This entry is written when i was 21, the scenario is when i stepped in as a dance instructor when i can be held liable 4 everything i say... Since i m no more a student liao, whatever i say carries weight liao..
Adulthood is v tiring, i can no longer return to the dayz where as a student i can juz comment abt anything & juz shoot my mouth off cos my words wont be spread & distorted.. Even if they were, ppl would juz write it off, anyway it was juz a comment by a young immature student... But now, no more this type of privileage... Adults will take my words seriously, kids i dunno lah.. So whatever i say i can be held liable for it, thus it's so tiring to always think thru & be cautious with every single word i use/ how i phrase my sentence... Then when ppl talk to me, they think: what Zhongyi thinking? how come ans 1 question need so long? Of course long lah, wah lau every single word oso muz use properly, even if cant think of the most suitable word, then b4 i speak my mind, i still gotta think of a sentence to act as a disclaimer/clause... This thinking process comfirm take some time one mah...
Really v tired leh, i mean... Everytime i speak, i gotta be wary of the person i speaking to, whether they will backstab me & go ard telling ppl other stuff, & distorting my words or not.. Wah, wary of ppl is really quite tiring.. But i guess this is the price of adulthood.. Ur words do carry some weight, at least to adults lah..
Being so tired everyday, i sincerely think tt only when i being with frenz, i can be most at ease...
It's like being with close frenz, we can anyhow talk, dun need think so much, at most apologise & laugh it off, & we r still frenz... Even if really haf to think, I dun haf to take so long, no need to think so much... Isn't tt more carefree?
Close frenz means close frenz lor, even if offended, we forgive & forget v easily..
i can juz speak my mind off in front of my frenz cos they take it to offence so much, even if we point out one another's short comings, nobody will be extremely angry, & on top of tt, we as frenz pointing out each other's short comings, not in hope tt our frenz will change...
Yes, i mean it...
At least i do not expect my frenz to change, i accept them 4 who they r, i juz ask them to be cautious, dun later ppl make use of tt short coming to back stab them.. It's juz a caution only...
I myself oso a little stuborn, i dun change easily, hence i dun expect my frenz to change as well, it's juz during dinner, we crap ard abt each other...
Eg. I can say it out w/o thinking: Sam do things a bit too emotional sometimes, Daryl sometimes easily agitated, Kai wei do things always too relac, Zhenyu sometimes easily under alcohol influence.. I really sincerely feel tt i can tell this in front of them, they wont be offended, Tt's y only with frenz i can dun need think so much when talking...
But if i tell this to a kid, i can imagine the msg will be distorted until something like tt: Zhongyi said Sam is a +X+0**^$%, he dun like him, be frenz with him is juz fake one, blah blah blah, the story goes on...
Hence, how can i be not wary when talking to ppl? But then i get so tired every now & then, it's really mentally exhausting.. I feel v drained everytime at the end of a day.. Even in uni/ teaching dance lessons, even in DI when speaking to selected ppl etc... Only with close frenz, like eating dinner in cafe then i can speak my mind w/o the worry of being held liable for what i said.. Oso no worries tt the msg will get distorted... It's such a relief...
Adulthood really has a price to pay, words tt come out of the mouth muz be really filtered properly b4 delivered.. If not, trouble comes your way...
So, all in all, i sincerely thank for all the times i haf spent with frenz crapping ard here & there... To them, it may be juz a chat over dinner.. To me however, it was really a time for mental relaxation.. No worries 4 potential liabilities..
Adulthood is so stressful, & yet i c kids ard who dun cherish/appreciate what they haf...
An entry in honour of frenz.....
This topic will comfirm carry on someday when i meet similar scenarios again....
End of entry
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