Today is 14 July'05, a thursday which haf no dance prac in NHSS... However , Wei hong they all v enthu/ got initiative, they org a dance prac 4 the new version of Forging Ahead...
So, as the actual perf is finally coming, i decided to go down help. Though i decided to myself b4 tt due to age gap, i will juz c c look look but anyway, since i m the 1 who has more knowledge abt Forging Ahead, juz go help lor.. Cos i decided to help only last min cos i initally thot tt they would be able to work things out in time, but e situation proved otherwise... But anyway i went there to help...
Dunno what will be their response towards me aft today but i seriously think age gap is widening all e way liao... Why cant these kids ans my questions truthfully? Sigh... Is tt e prob with e kids nowadays? Hoping 4 a model ans 4 every qtn posted? Sigh... Dun wanna dwell too much on this cos dun want nxt time when i read this entry i get reminded of those details...
Due to widening of age gap, i sincerely feel tt i can do no more to help NHDS liao... Cos actually i would wish to help as much as possible... I realized today tt actually though i wanna resume c c look look status (is becos i dun wanna ppl to think tt I m holding on to whatever 'power' & not letting go), but honestly, the thing i enjoy doing is really coaching... But due to the brain structure of these type of kids nowadays, i dunno whether in future i still haf chance to do wat i like? I seriously wish to help out once more lastly in 2006.. Aft tt, i remove myself from the surface of NHSS... But can this be fulfilled? Actually the hope is v slim....
Widening of gap actually implies tt i can no longer understand their thinking... Honestly, 4 the past few 2 yrs ever since i knew Shin-13 ppl, i felt tt i should go mingle with ppl younger than me & know what their world is abt, cos honestly, actually i oso dun like e world i m currently in now lah(the uni grad & working force world), but aft my efforts these 2 years, i encountered disappointments, loss of hope etc. I realised lots of things, maybe juz name a few eg here - They introduce politics at such a young age, They dun treat performing arts seriously/sincerely..
So actually i v sian to c those bunch of kids not giving their full heart to dance... Eg. If u still got time 4 politics, how is it possible u give ur full heart to dance?
Read some entries in the NHDS blog, they were saying abt missing dance & all sorts of touching stuff.. But seriously, what they said was so true which is till today i still go back to NHSS.. Cos even after 6 yrs since 1999, i still go back... I know why i go back... Other than helping NHDS & immersing myself into the dance atmosphere, it's oso a chill out place 4 me, so tt i can avoid the outside world at least 4 a while... I believe when they leave & meet e real world, they will sincerely feel tt NHDS dance practice is a heaven kinda of place... Hence i was so disappointed cos all along i myself treated it as a chill out place which is so called 'pure' like heaven, cos only purity exists mah... Whether is pure tiredness, pure friendship, pure hardship, pure feeling etc.. But to me, now tt place is so scary... so unsafe with theft, mischief etc... So sian... Now e issue is the thing i enjoy doing most can no longer be done in a place i like...
Bottomline: How long can i last in NHSS? The sch tt once brought me up.... How long more can i really do the thing i enjoy most?
Void of all feelings
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