Its the forming of e formation tt counts, not e eventual formation, cos wah lau eventual formation need take how long to correct? juz stand in correct position mah... The bout of time is spent on the forming part... How they run/wlk to e position will determine many things eg. Safety/ Obstruction to others/ Delay of others dancing/ Lose count of beat or music.. Once formation not properly diao, they spoil the image of the dance & distract the audiences' attention. Cos like 1 person stand out of line, audience see liao den will suddenly lose track of what r e dancers performing... Wah lau, what if tt was a part u wish to impress the audience?

Step 5: Once both done, u can call ppl full-up the whole dance, handle e last division. In this division, u drop out as an instructor, instead u watch as an audience, then ask urself 1st time watching, whats ur opinion? This part is the hardest cos focus on 1st time... Any flow/structure not smooth, u haf to make changes.. Of course changes usually done by Mr Low himself lah, juz let u all know... (this one is choreographing stuff, next time den teach) Still there is stuff u can do... Simply run thru the dance a few times, yes u cant make changes but u need to make them used to e flow of the entire dance, so tt there is no blur ppl ard... It's oso not tt easy cos when in full-dress, this division is most impt, they haf to get used to props & costumes... So basically juz run thru e dance, solve any safety hazard problems etc.

So remember to ask urself everytime, which division r u handling now? Which method should u use? dun juz call ppl full-up everytime, no use, in e end, u dun yield any results.. Dun 4get, any stupid grad oso can go call juniors full-up & KBKB here & there, the question is who can diao until results yield? Muz c got results or not lah... Diao & KB one whole day, no results come out, whats e point? Set this as a challenge 4 urself, remember: muz yield results...

Okie, this entry till here first, dun write too much... Dun 4get, i wrote at least 3 divisions, so basically there r still more divisions to learn...
Juz 1 last thing to remind u ppl: Info/knowledge abt the dance is of utmost importance, if u dunno anything abt tt dance, dun act smart... U can go gather info if u interested to help but yet dun haf the info... Have u ever seen me go diao e so-called mei nu zu's dance so far? Cos i dun haf close to perfect knowledge abt tt dance, i juz saw it in Nan Chiau Sec abt thrice.. How to teach? I can, but not these 3 divisions mentioned above, is another 2 divisions i can help out.. Namely Props Usage & Theme of Dance..
Okie, should write till here, any questions can email me, next time i c u den discuss with u...

=) Jia you ppl..

End of Entry

细雨纷飞的早晨

现 在是凌晨四点钟。此时，天未破晓，窗外一片寂静、一片黑暗。在人人还在梦乡里时，我却清醒无比。不知何故，病了的我无论怎样翻来覆去都无法入眠。今天是国 庆日，大家都不必上学，反正我也睡不着，于是到窗外看一看景色。抬头一看，黑暗的天空之中隐隐透出少许的光芒。无数的星星高挂在天空上，不停地闪烁着，为 黑暗带来光芒。星星之光虽然不能与烈阳争辉，但在凌晨时分，在黑暗中发出的那一点光已足以令人感觉无限温暖。

也 不知过了多久，天竟开始下起细雨来了。转头看一看时钟，原来已快到七点了。此时，地平线上开始发出黯淡的曙光。那表示新的一天即将开始，亦象征希望。它仿 佛在告诉病中的我要尽快痊愈。太阳也缓缓地崭露它的脸，万丈光芒蓄势待发，准备照射辽阔的天空。在黎明破晓前的这一刻，街灯一盏一盏地熄灭。原本早晨的阳 光能够照亮整个天空，使人清新爽朗，但由于下起绵绵细雨，使得天空增添了一份朦胧之色。

往 窗外一望，除了凄清的细雨之外，已瞧不见任何人出来晨跑，一切与凌晨时大同小异，十分幽静。晶莹清澈的雨水一滴滴地落在树叶上，使得这些叶子在雨中显得绿 莹莹的。在这毫无杂音的环境里，我仿佛感觉到大自然在呼唤我。细小的雨点击打在我的脸上，好似在抚摸我的脸，而微风又恰似在轻吻着我的脸。雨点轻轻溅在我 身上，阴凉的感觉顿时传遍全身，使我不由得打了个冷战。

此 时，阳光透过云雾照射大地。在这细雨纷飞的早晨，雨与阳光并存，景色充满诗情画意。碧蓝的天空与树叶相映成趣，景色顿时变得美丽无比。或许，每个早晨都是 如此，只不过是我没注意到罢了！但是，不管怎么样，今天这个早晨一定与往常不同。因为，今天一道彩虹划过天际，在天空上额外突出。虽说彩虹分七道颜色，但 在辽阔的天空下，渺小的我只看到三道颜色，分别是红、蓝、黄。虽不能尽看那七道色彩，但能侥幸看到彩虹，我已心满意足了。

细 雨纷飞的早晨是如此地令人陶醉2啊！我突然觉得大自然是如此的玄妙……透过此景，我霎时间若有所悟。人在生活中难免遇到困难而失落。不论多坚强的人也总有 想放弃的时候、在这关键时刻，我们须不断鼓励、提醒自己：这是最难的一关，只要闯过去，接下来的困难便迎刃而解了。既然能令我们想放弃，那么这个问题肯定 很棘手。然而，只要过了这关，那便轻松多了，否则这时候放弃便前功尽弃。旭日东升之前，地平线上一定会出现曙光，提醒我们永不放弃、永不言败。遇到困难、 无法尽情发挥所长，好比天空因雨而添上了朦胧之美。奋斗过程中会得到意想不到的收获，就如彩虹的出现一样。至于最后能不能雨过天晴，便要靠各人的能力。然 而，值得珍惜的是那个在奋斗中得到的收获，它可能使我们一生受益。

细雨仍绵绵不绝地下着，风亦不停地刮着，树叶继续摇摆，环境依然清幽。但，随着时间的流逝，晨星已全然消失，不知去向……

但愿明天的早晨亦会如今天一般令人陶醉，让我有如身处于烟波浩渺的世外桃源，但愿……

One of my essays when i was in SAJC

Cherish & Treasure & Be Contented...

The time is July'05, a yr has passed since i ORD-ed.. This entry is entered to serve as a reminder to u tt in this world, u r not the most unfortunate person.. This world is so big, u juz live in Singapore only, so be fully aware, dun see ur own life with a microscopic view..

Honestly, u still feel a little dissatisfied with life sometimes every now & then, thinking its not happening enough, well, think again ba... True, though ur life may be not happening enough, but its not the extent for u to be dissatisfied with life.. In simple terms, though u dun haf BMW/ Mercedes or any other sports car to drive, u r not from a rich family, u r not scoring straight 'A's for the modules in Acc, u do lots of housework at home, u save $$ here & there + take up job as dance instructor amidst studying, to lessen the burden at home, but still these factors r not enough 4 u to be dissatisfied with life... Pls still be contented..
In life, u should know tt comparison with others will lead u no where & bring u more misery only.. If u compare to those rich kids, u get no where.. If u compare urself to ppl like Koh Han Wei, u should really know how to cherish what u haf now currently..

In 2004 March, Han Wei had to borrow $1000 from u to return a debt to his ex-gf when she initiated a break-up.. Imagine he cant even come up with $1000 whereas u, in NS 1 mth already $1000... Due to his family background & financial status, till today July'05, he still couldnt return the full sum to u.. U should know how hard it is 4 him to support the family & yet return $$ to u.. Above all, he is still saving $$ to study part-time in poly.. Study & work part-time, plus return $$, u can imagine how occupied his life is, he maybe doesnt even haf e time to go complain tt his life isn't happening enough... & above all, he only has a ITE cert, hence the need to go 4 a poly diploma: u r a undergrad, i mean even if no honours i believe u still can survive in the society when u grad... U nv know how this society works, maybe cert is not tt important? I dunno, i certainly hope so..

So... u should be contented, cherish what u already haf... Like what Zhenyu said, live life to the fullest, but sigh... it's so hard to live life to the fullest.. I oso want to achieve tt but seems v hard..
How to live my life to fullest?
Anyway, whenever now & then u r not convinced by those thoughts, juz refer back to this entry & juz think again... Remember the feeling when u were writing down this entry... Han wei & many others life is oso less happening than u, but they still can survive..

End of Entry

A very meaningful/fulfiling task to me

Time is 2005, 6th July.. My first time going back to NHSS after SYF ended...NHSS oso changed lots after SYF... Many of them reverted back to their old selves, and the same lazy atmosphere was there to stay... Every1 was lazzing ard, as long as Mr Low was not supervising, they were not practising.. However, i saw something v interesting today... Saw Juncheng teaching some juniors some steps, well quite glad tt some1 in the graduating class is taking initiatives to teach juniors liao.. Wei Hong was oso supervising the Spanish dance by sec 3s.. Glad tt they r taking initiatives here & there to take up ceratin tasks.. =) After all, aft Sam this batch go army, like i entered previously (Refer to entry titled Shin-13 4 recall), i oso retire from the NHDS arena & revert back to see see look look liao... Teaching method reverts back to pull-factor method..

So i sincerely v glad tt they r doing something... I really wish for them to take over this so-called undeclared job of helping out in NHDS.. Cos i sincerely think tt Dance is a thing i m passionate abt & i dun want those ugly & unpleasant things in it.. Though by default, i m now the oldest in DI & so-called NHDS Alumni(which some juniors self-claim), but i seriously dun want ppl to misunderstand tt i m always the 'lao da', & will hold tt position foreva.. 1stly, i feel there isnt any positions to hold at all, all grads are same level, esp once u grad.. Next, i like dance so much, i m not interested to introduce this kinda politics into it... If there is positioning, there will be politics cos ppl wanna climb upwards.. So i hope some1 go clear this shit up in the juniors mind tt there is positioning in NHDS Alumni.. Actually there's no NHDS Alumni but i seriously dun mind org one with Sam they all unofficially... Cos as long as Mr Low is the instructor, we can always haf this kinda of alumni organization to help out mah... It's quite fun too at times.. =) can relieve stress from everyday life.. Go back NHSS see juniors is oso my way of chilling out from uni life.. =p

Why feel so happy at this instant after 6th July? Cos yesterday talked to Sam they all, i got a piece of info.. Finally Mrs Wong(the current TIC) acknowledged the grads' help & contributions, n welcomed more to come back frequently... It's so happy to know tt grads' contribution r being acknowledged... Actually it's so interesting how things turned out this way... Becos all along helping out is an undeclared thing but becos aft i met Shin-13 ppl, we kept going back, the juniors took it 4 granted tt seniors will always come back.. To me, this is actually a good news cos i wish tt they will follow our example, grad liao still come back help out on their own accord.. The not so good side is i dun want them misunderstand tt grads can do anything they like, such as punishing push-ups etc.. Grads oso got code of ethics, in my opinion tt is...

Till now, a very meaningful task to me is to pass on this undeclared job to this next batch of new blood.. Anyway this job is volunteer to catch one lah, i mean tt time Shin-13 & me oso dunno each other, we juz came back like tt & performed the job, oso nobody passed the job to us, we juz started doing a 'job' out of nowhere, tt's all... Actually i feel tt if all of us r keen, we can really start an unofficial NHDS Alumni, so the ppl coming back nv ends as long as Mr Low is the instructor.. Anyway, tt leaves v much to be discussed...

Bottomline: It's so wonderful how come things in NHDS turned out like tt.. May new blood keep on coming back & keep the spirit going..

On verge of withdrawing =)
End of Entry

NHSS Dance Society - My ECA (part 2)

Continued from previous entry, i shall now touch on Forging Ahead, my grad dance in 1999..
As the version is diff, i do not wish to comment too much but even if i were to judge it independently as a new dance on its own, there is still so much room 4 improvement...

To me, FA is not only a dance, it was my 'baby' so-called as i took part a little in the choreographing of the steps, the solely guys' dance steps, to be exact... So, it has a diff meaning for me, cos it was my 2nd attempt in choreographing... But apart from this, this dance was oso not only a dance, it was a work of friendship... Becos though every1 may bu shuang every1 here & there, but whenever we stood on stage, the music rolls, every1 juz gets immersed in the dance & forgets abt everything else.. This moment is always 'pure', with no hatred, no foreign feelings, only dance exists...

FA has my emotions in it.. I mean although i haf danced so many yrs & yup, i enjoy new pieces such as Bottle Up/ Kopitiam, my favourite is still FA.. It has my works in it, it's like a baby to me... Till today, i can only recall the memories but becos time moves on heartlessly, my feeling of dancing together with those ppl is fading away as time passes by... I can only recall the soul/feeling of the dance when i hear the music again.. This is already the bare minimum.. As to the feeling of 'dancing together again', it juz fades as the dayz goes by... I can no longer grab hold of tt feeling, i just lose it bit by bit...

When i heard the music today, i can feel the soul of e dance, then when i open my eyes & see them dancing, its a diff picture altogether.. It's rather sad i would say... Honestly, i didnt expect such a great standard deviation... This standard deviation dun refer to the usual dance standard i m always talking abt... What i m saying is this:

Imagine U close ur eyes & listen to the music, the music brings back memories & the feel 4 e dance, u immerse in the music, painting out a pic of ur feelings.. Then when u open ur eyes, u c a dance tt is so diff from what u painted in ur mind... Tt accounts for the standard deviation... Difference in picture..

This FA perf in July is totally different from tt of 1999.. So for fairness, i sincerely wish tt those juniors dancing this item dun go & compare with tt of 1999. Firstly, one is SYF, one is sch perf, time span is different, the dancers' mood to dance is different.. Today i went back saw them dance, they were like playing/ fooling ard.. So how is it fair to compare the two dances? Next, version is so different, how to compare? I m sad to pen all these down is becos i read tt those juniors r like so proud to dance FA, & thought tt they were doing a good job... I m not condemning them, i m juz pure sad... I mean, they claimed tt they r honoured to dance FA, but yet they juz fool ard, & dun respect the dance... I m sad cos FA is of significant meaning to me, it's different from other pieces of works...
I pray: Pls dun compare this FA to tt in 1999, those ppl who did tt & were v proud of themselves, i can only say: U ppl juz play ard, dun even respect the dance piece itself, how come u claim u r v proud to be in tt dance? Still compared it with 1999 somemore...

I m actually okie with it if this is viewed as a different piece of work, but when some ppl compare (1stly they already shouldnt, if they knew how the original FA was like, the difference in version & many other elements stated above), i juz feel so negative... =(

Bottomline: I choreographed the solely guys' part actions(partially) in the original FA, I dun mind my juniors now dance tt piece, but pls respect the perf.. Pls dun compare it with 1999, it's so unfair.. Lastly once again, i m always disappointed tt 'frogs in the well' exist... Every dance item has its uniqueness & significance, by comparing it side by side(moreover diff version), the person is not respecting the item itself & the performers...
It's like an idiot comparing betw a cultural dance & a modern dance, then commenting which dance is better...(Note: is dance itself, not e dancers)

Despair
End of Entry (part2)

NHSS Dance Society - My ECA

This entry is entered in July'05. Whatever happens is up to this date... If u read this again some years later 4 recalling ur memories, the situation might be different liao, it may turn 4 the better/worse, but juz recall the current situation at that point of time..

July 2005 is NHSS 88th anniversary, so Mr Low re-enacted some old dances for this celebration concert. (PM Lee as the GOH) The dances he choreographed had lots of differences from the original version, one of them was my graduating dance, SYF 1999 - Forging Ahead aka Red Ants. This dance which had part of my works in it is being re-choreographed for my juniors in NHSS to dance. So the current version of this dance is already quite diff from e original one... I wont say totally diff, but the diff is rather significant.. I shall address this issue on Forging Ahead later in next entry again..

NHSS Dance was my ECA during my sch dayz, i learnt so much tt i became like 'indebted' to this society, i wish to try my v best to uphold/retain the standard tt once built the reputation in the SYF dance arena.. All along ever since Mr Low introduced NHDS history to me, i haf known tt NH built its reputation from scratch & the credit seriously goes to Mr Low.. He built it from scratch cos b4 tt, NH nv got many gold medals b4... The reputation was built over some time (i dunno how long) but it shocked the SYF arena in 1993 & 1995.. The items put up by NH contained lots of fresh ideas tt other choreographers nv thought of.. In 1995, NH got 3 gold for SYF, thereby establishing the reputation & in my own opinion-the golden era..
However, till today, NHDS has changed so much, the golden era is no more, what lies behind in the future, in my opinion, is a series of downslopes.. Unless the future batches can do something, i dunno what will e picture be like...
Why do i say tt NHDS is going downslope? Becos apart from non-dance reasons such as introduction of politics etc, alot of juniors r learning the wrong things.. Then when graduates like myself tell them they r wrong, they refuse to change.. Whether is attitude unhappy or is becos they just dun get used to change (reason to me is not impt, bottomline is they juz nv change).. Well, in my opinion, change in this world is inevitable, muz learn how to accept changes, if not we will get abandoned by the world... I mean if a person is so relunctant to change from using Word Perfect to Microcosft Word, then he will be left behind cos the entire world is changing... So why so relunctant?
But anyway, becos things r really wrong, & they dun change, things go the wrong way & progress in the wrong direction, it juz gets out of hand...

When this continues, the changes become irreversible.. In my opinion, due to the hard work of Sam in influencing Wei Hong's batch, i managed to reverse a little changes here & there esp in 2005.. Cos they r more open to changes... They do acknowledge tt what they haf learnt might be wrong, hence the effort to change.. But honestly, unless someone out there undertakes my knowledge & carries on passing it down, i m v sad to know tt juniors r learning the wrong things & yet think tt they r correct.. Honestly, in my opinion, the credit is not mine but Sam's.. Why? Simple, cos though i haf the knowledge, it's he who made e receiptants accept my imparts with an open mind, & most of all, carry them out.. Though Daryl & Jie Yim's influencing batch may oso accept wat i say, they seldom carry it out...

Actually it takes 2 hands to clap, if i were to judge myself how did Daryl, Sam & myself plus all grads fare in helping out NHDS in SYF 2005, i would say quite nicely done.. Why? Becos i sincerely feel tt having to know them was an interesting thing to happen to me.. The way we work together complements our own weakness & gets a job done bit by bit... I mean if i were the bad guy scolding them, Sam/ Daryl will be the ones explaining to them e reasons, which appeases their anger.. Making them more receiptive to my comments.. So actually grads haf to be organised as well if they wish to help NHDS effectively... But i guess aft 2005, we will no more be in this, i hope some1 takes over our job...

I dare say here: Why dun these juniors listen to what i haf been imparting? Why do i sound so confident tt whatever i haf learnt is correct? Becos i m some1 who accepted changes in my sec sch dayz... My actions/whatsoever were corrected by Mr Low & many other seniors plus it went thru numerous rds of confirmation with Mr Low... Apart from tt, the actions i now display fits the logic of dance/ wu shu/ body motion.. This is impt: in dance/ wu shu or other body motions, every movement should fit their respective logics..

So honestly, unless things change 4 the better with them having a more open mind, more enthu, more willing to learn, i see a series of down slopes... Moreover i cant possibly be here forever helping out, its really time to pass the baton on, but who wishes to catch it? I seriously want to pass this on, but i doubt any1 is willing to catch it.. I m not setting any criteria, juz hoping tt this person has a heart to help NHDS prosper, tt's enough...

Though i so-called felt tt Wei Hong/ Jie Yim/ Yilong/ Yiting/ Juncheng/ Khoon hui etc can fit the job, they seem unable to fork out time to learn how to properly 'diao' the dance steps.. Plus not only muz learn the theories, still muz practical really go try it out on juniors and gain exp.. Yeah, & every1 so busy, time cant match... So yeah, what can i say?

Bottomline, NHDS seriously needs help b4 all the changes become irreversible...

End of Entry (part 1)

Some Ppl remain unchanged deep down inside

Well, today went to Shi Jian Ju Chang(Theatre Practice) with Mr Low.. Saw the full-time professionals practise, had a practise session with them, interacted a little here & there... Still as entered previously, this collaboration with Shi Jian is 4 the opening of the new drama centre.. The perf is at Nov'05 & yup, many ppl in DI nv participate... So today me & Mr Low there seeing them, we talked a little here & there...

Thru tonight's conversation, i m v glad to know tt Mr Low was still the instructor i knew when i was a sec student... Yes, when i returned to DI/NHDS to help in 2003, i got kinda shocked by Mr Low's deviation in acceptance of students' standard... (Refer to entry titled One of my likes: dancing) And came SYF 2005, he again didnt put the students thru e similar hell-training i went thru as a sec student.. I was surprized, though i could understand why he didnt.. Yes, simply becos nowadays the students r diff from the days when i was a student.. So teaching method muz vary, treatment oso muz vary...
So in all these highlights, i can accept this situation juz tt i m still surprized...
However, after tonight i will not be surprized anymore...
The content of our conversation is approximately as follows:

I had problems looking 4 ppl to participate in this Nov'05 perf with Shi Jian.. Mr Low said tt he long knew tt this would be the case.. He knew the character of his students v well, their pattern..
So he knew tt he would get such a poor response from his students.. He thinks tt this is oso a golden opportunity for us to learn as much as possible from all these full-time professionals.. Hence, he encourages/hopes his students would participate actively but yeah, he already knew this wouldnt be e case.. So eventually, he ended off our conversation with this phrase, it's so familiar, i long time nv hear him say liao, ever since i graduated..
"Whatever they benefit from all these exp/teachings/skills, its theirs to keep 4 life, not mine.. If they dun appreciate it, so be it..."
In Chinese, " Lian Cheng/ Xue Dao de dong xi shi ta men de, bu shi wo de"

Wooh... I really missed this phrase from Mr Low man... He long time nv say this type of words liao... Moreover, simply becos he knew the current students' pattern, tt's y he changed his teaching methods/ standard deviation.. However, deep down inside, he is still the teacher i knew in the past... So basically the reason why there was a deviation in acceptance of standard was becos e students were not as enthu/ passionate/ hardworking.. He would push for them to reach their potential if they themselves wanted to maximise their potential too.. But since they relac here relac there, okie lor, then like tt will do...
So, actually this is how Mr Low has changed/modified his attitude towards students over the years ever since i graduated, not tt he has changed/ tt he lower his own expectations..
I got to know tt actually b4 DI, he had already started a dance troupe (so-called DI Generation 1 maybe) in his younger dayz... But becos of his members oso like present ones, wanna come dun come, always late, so he disbanded it... Few years later when he met HanQiang/Guang Ming/ Yong Hao/ Zhizhong, then he decided to restart a new troupe again.. I'll nv know, maybe even b4 tt, his expectations were higher? Then after this disband incident, he already had lowered his expectations of members a little? Till my batch, he lower somemore? Then till today, he juz let it be? But deep inside, his very OWN expectations nv change at all?

I'll nv know but at least i can assure myself I tried my very best... Wonder how NHDS ppl will respond to this news if they knew e history of DI? Maybe they juz cant be bothered..
Anyway, this conversation tonight really made me realize tt some ppl juz remain unchanged deep down inside...
Well, i sincerely oso wish to remain 'myself' when i grow old & mix into the society.. I now learnt tt i can modify the way i do things but as long as deep down inside i dun change, it's alright, i still remain true to myself.. Seems easy, but i shall know how hard it is to remain true when i step into society few yrs later from now...

Bottomline: Things may change, ppl ard me may change, environment may change, but some ppl remained unchanged deep down inside.. Till today, i m still fortunately the same Zhongyi since 1999 deep down inside, even though some may not be able to see it on the surface... I may or may not change (regardless willingly/ unwillingly) in the future, but i know tt today, as of now, i m happy with my current personality...

End of Entry

Purity of ur Like - Dance

The time is 2005, NKF performance has juz ended.. Busy year in DI i would say.. Ever since the drastic changes in DI, i haf been thinking alot... Record this entry in hope tt someday when i read back, i still haf Purity of the Like - for dancing..

In 1996, why did i join NHDS as an ECA initially? It was under encouragement of family when they said tt uniform grp was nothing much cos after sec sch, go NS still can learn the things, thus they encouraged me to join smth which next time no more chance to learn liao... So when i saw Zhi Bao, Li Wei their gymnastics/ lion dance so good, i was so impressed tt i decided to volunteer to join Dance. As the years went by, my passion grew & i became more experienced as the no. of performances plus the ppl i meet increases. I oso got exp in choreographing dances, handling ppl, learnt how to look at big pics, sacrifice little things 4 e sake of the big situation...
So as i came into contact with dance, my like for dance grew... It was alright all the while, i juz dance with whoever is partnered with me or whatsoever.. So i enjoyed the times when i got to dance with HanQiang, Guang Ming they all.. Every1 was so friendly & no politics were involved..

However, when i returned to DI in 2003, No!! In fact only in 2005, i found things a little weird.. The new bunch of ppl whom i came to know/ into contact with, introduced new unpleasant things such as mind games/politics/ backstabbing/ spreading rumours etc all in the bid to whether win popularity or wat.. I dunno their intentions, i juz find it so unpleasant.. So when dancing with these ppl, the feeling of cooperation & bonding is juz simply gone.. Hence, i haf to do so much self-reflection... Amidst all these self-reflection, i realized myself, hence the need to pen down this entry...

Why did i haf passion 4 dance initially?
Becos it changed my life so much.. I learnt things such as public speaking/ stage presentation/ hardships behind a work of art/ how to appreciate a perf/ many many more other life skills.. I like the feeling of being in the air/ the feeling of standing on stage & perf in a world of my own, totally immersed in the music & dance steps/ like the fact tt aft every perf, I'll haf the chance to go makan with frenz & talk crap over coffee/ like the feeling of bowing to the audience whenever a perf has ended/ like the feeling of going ard congrats & thanking every1(regardless backstage/forestage) for a successful perf/ like the feeling of completing a production or event/ lastly more grateful if my audience were ppl who appreciates perf arts & can know what i m doing & appraises me...

Since now some ppl haf introduced politics & unpleasant stuff into Dance, whether DI/ NHDS, the feeling of dance in whichever place has changed.. Hence, I sincerely wish over here, tt thru this entry, I'll forever remember why did i haf passion for dance & tt i nv lose this heart of purity for this like of mine.. I may nv enjoy the feeling of good bonding & cooperation again, (like tt of Wu Ju3) due to the ppl i m may be dancing with but i sincerely still wish to enjoy every single dance i participate in... I wish to enjoy every single moment of a dance... I still wish to be reminded of how i became passionate with dance... I wish to retain this heart of purity.. I do not wish tt politics/whatsoever corrupts my like for dance...

I shall enter in this entry, tt i remind myself everytime whenever i read this entry, I will nv enter into politics/mind games in dance.. Regardless NHDS/DI.. I will not engage myself in those unpleasant stuff introduced by those ppl, & tt i shall remain uncorrupted... Always remember why u became passionate abt dance... It's all the reasons above, so do not engage in those politics thingy.. Whether ppl wanna play them in an attempt to vie 4 favour/ gain popularity/ smear your reputation & image or whatsoever, juz let them be... Retain ur heart of purity 4 ur like is ur utmost pirority...

With reminder, Bear in Mind
End of entry

Alone

This is 2005.. For dance events this yr, i was involved in Chingay'05, NDP'05, NKF Cancer Fund variety show & maybe the opening ceremony of the new drama centre(the one at e new national library)

These events led me to think alot, hence so many past entries were on events going on in 2005. Cos this yr make me got lots of new thinking, dunno is good thing or not, but makes me more immune to change.
Is immune to changes a good thing? Actually in my own view, it's not, i find it a very sad/tragic thing to happen to me.. Basically means i remain emotionless to changes liao, so i become more unfeeling, which i seriously dun like.. If this was what my parents used to term as 'grown up', then i say i dun wish to grow up... I dun wish to remain emotionless/unfeeling towards change.. I wish to be a person of emotions, not a robot.. Becos maybe adults haf seen too much in life, they become immune to these happenings, & it can no longer affect them, or throw them down into depression etc. There can be an explaination for this: Simply becos they r immune/ able to remain unaffected, it shows they r already 'dead'.. Becos a human has feelings, if they r unaffected, they r invulnerable... Is invulnerability a good thing? To some maybe yes, cos no one can bring u down.. But to me, invulnerability is a sad/tragic thing.. The irony is this: how can a dead person be vulnerable? Already dead liao mah... So since they r invulnerable, they r as good as dead... Invulnerable = dead Dead here i refer to heart is dead, emotionless, no more weak points... To me, having weak points/ having the possibility of being defeated is then termed a human being...

Hence, having gone thru so much in 2005, i grown more immune to change, which i find is so pathetic & tragic.. I haf become more unfeeling... So disgustingly sad...
Scenario:
In 2005, this NKF makes me more disappointed in human beings, esp when aft NKF, there is an upcoming event at e new drama centre thingy. Is really disappointed..
So many ppl came to perform for DI when they heard tt DI is gonna put up an item in the NKF, ie. there is a chance to be on TV lah.. However, when a similar request was put up for the drama centre thingy, almost nobody responded.. Such a sad thing, almost NOBODY leh!! Why r there so many ppl who r so materialistic/superficial? They only help out in events tt give them a chance to go on TV, eg. Chingay/NDP/NKF.. Then those no tele-boardcast one, nobody even give a damn abt it...
Quote two eg. CC perf usually so many ppl siam here & there, dun wanna help.. Another 1 was a perf at Jurong Pt sometime after Chingay, was supposed to put up a wushu perf, oso nobody help..

Esp the one at Jurong Pt, i dare say if i was not there to give assistance, the item put up by my juniors cant even hit the time duration required.. I still gotta perf a set of Chang Quan & oso drag the timing somemore, in order to save the whole situation.. This made me v disappointed already earlier this yr, now this NKF thing is worst... So many turned up to help, then when came this drama centre thing, only 3 ppl left... What is this? It's really too much..
Recall scenario: Drama Centre perf is a golden opportunity, at least Mr Low oso thought so.. It's a collaboration betw DI & Theatre Practice (Shi Jian Ju Chang).. We can learn so much from these full-time professionals thru this cooperation.. Hey its Shi Jian leh, even Jeff Tan oso encourages us to learn from/support Shi Jian..

This type of opportunity nobody cherish, only those can be on TV one then they cherish... Why?
I dun expect every1 to be 100% enthu but cant they at least help Mr Low & DI mah... now left 3 ppl, i wonder how Mr Low gonna cope... All r so superficial... Disappointing.. The issue here is this: why is it during TV events such as NKF, they r able to fork out time regardless how busy to come 4 rehearsals, then they cant do the same for these non-TV events? Apart from the 2 Eg i quoted above, actually oso got alot more, dun wanna mention liao...

So why this topic today on Alone?
Becos i realized tt aft one whole big rd, i still end up alone.. N aft these drastic changes in DI resulting me more unfeeling, I realize the meaning of 'Alone'.. Worst thing is tt I said i haf become unfeeling is becos i actually felt tt alone is not a tragic status but an eternal fact... I used to think tt loneliness is sad, but now, i treat loneliness with neutral feeling, tt's y i find myself so funny, so pathetic, such a tragedy...

Alone is actually an eternal status.. It stays there & nv change.. Every1 comes to this world alone, will be leaving this world alone oso, nobody can acc anybody at all.. When ppl high-fly & succeed, they do so alone, when they fail & nobody gives a helping hand, they r alone too.. When u fall sick/get injured, u r alone too.. Yes, many ppl can get the same illness/ injured in the same area, can empthatise with u , but at the v instant u r feeling ur own pain alone.. So, It's still alone, cos only u r exp the pain, u understand whether blood is flowing away/ whether u will stop coughing or not...
So aft what i been thru in 2005, i realized i haf been dancing 'Alone'.. So sad right? Even in a dance full of ppl, i came to realize this fact, nobody shares my passion e 'same way i feel abt dance'. N/B: i mean the same way, there maybe other ppl oso passionate abt dance, maybe more than me, but they wont feel e same way as me.. Hence under this definition, i still stay 'Alone'..
I oso realize tt if i wanna pursue to a higher level, i haf to do it again, 'ALONE'.. Cos apparently nobody in DI currently will acc me to do tt.. Now the fact is tt, not i think i v good, but juz tt i wish to pursue my interests further to a diff level.. Apparently, the many ppl in DI currently r v comfortable/satisfied with their current level of skill/knowledge tt they no longer wish to improve.. Hence honestly, if i wish to take another path, i realize i haf to do it 'ALONE'...

Sigh... Is i too unfeeling/ i think too highly of myself, or simply tt i m actually doing the correct thing?

In the end, i still took a path diff from all these ppl, & even amidst my efforts to try to know them/ click with them/ understand what they thinking, i still end up alone...
Thru this, i realize why aft sometime working in a company, some employees choose to change jobs/ be your own boss.. Tt's becos they chose a diff path & intended to end up alone.. My case however, i deemed tragic is becos i didnt intend 2 walk this path alone, if anyone can catch up to walk with me, i would be more than happy, the fact is they really chose to stay put in ther current position...
To make things worst, not only did i take the path alone, i oso 'dance' alone, becos many of these ppl in DI r not helping out, they only turn up when there r tele-boardcast events.. Hence, i cant even dance with a fixed grp of dancers... So eventually, i end up in an abstract way, 'dancing alone'....


Bottomeline, regardless of whether e path i m taking or whoever i m dancing with, I still end up alone... & Alone in this path i walk...

I seriously understand why pop bands disband when some1 in the grp wishes to go solo, it's becos they realize tt eventually they would haf to take the path alone (maybe due to personal interests in diff music genre), while their other members choose to reamin in their current status...

End of Entry